(Closed) WWYD? (FIL Help) long

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

umm honestly with what you have written there sounds like there is something going on here that you (and possibly your FH) is not aware of.

I had friend who had a similar family life – her and her sister did NOT get along and it was similar to what you describe. It turned out that i had no idea that the one sister dated then married the other sister’s crush from HS (yes HS) and then never got over it.

I also have two aunts that dont get along like above – wher eit seems like one is more hostile towards the other than vice versa – and it was a whole family thing where the docile one had told the angry one that she was molested by a family member and it just happened to be the angry one’s favorite family member.

i just think theres SOMETHING going on between the two of them – that is NOT normal sibling rivalry – especially at their age. possibly talk to FMIL and find out what the dilly yo is? theres no way this is “normal” something is up.

Post # 4
Member
37 posts
Newbee

You didn’t mention if A had children.  If not, is it possible that she might be having problems conceiving and it might be an on-going issue for a while?  It could be that she can’t “handle” seeing the baby because she can’t have one?

 

Post # 6
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with spanganya that there is definitely something going on deeper than what meets the eye. What it is, I have no clue. They need therapy… seriously. It will probably turn out to be better for you that the drama sister isn’t there… you don’t need that on your big day!

Post # 7
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

oh interesting – yeah theres family issues there. im thinking A probably resents M for what looks like getting what SHE wanted. im curious why the Father didnt want M to marry the dude but insisted that A marry her guy. odd.

sounds like favoritism went a bit too far, but i would still think theres more there. especially since your FH is kinda out of the loop – female relationships as we all know are wayyy complex….

Post # 8
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yikes – sounds like their parents are a little on the domineering side – maybe as the oldest child she feels like she got the brunt of rules and restrictions and is harboring a lot of bitterness to begin with as well… that would explain the childhood comments. Then along comes the baby and little sister M standing up for herself as an adult, which A never managed to do, and BAM she freaks out.

ETA: Oh, what to do … If I were in your shoes, I would call her and say something like, “Look, A, we really love you, because you are FI’s sister. And we want you in our lives. But your behavior for the last few years has been really hurtful to a lot of people. Whenever you’re ready to talk about whatever is going on, or to move past it, we’ll be here. But until then, we can’t keep letting you hurt us or M. We’re ready to listen and talk about whatever is bugging you, but we don’t know what that is unless you tell us. So when you’re ready, we’re here.”

and then give her space. Pushing her isn’t going to help any; it’s just going to make her stick her heels in the mud. If that means she misses the wedding, that’s a really big shame, but … that’s her choice. And better to let her choose to miss it than to have her come and cause a huge scene, right?

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