- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
And they know we’re having an adults only reception. Short version at the bottom.
We first found out about this a couple weeks ago (more than a month out from the wedding). They casually let it slip in conversation that they were bringing their kid. FI (LOVE HIM) let them know that we’re having an adults only reception. We decided this together due to the fact that if we kept our current guest list it would mean inviting 70 children between the age of 1 year to 16 years of age, most of them being 5-16 and needing meals and corkage and a chair and what not.
We couldn’t afford the extra expense without cutting some other things that were important to us, and we would not have been able to book our dream venue as we would have been waaaay over capacity. Our only other option was to cut our guest list and not invite adults we wanted to have there. We opted to do no kids. (We are however letting single people bring guests, there were a grand total of 9 singles invited to our wedding so this wasn’t a huge deal, put us right at capacity). FI and I are also having a more formal event, and an open bar, and we both felt in general that it wasn’t a child friendly event to begin with.
We did not put ‘adults only’ on the invitation, rather we addressed the invitation to the couple only, (Mr. and Mrs. John Smith we’ll say in this case).
FI’s friends let it slip that they were bringing their 1 year old “Jane”. When FI informed his friends that we’re not inviting kids, they freaked out and she started crying about how “well you didn’t make it clear anywhere that children weren’t invited! Now we’re not going to be able to come to the wedding! We only booked our sitter for 8 pm! She’s family and we don’t know why she can’t come! And besides, she’s only 1, it’s not like she even needs a meal! We’ve never been away from her for that long before!”
My response in my head was “Not my fault you don’t know proper etiquette and that you didn’t make proper arrangements for a sitter. You have a whole month, you can make other arrangements if you want to come that bad. She’s NOT FI’s family or my family, and it has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn’t need a meal. If we invite one kid we have to invite them all and that’s a huge expense. As for not leaving your kid for that long? Don’t even try that one with me, you were out at the lake with us without her for over 24 hours, the wedding is 20 minutes away, you won’t be away from her for that long.”
FI was great though in explaining to them why kids aren’t allowed and it seemed like they finally understood. Until yesterday.
Another one of FI’s friends, one of the few single people we invited, didn’t provide a name for her guest on her RSVP but requested 2 meals. FI texted her to ask for her guest’s name. Well she replied and said she’s thinking about bringing Jane. He clarified and she said yep, Jane Smith, the little one year old. FI again explained “no kids” and this friend said the same things as the Smiths.
I’ve already had to tell a few other family members that their kids can’t come (all of them were cool with it). I’m terrified that this couple will find some way to bring their kid against our wishes and that my family will get mad at me for not allowing their kids to come when this other kid is there.
What’s the best way to handle this if they bring it up again or worse, bring their child to the wedding?
Short version: it seems like FI’s friends are trying to do anything they can think of to bring their 1 year old to our wedding even though we’ve made it clear to them that our wedding is adults only. How do we deal with this if they show up with their kid?