WWYD: FI's friends are probably going to bring their kid…. (long)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel like all you can do is make them aware of your decision to have an adults only decision then let them choose what to do. If they bring them others will likely know that they knew it was adults only and did anyway. Personally we’re allowing only children family children and kids under 2 because we don’t want them to have to be away from their parents all night. There’s not much you can do besides let them know it’s adults only. 

Post # 4
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Some people are SO FREAKING CRAZY!

Hopefully they just won’t show up. But if they do, with baby in tow, you just ignore it. And if anyone says anything about their kids not being able to attend, laugh it off and say “Yep, we have a baby crashing our wedding! Mom and Dad apparently didn’t care about the “adults only” memo!”

But that only works if you’re a little tipsy!

Post # 5
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Well the good thing is that all of your other guest probably got the hint.  Therefore, this Jane kid, may be the only kid that you have to worry about.  And if your decision not to invite her or any other kids was soley based on the financial aspect, then this might not do any damage at all.  So if no one else brings a kid, and your other friend uses her plus one for Jane, then no damage done at all.  No one else would probably be offended assuming you didn’t really tell other guests outright not to bring their kids.  I’d probably still be annoyed, but it probably isn’t worth stressing over too much.

Post # 6
6674 posts
Bee Keeper

IRL I would never point out bad manners to people unless they specifically ask,  but when this woman said that you didn’t say anything anywhere, I think it opened up the opportunity to  explain to her the etiquette  of an addressed invitation.  

But really, all you can do is tell them that it would be unfair to other people in the same position.   I’d say you are sorry, but children are not invited,  and that you certainly hope they will be able to find child care so that they can join you. If it’s a very close friend, you could  try for a compromise.  For example, maybe you can find someone who will watch her down the hall from the reception or she’s allowed to the reception, not the ceremony. Or vice versa.  

If they bring her anyway, there’s very little you can do at that point.  If people ask, just thank them for respecting your feelings, and make it clear that not everyone did.   

Post # 7
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@futuremrste:  Wow. I would be incredibly irritated at this point. Their behavior is not respectful at all.

I would go to them *again* & explain to them that you recently had a single person try to have their daughter as their plus one. And that it is inappropriate, & not acceptable. I don’t think they get the fact that their daughter can’t come *on principle* because if one kid is allowed to come based on a loophole, then everybody else with children that weren’t able to attend will feel very slighted.

It’s just inconsiderate.


Post # 8
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

In all honesty I think the whole omit the children’s name on the invite can be confusing. I don’t care about what is proper etiquette… I care about being  as clear as possible for my guests. Especially in the case where an invsays includes a guest.

But, you did clarify and so they should respect your choice-it is your wedding after all. 

If they aren’t comfortable leaving their child they shoul just not go. I didn’t attend a wedding for this very reason. I had a 4 month old who would only eat breast milk from the source, he’s a picky boy. I didn’t make a scene. I respected their decision and did not go.

Post # 10
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@MrsSkeletonKey:  +1

FI needs to call them up and tell them that their child is not welcome and that if they are not comfortable leaving her home then they will be missed.

Post # 12
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your FI needs to make it clear that any children that show up will not be welcome at the reception and will be asked to leave. That is what we did. 

Post # 13
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

God I hate it when people think THEIR KID is the exception to every rule! “Its okay because its MY KID” Sorry, but I get this a LOT working in schools and it gets very old! 

I am sorry you are dealing with this! I had to to some extent at my wedding also. I hope it all works out! 


Post # 14
42089 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@futuremrste:  It is so inconsiderate of these people to put you in this situation.

When an invitation is adressed to Mr and Mrs ___   ___ , it couldn’t be more clear who is invited: ___ and ___ NOT ____’s offspring.

Given that you recently had a discussion with the other person who was trying to bring this child as a plus one, I think it does give your FI the opening to phone them and tell them what you have learned.

” I recently spoke with ___ who told me they were bringing your daughter as their plus one. They now understand that is not going to happen. We are having a child free wedding. We are sorry that our addressing the invitation to the two of you was misinterpreted as an invitation for the whole family.  We realize that it may be hard for you to leave ____ to attend our wedding. If you are not comfortable doing that, we understand and will miss you. There will be no children and I would hate for you to be turned away at the door, having taken the time and trouble to get dressed up and come .”


You don’t actually have to have someone hired to guard the door, but if they think there will be, maybe they will think twice.

Post # 15
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@julies1949:  +1 perfectly worded response.  I really don’t know how people think that just because they want their children there then that’s what should happen.  A firm and hard line needs to be drawn with these people.  Seriously rude and terribly inconsiderate,.

Post # 16
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

…so they solicited the help of another adult to try to sneak a 1 year old in as a date after they’d been told “no?” Jesus Christ.

Honestly, I would have politely explained it the first time. But I would not be as sweet the second time, as it’s incredibly obvious they were trying to be sneaky. 

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