WWYD: found out a good friend is dating a married guy

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Gross.

Sounds like she already made up her mind. If you are already ready to end the friendship anyways, then what would you have to lose by talking to her.

 

Post # 3
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I would let her know I disapproved, but it’s her life, and then keep living my life and stay out of it

Post # 4
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would probably mind my own business.  It’s not like she doesn’t know what she’s doing is wrong, and I doubt your opinion is going to make her end this relationship.  

Post # 5
Member
7168 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I believe in finishing old business before starting new business, but not everybody thinks that way. Clearly she has justified this in her mind. I bet he is telling the wife a different story.

Post # 6
Member
3504 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Let her live her life the same as she’s letting me live mine. She’s not an idiot and knows dating a married man isn’t ok. If you’re close she likely also knows its not something you would approve of, although she’s grown and doesn’t need your approval regardless of how stupid her decisions may be. I wouldn’t encourage her discussing their relationship with me and if she brought it up would probably say something smart like, “How are his wife and kids doing?”. Doubt she’d want to keep confiding in me after that.

Post # 7
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee

do you know who it is? TBH I’d probably send an anonymous note to the wife. Helping someone cheat is not cool IMO. I wouldn’t want to be part of keeping that secret.

Post # 8
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

italianbride0508 :  I would stay out of it (although I think it is a load of crap). I would tell her I don’t want to hear about it or discuss it.

I wouldn’t stop being her friend unless she was disrespecting me personally. 

Post # 9
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t get involved. Assuming she’s a good friend otherwise, you aren’t the morality police to stop being her friend or lecture her over her life decisions.

You totally have the right to tell her the topic is off limits for discussion. 

Post # 10
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

I would voice my disapproval to her and then stay out of it.

Post # 11
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I have a very similar situation with a friend. 7 years on she’s still seeing the man with a wife and kids and she’s had no other relationships from 26 to 33.. I said my piece and backed away from the friendship quite a bit because I know the wife and it’s too messy to be involved in. Tell your friend that the reality is that this won’t end well but it’s likely she won’t listen. Even if he does leave his wife I don’t think the future will be easy for them. I’m sorry for you because it’s a HUGE burden being the only one to know.

Post # 12
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Oddly, “what would you do” is something that came up in a conversation with Fi yesterday. One of our friends is sort of in a similar position, but chose to maintain the friendship…  

Sleeping with or dating a married man is only a mistake when you had no clue the wife didn’t know, and that what he was doing was wrong. Any decision to do so after learning the truth is an act of abhorrent selfishness and inhumanity. It is a show of despicable character, and nothing less. Knowingly being the other woman is so horribly selfish and cruel that to me, it’s absolutely grounds for ending a relationship. I’ve ended a close friendship for that reason alone.  

In your position, however, I would talk to her first. I think she should know that what she’s doing isn’t ok, and if you mean something to her, maybe hearing you say it will get through to her. I’m sure he’s saying all the right things, and has her really convinced (bc cheaters are manipulative) but his wife deserves better than this, and your friend deserves a healthy relationship with an honest man. If she shows no remorse, or intent to end the relationship, then cut her off. At least that way she’ll know why.  

Post # 13
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just let her live her life. Don’t cut ties. She’s your friend.

Post # 15
Member
6826 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My friends know I’m not going to sugar coat things for them or lie to them so if this were a friend of mine I’d be very honest and blunt about my disapproval. I’d let them know that I thought they were doing a shitty thing and that they are setting themselves up for heartbreak and a lot of drama in this situation. I’d question why she wants to be with a man who married and had children with someone he supposedly never loved. I would tell her that “meant to be” doesn’t give her or him the right to hurt other people and disregard thier feelings. I would discuss it with her exactly once. Then, I don’t want to hear about it or be a part of it (absolutly say no to the double date).

I wouldn’t stop being her friend though. Good people make mistakes. They are blinded by love or fear of being alone or naivety. It doesn’t make her a bad friend. It doesn’t even necessarily make her a bad person. We are more than a single bad decision.

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