WWYD – gift etiquette

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you send a gift?
    Yes. Wedding gift and shower gift. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Yes. Wedding gift only. : (40 votes)
    67 %
    No. Send a card instead. : (19 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 2
    11598 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would give them a gift.  A gift is given in support of a friend or family member that you are trying to help out and support their marriage.  Gifts are not tit-for-tat.  Gifts are not only given to reciprocate.  Gifts are given from the heart, not by comparison for what they gave you.

    I would gift the same as if I were attending the wedding.

    Post # 3
    4441 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    HelpfulMarriedGirl:  If you got an invite to the wedding you should get a gift, don’t repeat their etiquette mistake.  Seeing as you can’t attend I would send a card with (probably less than you normally would) cash or a gift that you can mail with a gift note directly from the place where they are registered.

    Post # 4
    6158 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i defiantely wouldn’t send a shower gift if you are not attending.

    since you are not attending the wedding, you can either send no gift, just a card, or a card with a small gift, or a card with a large gift.  it is entirely up to you.

    i am more of tit for tat so if it were me, since he didn’t send me a gift, i wouldn’t send him a gift but i would send a nice card wishing congrats.

    Post # 5
    2179 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2024

    I would not send a shower or wedding gift. I am a tit for tat person and I would just follow his lead and not attend nor send a gift. I would send a nice card though.

    Post # 6
    42089 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would probably decline the shower invitation, but I would send a wedding gift.

    If you are ever planning on having children, I hope your husband gets over his “tit for tat” mentality. It will not be a good role model for children.

    Post # 7
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    HelpfulMarriedGirl:  I would personally send at least a wedding gift and a card for both the shower and wedding itself. It is up to you – the appropriate thing is to at least send a card for the wedding to share your congratulations and well wishes.

    Post # 8
    80 posts
    Worker bee

    HelpfulMarriedGirl:  Definitely no reason to send a shower gift.  I’m not sure how old you all are, but I know that at 27, 6 years ago I was in a much different financial situation than I am in now.  If a friend got married 6 years ago, their gift from me was much more modest than what I would give now.  I would hate for a friend to remember that 6 years ago I gave a substandard gift and have them think, ‘I’ll show her…’ and give me a lesser gift.  Maybe if you put it to your husband that way,  he might understand. 


    I think you should just send a card with cash, or a small registry gift.  No need for something extravagant since you said you haven’t seen him in 6 years.  

    Post # 9
    721 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    You want to keep him as a friend? How good are you of friends now? Like in regular touch slash a close friend or just friendly acquaintances? If a close friend, I would probably send/give just the wedding gift. If a friendly acquaintance, a card will do. 

    Post # 10
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Send the wedding gift. I have NEVER heard of people sending shower gifts to a shower they could not attend. If you can’t attend the shower, no gift. That’s fine!

    Post # 11
    496 posts
    Helper bee


    HelpfulMarriedGirl:  I would give a gift. I wouldnt’ go to the bridal shower not because of the gift issue but because I wouldnt know the girl. A gift is not tit for tat. Maybe he couldn;t afford a gift at the time? I give gifts because I feel like it and don;t worry about how many times they gave me a gift vs when I did (plus I would probably end up behind on that tally because my friends have been generous with me).

    Post # 12
    2894 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    HelpfulMarriedGirl: I don’t think it’s weird that you got invited to the shower — I find it more off putting when I’m excluded to prewedding events of that nature. 

    I’d send either a small gift or a card with a gift card. 

    Post # 13
    1466 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    HelpfulMarriedGirl:  I think you should “be the bigger person”- or that’s what I would do in your shoes.

    Although I also agree it’s wierd you’re invited to her shower. Maybe it’s a huge shower where all the women invited to the wedding are invited to the shower I have heard of that before. 

    SOOO I voted get them a wedding gift. Does not need to be expensive or amazing, although it can be. It’s however you want to support your friend. 

    Post # 14
    1103 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    No gifts, I’ve never given a gift to anyone’s wedding who I could not make, and I would be surprised to get a gift from some not attending my wedding, seems strange. 

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