Post # 1
I’ve always wondered about this… Here’s the setup:
You’ve found the perfect guy and, as a result, weddingbee as well while you are planning your dream wedding. You have made numerous friends on this site, many of whom have usernames you have gotten to know quite well as you have followed their stories, triumphs, issues, etc.
THEN – you realize that one of your fellow bees that you have been giving insanely wonderful advice and support to – is MARRYING YOUR CRAZY AND ABUSIVE EX. Let’s say he was a great guy up UNTIL the time you got married – at which point he became physically and emotionally abusive. What would you do?
Post # 4
I can’t even begin to explain how tempted I was to select the skittle answer… but I would tell her. Worst case senario she doesn’t take your advice, but you won’t know til you try.
Post # 5
Tell her, and leave it in her hands. She deserves to know – I’d want to!
Post # 7
I’d definitely say something, just to get it out there. She’ll make her own decisions but at least you would be acting like a real friend.
Post # 8
@GonnaBeMrsB: What would you want if you were in her situation?
Post # 9
@GonnaBeMrsB: This is a tough one. I’ve been on here a short time and have become somewhat ‘friends’ with certain waiting bees so to speak because we talk a lot under the same ‘waiting’ section lol.
I am a survivor of a past abusive relationship. I have a restraining order that really prevents me from knowing too much about what is going on in his life (NOT THAT I WANT TO KNOW lol), but, if you do care about someone she has a right to know. I’ve always wondered about this-I told my SO of 3 years the first month that I have a restraining order out-but does my ex tell whoever he’s dating about this issue? Knowing what I know about him, I’m guessing NO!
Which means that anyone who is with him could be at risk for the same behavior and might not know about it until it’s too late!!
A private message is helpful, don’t let it get out of hand, just state the facts and let her make her own decision. What’s awful is that she may choose to stay. As I’m sure you already know, abusive people can be manipulative and controlling. Good luck to you….and your friend!
Post # 10
ETA: I wouldn’t necessarily give your side of the story as your poll says but just a quick heads up.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
I vote tell her, THEN divide your skittles up.
But seriously, I think a heads up is 100% okay in this instance, because it involves abuse. This isn’t just her emotions, it is her wellbeing and possibly her safety that is at stake!
I would be as absolutely gentle about it as possible, but this woman deserves to know, especially if he lied about his past to her, that he could put her in danger.
Post # 12
@GonnaBeMrsB: I agree that you should PM and tell her of your concern. As a formerly abused wife I wish I’d had a head’s up about my ex before I had to learn the hard way. ((HUGS))
Post # 13
Definately tell her. She needs to know that information in order to make an informed decision about whether she wants to stay in the relationship. Like someone else said, she may choose to stay with him. I think the best think you can do as a friend is to try to be supportive either way.
Post # 14
I would privately talk to her. She may not want to hear it, she may not believe it but that’s her choice to make. I know that if I were in her shoes I would want to know.
Post # 15
@MissTatas: +1 for the skittles
PM her. You have to say something if she could be in danger