- lulu mae
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: January 2012
OMG I’m sorry this is so long but partly I just really need to vent and don’t know what to do!!!!
We are having some serious issues with our wedding planning. It’s still a ways away but we are already ready to reserve and book (somethings have already been booked) because we know what we want. However– it’s all easier said than done!
My fiance and I both agreed even before we got engaged that we wanted to have a very small informal wedding and decided to do it on the other side of the country (where most of the family/guests will be coming from anyway) and we’d just call it a DW and let people know it’s small and mostly family only so hopefully most of our friends wouldn’t feel too bad not being invited.
I have a very large family that I am very close to, he has a very small family (only 4 people which out of the 4 only 1 is guaranteed to go to the wedding)– even with this in mind, he still wanted a small wedding and didn’t want to invite most of his friends- go figure…
Originally we were hoping to have 30 people max.. when I realized I personally couldn’t possibly cut my cousins out- we all grew up together- that set the guest list to 39. We let some of our very closest friends know they were invited before realizing how big the list was growing… before we knew it the list went up to 45 and we realized we were getting to a size we didn’t want. We are okay with what we have now (45) and I really don’t want to have to go through the trouble of uniniviting anyone already invited…
HOWEVER…. my mother! She keeps insisting we invite all of my step family and my aunts and uncles out of state (not our state and not the state we’re getting married in)
The step family and I aren’t close– they lived with my mom while I lived with my dad so we never really did grow up together, we don’t celebrate anything as a family including holidays like christmas, plus two out of 3 step siblings are married and I was never invited to their wedding. My mom says it’s because they did it out of the country… but I feel like I’m doing my wedding across the country- more or less it should be treated the same way. I feel like it is completely valid not to invite them. As for the aunts and uncles out of state more or less I haven’t seen them in almost/maybe over 10 years! We don’t really talk and haven’t really even been exchanging christmas cards…. so, if I’m really doing a small wedding, would I really be expected to invite them?? If I invited them all it would be a total of 14-15 more guests which would put us at a total of 60.. twice as big as we originally wanted 🙁
I see where my mom is coming from and think it’s just the polite thing to and if we were having a big wedding I would do it without thinking about it but because we really really wanted a small and informal wedding it just feels like this would keep putting us farther away from what we want. Plus this seems a little ridiculous and maybe even rude to my FH who might only have 1 family member at the wedding!
ps. I know chances are if we do invite all the family chances are, these less close family members won’t even come but I’ve also heard you shouldn’t count on people not showing up because more people will come than you expect especially the smaller your guest list is 🙁