Post # 1
Quick background- Fi’s friends wife has been dealing some drama. She wwas the reason that Fiance didn’t ask her hubby to be part of our wedding party because of crap she pulled at our BM’s wedding last year.
Things have been going well within the grop and everyone has let stuff go months ago. My shower was 2 weekends ago. She RSVP’d that she was coming, sent numerous emails and facebook messages about being so excited to attend, if she could bring anything etc. The day of the shower she was a no show. I was worried when she wasn’t there because it wasn’t like her to just not show up. Fiance and our Bridesmaid or Best Man headed over to a friends house that afternoon, and she was there, hanging out all afternoon. She didn’t speak to either one of them, but Fiance was assured that there was nothing wrong/sick/harmed etc it was because she didn’t want to buy a gift. Fiance was very upset that she skipped the party.
She’s blown us both off since then which is very much not the norm. I was really hurt that she didn’t make the shower because I was looking forward to sharing the day with her. I didn’t say anything to her about it, beacuse I thought it would be wrong to bring it up and “call her out” about not coming or following up. Saw her on Saturday night at a gathering and she didn’t mention it, the shower or the wedding at all. Something came up and she went on and on to our Bridesmaid or Best Man about the beautiful gift she bought them for his wife’s shower last year. I sat there the entire time and didn’t know what to say.
Now, we were just invited by email to attend her son’s birthday party on Sunday. For year Fiance and I have gone to these parties for both of her kids, brought gifts and sometimes food. They always invite a large amount of people to these parties so that the kids can get gifts. We aren’t that close to the kids, but always felt that we should be there because of the dynamics of our social group. The kids could care less if we are there or not. We are torn about going. They haven’t attended any of our wedding events( engagement,shower, bachelor parties) I know this is petty, but they have known Fiance since the early parts of high school, we are talking over 20 years. I’m just annoyed, and upset that she didn’t make my shower because of having to buy a gift, but now we are expected to show up with one on Sunday. I know it’s petty BS, but I”m just hurt and annoyed.
Post # 3
I absolutely would not go to the party, but RSVP no with no explanation. She doesn’t deserve one.
Post # 4
I’d be hurt as well, but ultimately the b-day party is about the child, not the parents. Be the bigger person here and attend the b-day party, even if you just show up with crayons and coloring books.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this.
Post # 5
I say go, but don’t offer to bring food, and show up with a small token gift for the kids, don’t go nuts, and leave early if you feel uncomfortable.
You can be the bigger person, hold your head high and show her the real way you should treat people!
Post # 6
Hey there! I have a girlfriend from college who does the exact same thing. My friend and I were in her wedding, attended the showers and other parties and bought gifts, dress, etc. At the Rehearsal Dinner we didn’t get a thank you gift like everyone else did and then the thank you card was a generic thank you. Fast forward a few years and she had her 30th bday party. We both went and took gifts and paid to get in the club. Then it was our turn to have our 30th bday parties. She didn’t come to either one, never called, sent a gift, nothing. Then I performed in a broadway musical a big deal for me. I told her how important it was that my family and friends attend at least one performance or come to a dress rehearsal. She never showed and avoided my emails, texts and phone calls.
The straw that did it for me was she called asking if my friend and I would throw her a baby shower. I politely said I couldn’t because I have other commitments. I didn’t go to her shower or send a gift.
Now my girlfriend and I are getting married. We are both in each other’s weddings. We have both decided that we are not inviting our friend to our events. It is hard to know that we are losing a close friend. But at the same time what kind of friend only takes and never gives!?
You need to just move on and not worry with her any more. Invite her to the wedding events and if she shows she does. I wouldn’t go to her events any more. Friendship is a two-way street.
Post # 7
Go, bring a small gift, be as sweet as can be… but lower your expectations as to what you’ll get out of this friendship.
I think it is hard, but good to be the bigger person, especially since it sounds like the group dynamics are intricate. By The Way, don’t mention your issues to anyone else in the group. Keep it to you and fiance, otherwise she’ll surely hear about it!
Sorry it became so awkward…