xmas disaster

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

They gave you miles. There would be no trip without your parents!

They deserve at LEAST half of your time!

Post # 4
Member
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Why does your husband think its okay to use your parent’s miles to get down there but spend less time with your family? That baflles me.

I would divide the time up equally. Even if you see your parents more, it sounds like they are the entire reason you are able to  go in the the first place.

We see my parents more than we see DH’s parents. He would never suggest spending less time with them over the holidays because of it.

Post # 5
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Niether! 

Both sets of parents are damn rude for putting you two in the middle of their petty squabbles and making you “choose” ultimately making you feel guilty no matter what you choose.  Take the veccy with you and hubby alone and let the parents all feel shocked and chagrined by this.

Post # 6
Member
3948 posts
Honey bee

I would NOT split up for the holidays, as your husband suggested.

Now is the time to set some boundaries for future family events. You and your husband should decide what works best for you both. If that means splitting time 50/50 then that is what you should do.

Post # 7
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@curlylox:  DH and I have to split xmas between my moms side, dads side, step dads side and his mom and dad are separate too. Not to mention that there are other things at work like when his siblings will be at his moms so we can see everyone in one visit since we never get to see them really. So even though we don’t travel that far, christmas is pretty overwhelming. Last year I put my foot down though and we decided to do christmas day at home with just us and we planned visits with each group during the holiday season. We didn’t get to see everyone but the holidays were much more enjoyable. the point is, if you try and stretch yourselves too thin no one wins. The most important thing is for you and your husband to be with each other. You are each others immediate and most important family members. I say split the time evenly between both sides. It seems to be the only fair way to do things. I don’t think that because your parents helped you get there that it means that you owe them more time. They offered and there shouldn’t be strings tied to that kind of thing. I think both sets of parents are being very immature about everything and you need to make sure you set a standard here for future holidays. This kind of immature bickering shouldn’t be tolerated and you shouldn’t be guilted into anything. Split the time evenly and enjoy your holidays with your husband.

Post # 8
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

50/50 – down to the minute! 4 nights with one family, a night with the just the 2 of you in a hotel between families (I’m sure you’ll need a break!!) and 4 nights with the other family. Going our seperate ways over the holidays would not be an option in my books! It’ll always be impossible to make absolutely everyone happy Smile

Post # 9
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No way you should split up from your husband for the holidays.

You should split your time 50/50 with both parents, it is the only fair way. I actually think that you should spend more time with your parents because they are flying you down there.

Post # 10
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Can I ask for clarification on the original disagreement?

Months before our wedding, my mom suggested that perhaps having that many people stay with us the week before our wedding would be too much on our plate. There were many hurt feelings and his family was very upset by this. 

Does this mean people were asked not to stay with you or something like that? I don’t understand why they don’t get along anymore.

And 50/50. Easy!

Post # 11
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@curlylox:  It’s stuff like this that makes me dread the holidays.  So many expectations from everyone and there are bound to be hurt feelings.  All it does is leave both DH and me stressed out and happy it’s all over.

It’s really sad that the families are putting you guys in the middle.  I agree with PPs that the fact that your parents are helping you out with the trip means they clearly want some face time.

I’d probably try and split it 50/50.  You and your husband need to come to an agreement and put on a united front to your families.

Post # 13
Member
8592 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

half and half!  Make it fair so no one can complain!

Post # 15
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@curlylox:  I get you now. I misunderstood b/c of the line that said you had 10 people staying with you. I interpreted that as actually happening. My head isn’t on straight today!

Sad they can’t understand how stressful that would have been and are putting you in this position. 🙁

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