- 7 years ago
Sooooo, it’s been a while since I’ve come to the waiting boards to vent, b/c well, frankly, I’ve been in a good place about waiting the last few months. (Last time we’ve had a productive ‘talk’ has been back in the fall/winter, so I’ve been chill about it since then) Even though our 4 year dating anni came and went a couple weeks ago, I didn’t have my hopes up, so I couldn’t be let down. Same goes for the vacay we just got back from. No expectations=no disappointment, right? Right.
Anyway, on the car ride to our vacay destination (Myrtle Beach, SC, fwiw), out of nowhere, SO starts saying how next year, when his bankrupcy clears off of his record, he’d like to start looking into us buying a house. We’ve stayed renters for this long, b/c though neither of us has bad credit, that stupid bankrupcy is still looming. (He’s not bad with money, he had an ex GF that was, for lack of a nicer word, a gold digger, and ran up cell phone bills and a couple of other things in his name. Wench.)
I know this is horrible, because I should be jumping for joy that he wants us to buy a house together, but the waiting gal in me of course thought immediately, “WHAT?!?! Now I hafta wait even longer for a proposal? That means we’d have to push back getting married even further. Waaaaaahhhhhhhh!” And, of course, my waiting brain equated house being on his mind with engagement/wedding NOT being on his mind, AT ALL! Because financially, there is NO way we would be able to afford getting married (even on the small budget we’ve discussed for it) and putting a down payment on a house.
Siiiiggggghhhh! I just wanted to come to the Bee to vent a little. I didn’t say anything either way, (didn’t want to get into that convo again, and have it potentially turn into a tiff, and ruin the mood of our perfectly nice little vacay) just kind of nodded and said something along the lines of, “Yeah, won’t hurt to look into it when the time comes”. Inside I was screaming, “NO! I will not buy a house with you without us being AT LEAST engaged.”
Ugh. I just know that when the subject (house) comes up again, I’m gonna have to tell him my stance on the situation. Maybe, with any luck, it won’t come up again for several months, and he’ll have shat and gotten off the pot by then.
I mean, clearly, he’s already comfortable enough with the way things are, living together, child together, and my oldest from a previous relationship, who he considers his own as well. Now how much more comfy is he gonna get with the status quo if we buy a home? You hear all the time, especially in concentrated amounts here on the Bee, about how after a couple buys a home together w/o being engaged/married first, the guy tends to get even more okay with the way things are, and sees no reason to ‘rock the boat’ as it were.
Grrr, Imma hafta slap some sense into him. It’s time to stop being a mealy mouthed ninny, and be firm about it. Ladies, send me some extra good strong, confident woman juju my way, so I can have the balls to lay it out there when it comes up again. I’ve got it in me, I just tend to chicken out when it comes down to it.
Didja make it through all that rambling? Gold star! Thanks for listening!