Post # 1
I had my laparoscopy done last week 8/5 for endometriosis (was stage 2, with adhesions, it was all removed), and I have my post-op follow up this thursday.
The thing is, I’ve never had non-painful sexual intercourse. One of my (many, horrible) symptoms was dysmenorrhea. I’ve dealt with this for many years- it was never different with different partners. Always the excruiating pain that brought tears to my eyes, hating myself, wanting him to just finish already so ‘it’ would be out of me. That sounds horrible, but it’s true.
We found out with the lap that every time DH was thrusting, it was actually hitting the endo, which was causing the horrible pain.
Now that it’s gone for a while, I am so glad. I cannot wait to have sex with DH and have it be a FUN experience. We haven’t had sex in over 3 months due to the pain- it became where it wasn’t pleasurable for either of us since I was hurting so badly.
Here’s the thing, though: I’m scared. I feel like I’m losing my virginity again, guys. I’ve never had a fun sexual experience (EVER), so I don’t even know what to expect. I’m so scared that it’ll hurt again and I’ll feel like we’re back to square 1 (though I know that’s irrational, it’s still in my head). I need advice- do I need to drink a glass of wine to relax? What do I do? I am so jittery; I don’t want to ruin this for DH by being a coward, but honestly, I don’t know what it’s going to feel like and I am SO, SO NERVOUS.
(ETA: I’ve been bleeding for a week now, and it’s gotten heavier with clots in the last 3 days, so I’m waiting until that’s stopped before having sex).
Post # 3
@stefanielovesjamie: Oh man. I am so glad you have gotten everything worked out. I can’t imagine going through such painful intercourse! I’m excited for you and your DH, and so happy he’s been so supportive!
I say definitely take it slow, maybe plan a whole evening where you sort of set the mood, ease into things, definitely have a glass of wine or two! Focus more on the evening as a whole, and try to naturally come to a place where you’re comfortable and and wanting to go for it!
Can you talk to your husband and sort of let him know how you’re feeling? I’m sure he will be willing to take it slow and make you comfortable.
Post # 4
@jessicadarling: I will definitely talk to him about it- I just don’t want him to think it’s foolish, because this is a HUGE DEAL for me. Of course, he would never think I’m foolish, but my mind has me convinced that he’s going to laugh at me if I bring up being nervous.
Post # 5
@stefanielovesjamie: I’ve had painful intercourse, though not because of endo, and no matter, I’m ALWAYS nervous because wel,, you start to expect the pain! I hope it goes great for you, though!! You got this!
Post # 6
@stefanielovesjamie: First of all, take a deep breath. It’s all going to be ok. DH and I are going through this (kinda) right now and it’s slowly getting better.
I was diagnosed with endometriosis in early 2012 and we got married in August ’12. It was super uncomfortable for me for months. Then in June ’13, I wound up in emergency surgery to have an ovary/tube removed because of the endo. I couldn’t have sex for a couple weeks after the surgery and because of various family vacation, work conferences, etc the two weeks before that, it was about a month before I was ready again.
We took it super slow the first night I was ready. He gave me a full body massage to help relax and I did take some ibuprofen before (just because my incisions were stilll pretty tender). It wasn’t bad at all! Just make sure he knows that he HAS to go slow. It’s going to take awhile before you feel totally normal again. Sounds weird, but if it starts to hurt, have him stop and hold that position for a few seconds, the muscles should start to relax. Do deep breathing too and that helps relax everything also.
Quite honestly, sex is still uncomfortable for me more times than not. At times, it borders on painful even. I’m doing physical therapy to try and help with the muscle tension and that’s helping somewhat. I’m only 3 weeks into it, but I’m slowly noticing a difference (that’s where the holding a position until the muscles relax and deep breathing came from).
I hope you can enjoy some sexy time with your DH!
Post # 7
I would try not to expect miracles the first time around. In all likelihood it will hurt… but with time it’ll get better. You’ll be nervous. It may not all be healed.. you’re used to feeling pain so you might still feel it subconsciously etc. Use lots of lube!
Post # 8
@hogoboom2012: Thank you for your reply! I am worried that it’s going to be very uncomfortable and I’ll be upset, but I want to be relaxed and just let things happen.
@canarydiamond: That’s what I’m thinking; I’m assuming the worst, while hoping for the best! Lube will be our best friend for a while! Hah.
@love108: I know, I’m definitely expecting pain. Thank you!