Post # 1
My college friend got engaged last year and had a spring wedding in OH. We talked over AIM and he said he did not send me an inivte b/c he assumed that I would not be able to make it. I told him nonsense – we are friends and i would love to go. so he says he’ll have his FI send the invite but – do you mind coming alone? Now my friend knows about my FI. He KNOWS we’ve been together for SIX years and we are getting married. I was offended and I did not attend the wedding. Now I know that some people for space and cost issues have weeded out guests of guests such as boyfriends, coworkers, best friends, etc because they only want people that they know at their wedding and to make the list manageable. My FI is my future husband! not some guy accessory!
So now that I am sending out my own invites do I send him one? I don’t think he knows what he said hurt me.
Post # 3
I am sorry you’ve felt hurt. Personally, I live by the philosophy that if I don’t know, I can’t change what I am doing. You can’t do the same thing but expect different results.
Because of this, unfortunately if you didn’t let him know when you got the invitation that this was hurting you and that you were not comfortable attending without your FI, I’d say you can’t really hold it against him.
One of the first things that is mentioned in every ‘budget wedding guide’ is to cut out everyone that’s not a BEST friend or immediate family member and even to cut out old friends from school that you haven’t seen in years. I’d say he was trying to do the right thing by inviting you but also trying to save money. Wedding planning is expensive. I might not take it to heart unless you have some other reason to.
As for inviting him, that’s a call you have to make. Will seeing him at your wedding make you happy or ruin your day? Look within yourself to find the answer.
Post # 4
Yes, send him one and address it to both him and his wife. He was oblivious to etiquette, you are not.
Post # 5
The question is do you want him to be apart of your special day? If the answer is yes then you should definitely invite him and be the bigger person, which isn’t always easy to do. Though if this does bother you I think you should definitely address it before seeing him on your wedding day, if they decide to come. Your wedding day should be a day free of drama no matter how big or how small.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
If you truly want him to be there despite his ignorance to proper etiquette, be the bigger person and invite him and his wife. I agree with the PP, though, that if his single-invite really still bothers you that much, you should adress the situation honestly and let him know how upset you were. He might not have realized he was doing anything wrong, but he’ll know better now!
Post # 7
I don’t know all the facts here, but from reading your original post, it seems kind of obvious that the college friend never really intended to invite you at all, and he only said something after it was brought up. I wouldn’t waste my time sending him an invite–if he wanted you there, he would have sent you an invitation to you and your fiance. That’s just common sense.
Post # 8
I agree with buttercupprism, it sounds like your friend invited you only because you two had been talking about his wedding. Under that situation, its understandable that he didn’t invite your FI, considering inviting you wasn’t even part of his original plan. Looking back, yes, proper etiquette says he should have your FI also if he was going to invite you. But whats done is done. If you feel that he is a close enough friend still to warrant an invite, I would send him (and yes, his wife) an invite, as inviting both would be a proper thing to do. My childhood friend was recently married and only invited me to her wedding, not my FI, even though she definitely knew that FI and I had been together for five years and were getting married. Annoying, yes, and I ended up going to her wedding alone, where I knew NO one. Thought about paying her back and just inviting her to my wedding, where she would know no one. Then I decided to have more class, be the better person, and invite her husband too. 😉