- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
Ok Bees I need some advice,
I have been putting off writing this post for a while but I think it is time.
I have A LOT OF DRAMA in my family.
I apologize in advance for the winded discussion.
So first off me and my mom have never gotten along. I am the only girl of four siblings and I am the youngest. It feels like sometimes my mom wishes she never had a girl. She has never said it outright but just the way I was brought up makes me feel that way. I do not have any fuzzy warm memories of growing up that include my mom. Also my father worked away a lot so I did not have that strong father daughter relationship either. I am a very independent person and have always acted older then my age I feel due to this. My father also abused me as a child so I did not have anyone to turn to growing up.
No first off I want to post that I never have used my childhood as an excuse or a crutch and I do not want to use this site as a means for pity. I just want to give a back story.
Flash forward I grew up found a loving man who adores me, Graduated from university and bought a house with my Fiance. Shortly after we moved in Fiance popped the question. This being a pivotal moment in life especially for a girl I felt I should inform my mom in person. She was at work and I ran up to her desk and stuck my hand in front of her computer screen.
She didn’t give the typical OMG MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED… it was more like “that’s nice dear” then she proceeded to take my ring off and pop it onto her own hand (the ring was two sizes to big when Fiance proposed so this was easily done) then proceeded to show her coworkers my ring as if it was hers.
I wouldn’t expect anything less honestly upset as I was I didn’t react to much because I have gotten use to this kind of treatment from her.
9 days after the engagement she calls me up and ask me to go to lunch. I thought to myself… well maybe she finally has come to terms with this and is actually getting excited. I was looking forward to the lunch.
You have to no my mom. She never does anything for any other person unless there is something in it for her. So her asking me to lunch set up some red flags.
I was right, not 10 mins into lunch she started with “Who are you inviting to the wedding…. Bc you no I don’t think you should invite Aunt X and Aunt Y and Aunt z is questionable, o and are you having your father walk you down the aisle bc I think you should get your brother to do that, and are you having a head table bc that will be awkward?”
9 days after I got engaged I didn’t even think about who to invite yet however I had full intentions to invite Aunt x & y. Aunt X my god mother has been there for me my whole life. She has given me more then my own mother has to some extent. They are in a HUGE fight over my uncle who was killed my a drunk driver 3 years ago. My uncles widow is now my brothers fiancée….. yes tangley web.
I am having my father walk me down the aisle. Abusive or not I am his only daughter and I am happy to say over the last 3 years we have talked about the past and he is remorseful and apologetic. We have had a great relationship since. My parents are also divorced over the last three years and I think his time away from my toxic mother has helped him become a more free spirited man and express himself emotional without judgement. My mother is a bitter about their divorce because she likes to put on this façade of the perfect life to outsiders and perfect does not equal divorce. I think she honestly wants said brother to walk me down the aisle just to spit him.
I also had a Phone call from said brother saying he will not attend my wedding if Aunt X & Y are invited. I cried and Cried over this. He said it was bc he had to get time off for his baby with widow so he will have no leave left for my big day. ( I am his only sister) He was the best man at middle brothers wedding and told his boss to go f himself if boss did not give him time off for his brothers wedding. My brother has a very good job and there are few people who can do his job so they really can not fire him….He also welcomed middle brothers wife into the family. When I asked him if he wasn’t sure if he could be at the wedding as a groomen could he read a prayer. He said NO IM NOT READING. I hate public speaking and big crowds. I am asking 175 to my wedding middle brother had over 300.
Middle brother is being MC at my wedding. We were discussing logistics the other day and I asked… who welcomes Fiance into the family. Middle brother was like Said brother of course… I was like I don’t even no if he is coming *and well he also doesn’t like public speaking* middle brother informed me he will be home during that time (his work is rotational home some work some for weeks at a time)…. Said brother has not contacted me to tell me this…
I have already decided to invite Aunt X. She has said that she will not go to save me the trouble on the big day but my question is should I still invite Aunt Y. She lives in the area and probably can attend. I am also invited my two cousins her sons. They have had a hard upbringing as well and I want them to feel like they still have some family!! Even though we haven’t spoke much due to this drama I feel like we are the closets of my cousins in some ways.
If they do show up im concerned about what will happen on my wedding day. Not about what aunt X or Y will do but what my ridiculous family will do. Anyone els in my shoes or have been and what was your outcome? Thanks so much if you made it this far!! Any advice would be helpful!