posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
27 posts

I completely agree. some men can’t even listen and be respectful when women share their stories of abuse, violence, and rape. instead they get all buthurt that someone of their gender did somethign bad and whine about how men are treated unfairly. OH PLEASE. even if women were rude to you and treated you warily because they thought you might be an abusive, violent rapist the worst that happens to you is that your feelings get hurt. boo hoo. that in no way shape or form compare to the actual physical and emotional trauma that some women have gone through. and while most men aren’t bad, it IS TRUE that almost ALL WOMEN have been harassed, abused, or the victim of gross misogyny. it’s just absurd. 

for me #yessallwomen: when I was taking a month-long trip in Costa Rica, this local english-speaking man followed me home from the bar, whipped out his dick, and tried to drag me into the bushes. he underestimated my upper body strength, i wrenched free and ran. we left that town the following morning (luckily). at college, my best friend (who is a bisexual man) made a rape joke when i tried to tell him this story. he said, “hey at least you’d be getting some.” I didn’t speak to him for 6 months. after the fact, he expalined that he didn’t know how to feel about it so he used a joke to “break the tension.” I’m sorry it’s uncomfortable for you to hear, I PROMISE YOU it was more uncomfortable for me to live it. 

Post # 3
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Last month I was hired as an English teacher at a pretty elite high school/prep school in my area.  I was on the hiring committee to help determine the best candidate for the other English teaching position – basically, they wanted my input on who I wanted as a colleague.

When asked about what he would bring to our school’s English department, one of the men we interviewed for this position said, verbatim:

“Since English teaching is prototypically a female profession, one of my biggest strengths is serving as an authoritative leader for the whole department.”

Yep.  You’re right.  Here we are, just a bunch of little girls with dictionaries, waiting for a strong valiant man to lead us like sheeplings towards the light!  (It is worth mentioning that of the ten English teachers, four are male and six are female so our department is certainly not overwhelmingly female – er, I mean, lacking in leadership.)  He was not called back.

Post # 4
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

#YesAllWomen is perhaps the greatest thing to happen to Twitter.

For me #YesAllWomen is when I was taking the transit train home from work and had a man sit behind me and talk (at a normal speaking level) about how I was a fucking lesbian who needed a good fuck. Perhaps if he raped me it would turn me right and I would like it, followed by arm gestures of him pretending to jack off on me. By the time I was able to get off and move he was threatening to beat me dead for ignoring his “come ons.” It wasn’t until I moved half way down the train away from him that anyone spoke to me and I was able to contact the transit police. He was given a warning and allowed on the same bus as me where he told me, “I was just kidding, no need to get so worked up. You could use some to lighten up.”

Post # 6
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

I’m not on Twitter, so I haven’t heard of it before.  Honestly, I’m sure I’ve been harassed in the past, but I honestly can’t recall any details at the moment.  I’m married to an excellent man who has shown me compassion and understanding at every given opportunity.  I live a pretty blessed life.

Post # 7
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: dont know

Ive never had anyone be misogynistic towards me that I know of except my teenage brother and he’s just repeating stupid jokes that his older friends tell him.  I’ve had some creepy experiences though.  Like one time I was at the twilight movie (I was 15 or 16 and wanted to know what all the fuss was about) and had my coat on the seat next to me.  This weird creepy homeless looking mad sat next to my coat and I kept feeling this tickling feeling on my arm and moved my coat to see his hand under my coat stroking my arm.  I also had a boyfriend in high school (who wouldnt take me to the movie I mentions previously which is why I went alone) who felt he could “convince” me to have sex or do sexual favors with him even though he was a lousy boyfriend and extremely selfish.  I dont consider it rape because I got sick of his begging and pleading and told him to leave and broke up with him and I never had sex with him anyway. He treated me like arm candy and I’m way too smart for that crap, he was a total narcisist. But when I told my friends they blamed me and didn’t believe he would ever act like that.  It wasn’t until I was explaining the situation to the guy I’m not marrying that I realized how messed up what my first bf put me through.  My current man considers this sexual abuse, I don’t know if I’d be that harsh because I could have and should have been more adament with my refusals and he was just a dumb teenager even though I heard through the grapevine he’s still selfish well into his 20’s.

Post # 8
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: dont know

christinalong338:  I think people, more commonly men, in these situations say stupid insenstive things because the threat of rape isn’t as likely for them but since most straight men fear being sodomized they get really creeped out and don’t know how to handle it.  It seems alot of men have poor skills when it comes to sympathy and empathy and resort to trying to cheer the person by making really insensitive jokes.  I think we as people should try to raise our sons to be more open to being sympathetic/empathetic and remind them the troubles everyone goes through and teach them social skills and how to handle things that are hard to talk about.  Teach our daughter this too be girls tend to be better at verbal communication.

Post # 9
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Oh, gosh. So many of these for me. I wonder if it’s because I live in the South? One of my dearest friends grew up in Montana, has spent the past three years of college in Philadelphia, and is in Atlanta for the summer. She told me Atlanta men are horrible compared to everywhere else and she feels less safe there than anywhere else. I’ve grown up in the South, so maybe I’m used to it, but sometimes I wonder if men here get a falser sense of entitlement because of all the chivalry garbage that gets shoved down our throats. 

My biggies are that I have been a victim of sexual assault, while I was in high school, no less, and I have been in several physically,  verbally and/or sexually abusive relationships. I don’t really go into details there.

Some other experiences:

1. I had to stop at a CVS early in the morning to pick up a flashdrive for my friend. I was really bumming it in athletic shorts and flip-flops, but this much older guy stopped me outside, talked about how my ass should be stopping traffic because it’s so big, and went on his merry way. He ruined my day.

2. I went to Walmart at 12:30 in the morning to pick up supplies for a project. Was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. This guy complimented my hips, called me thick, and followed me all over the store asking if I would go home with him. I eventually had to lie and say my dad was waiting for me in the car. I’m lucky I look young enough for that lie to work. It’s sad he approached someone who looked that young. I don’t go to Walmart at night by myself anymore. 

3. This loser at my college, in one of my classes, asked me to date him on Facebook. I explained I am in a longterm relationship. For months, he sent me sexually explicit messages and tried to get me to engage in sexually explicit conversations. He would not leave me alone. I researched him a little bit, and found out he was doing this to multiple girls and also that he would call female RAs at night telling them he was suicidal. They have to respond to that kind of call, and once they got to his room, he would try to seduce them. The icing on the cake is that I teach in his hometown, where he used to go to high school, and one of my students randomly asked one day, “Do you know X from your college? He messages girls in our high school and tries to get us to go out with them.” That was when I decided to tell my administration what he was doing, because he is also a teaching candidate at our college and I really think he has picked his career choice based on proximity to young girls. They said there was nothing he can do about it. 

4. I was assistant coaching a college team at a debate tournament, and one of the topics was conducive to an argument one of my female debaters had wanted to run all day. She basically wanted to talk about her rape story and the way women are treated in the status quo, like we are doing here. The judge voted for the other team to win, and when she asked why, he told her that her rape story made him uncomfortable. She left the tournament in tears. 


Post # 11
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Definitely been harassed multiple times over the years.  The two that come to mind that are the most upsetting were two separate occasions where men in their 40s got possessive of me at a bar right after my divorce.  Apparently I was giving off some kind of vibe that I needed to be taken care of which really meant they wanted to have sex with me and felt the need to be agressive in cutting me off from other people I knew at the bar.  The first time I was out with friends.  The second I was out with my husband who I had just started dating at the time.

The second man seemed friendly enough at first but after that night he started calling and texting me then threatening me by phone when I asked him to stop then it got worse after I blocked his number.  He finally stopped after I threatened to call his boss to report the harassment because I knew what company he worked for (I had worked there years ago with the vice president’s son so I had a good connection there) and he was using his company cell phone to contact me.


Post # 12
282 posts
Helper bee

Recently I was trying to get something done on my car and the guy I was speaking to asked if I needed to get permission from my husband first. I just laughed at that one. 

I also cant can’t stand when I’m running outside and men beep, whistle, or even approach me and say ‘hey baby where you going’. Some people have discussed with me that I should just ‘take the compliment’, but I still find it infuriating. I could rant on and on about this but my biggest gripe is why do they do men do that? What satisfaction do they get from beeping thier horn while I’m innocuously jogging down the street? When has the ever worked for a guy – do you think any woman as ever thought ‘yes you in the tinted window honda civic I must have you now!!!’



Post # 13
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

annb9:  My dad is very misogynistic. Not issues with the secual violence or anything, just male entitlement & that men are the superior sex.

He’s old school, boys club and my mom just always made (still makes) excuses for him, now my brother too. My brother has always been superior. Everything I do, no matter what it is, will never be good enough. I think this is part of the reason I felt compelled to fall for a closeted, gay man when I was 17. He was so caring and kind and the complete opposite of my dad. Thankfully, my FI (completely, 100% heterosexual) has taught me that there are straight men who can be the same way.

Unfortunately, my brother is the same way, because he has listened to my dad too much all his life and he has 3 sons who will probably be the same way. His boys are always the best at everything, even though they are only 4, 2 and a newborn. Literally, the newborn is already better than EVERY other female newborn on the face of the planet.

I hate when my son spends time with either my dad or my brother because he starts acting this way. Fortunately, neither my ex-husband, nor his partner, or my FI are. So my son does have good influences as well. It is just really heartbreaking to know my nephews will wind up this way as well.

Post # 14
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My first time being harassed was when I was 13(!!) years old. I looked about 10, too. Skinny, pale, bob haircut and no makeup. (Not that this would have been okay if I were curvy with makeup) I was at dinner with my mother wearing a shirt that said “Trust Me, I’m a Doctor.”

A grown man, mid-to-late thirties, stands up and blocks my way get to my table and says “So you’re a doctor, huh? I need a check up.” I was nervous and a little scared, so I smiled a little bit and moved past him to get to my table. When we left, he was still there and as we walked out he said in a low, “seductive” voice: “I think you make a really great doctor.”

It made me feel so uncomfortable, so vulnerable and so UNSAFE in public. My mom wanted to say something to the guy, but she didn’t think anyone else would think he was being inappropriate.

I think that guy probably thought he was being funny or flirting, but it felt like a threat. I felt like a trapped animal. I sort of hate that I smiled a little at him instead of telling him he was making me uncomfortable, but I know I would have just been told to “relax, it’s just a joke.” “I’m just looking at your shirt.” Why? Because I’ve been told that since by men just as creepy.

Since then I’ve been whistled at, pestered with questions, followed home, harassed online, via text,  and called a bitch and a whore for having the audacity to not be interested in them. Not all men are like this, but #yesallwomen have experienced something like this.

Why is it that some men don’t listen when a woman says “you are making me uncomfortable”? Is it because our opinions mean less to them than if we were men? Is it because they don’t care how we feel?

Post # 15
2657 posts
Sugar bee

coachhw:  I know where you’re coming from with the fake chivalry thing.  I knew a bunch of guys in college who used the whole southern gentleman act as a tool to get laid and nothing more.  I know this because they would flat out tell me while we were walking out to the bars and frats.  I don’t think that it is exclusive to the south, though.  I actually noticed something similar happening when I studied abroad in Europe, with European guys using their sexy accents to get with American girls studying abroad.

I have thankfully had no experience with sexual violence.  But, I have lost count of the times I’ve been cat-called, been verbally harassed, and called inappropriate things.  Most recently, I was jogging in the winter and wearing tight running pants.  I noticed some teenage boys holding up their phones at me and giggling as I stopped to rest for a second (we were the only people around).  I yelled and asked what was so funny and they kept laughing.  As I approached them, the smiling stopped.  I just pointed at my dog and said “there’s a reason why I run with this german shepherd mix, you know.  You may want to reconsider taking harassing photos of joggers”.  They got sheepish, said sorry, and left.  It infuriates me that I had to resort to threats to even get through to them, and I’m glad that some awareness is being created about issues like these.

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