yet another friend getting engaged/ married :(

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lucy_smith:  Another bee wrote a similar post earlier. I know the feeling. And its as silly as my friend getting a promise ring from her gf of a month or so. lol. And just last month my friend posted on FB, she got engaged on her bday. I’m happy for her and I know mine is coming but waiting is hard. Have you guys talked about getting engaged?

Member
1588 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Aww I’m sorry hun. I know it’s tough when you’re waiting and a bunch of other friends keep getting engaged. It’s difficult but you need to try to focus on your relationship and not theirs. You just have to appreciate your relationship, assuming you are in a healthy, loving one.  

If you don’t mind me asking, have you and your bf talked about marriage? Going on 6 years is a long time… Have you guys set a time line or anything like that? What’s his reasons for not wanting to get engaged yet?

Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It’s sooooo hard to sit and wait while so many people around you get engaged, especially when they haven’t been together as long as you and your SO have.  Do you two have a timeline?  That helped me a lot with my waiting anxieties.  Yes, I still got upset and dissapointed at times but I knew it would happen by a certain date.  It gave me some sort of relief

Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I sympathize. One of my friends who has only known her SO for a bit over two weeks has asked me to be her bridesmaid. :/ I recently was informed that an ex of mine is now happily married.

Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

Know the feeling love.  7 and a half years for me.    I know I practically bolted and rang my little sister to inform that my former friend was engaged.

Even though I knew she was getting engaged.  

She was already boasting about it…on FB of all places where her husband could see.  “BF and I went ring shopping.”  “I’m off to a tropical island for a holiday and something else special is going to happen ;)

Then it came “OMG BF proposed to me.  We planned it for the Saturday but he proposed by surprise on the Thursday. OMG :D

It was hard and I fought with myself to type back “Your island engagement isn’t original.  Former classmate only two weeks ago also got engaged on the same island.”

Then I scoffed mentally when we went out for coffee and she said “I was there when he bought the ring.  It was the one I wanted.   He told me to wait outside when we got back home so he could hide it.   The next day when he went to work I looked all over the house and found it.  I opened it and put it on my finger it.   Each time he went to work I would put it on and put it back where he hid it. hee hee.”

I just mentally took a few deep breaths, relaxed and pretended to be interested.  While inside I was like why does she deserve to be engaged and I’m waiting still. 

Hang in there and just know there is many of us out there still waiting paitently for the event. xoxo.

Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

5 minutes ago I signed in on FB and another person got engaged! I thought I’d have some down time since it’s not summer anymore! lol. Ugh. And ofcourse, they haven’t been together as long as SO and I.

Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@memo It does get annoying at times, however recently I was genuinely happy this girl I knew from my childhood got engaged. 

She has aspergers syndrome and a few other health aliments and when I saw the status up date I geniunely smiled.   As she has been with her fiance for maybe two years less then me and SO.  However I was very thrilled for her.

It’s funny how with one person you feel annoyed and shitty against them because of  their behaviour.   Yet with someone else there is that warm awww I’m really happy for them.  If you get what I mean.

Member
2 posts
Wannabee

@lucy_smith:  Im on the same boat. Ive been with my boyfriend for 7 yrs and 8 months and all except 2 girls of my circle of friends are engaged/married with Kids..and from those 2 that I mention 1 of them is pregnant but not engaged! We all rage from ages 24-26…..

 Since they have all been dating far less than my bf and I (1.2 yrs-3.5yrs) there were times when the uncontrolable competition would start. I hated myself sometimes for having those negative emotions in my head about comparing myself to my friends and their relationships but I couldnt help it. Ive nagged my bf so much that Ive started to think that the reason he hasn’t proposed is because of all the nagging and pain that I have caused him in the past year about wanting to be engaged to him. I keep telling myself everytime we argue that this will be the last time I mention anything wedding/engagement/ring related but it doesnt happen because everytime another friend is about to walk down the isle..my heart just wanted to burn up lol! Sad but true.

Recently

One of them got engaged to her bf of a little bit over a 1yr, 2 weeks ago. When I first heard I pretended to be extremelly happy and even though deep inside i wanted to kill my bf (ha ha) I never gave him shit. On the contrary, I told him how it made me feel and he understood. He gave me a speech on how my time will come and that as soon as I forget about it ..the day I least expected, it will happen. 

 

A year ago I gave him an ultimatum that if he didnt pop the question by Dec 31/2012 I was honestly thinking of ending it. Now things have changed because we recently bought a house together :) ! Now I look at things in a different perspective, 

This is what I tell myself:  Never compare your situation to anyone elses. People are different and every relationship is different. Most important thing is how you and your partner get along…how much you love eachother and respect each other. A ring nor 1 day of your life getting married will determine a lifetime of happiness. I know its every girl’s dream to walk down the isle and to have the diamond on their finger but once you have all of that and your time does come…Everything youve been waiting for will soon be over…the wedding will just turn into a nice memory ..looking at your ring will become a habit but you will still have that man you love dearly by yourside …with a ring or not. The best thing I could do is patiently wait and enjoy every moment I have with the man I love.

Something my bf told me recently made me feel better…. when we last talked about us being the longest relationship and maybe the last one to get married out of all of our friends.. He said :

“I dont mind saving the best for last” Sealed

 

Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

Never compare your situation to anyone elses. People are different and every relationship is different.

It’s difficult not to feel upset when someone else’s relationship has everything that your own relationship is lacking. If my friend’s SO can propose after a year, why can’t mine? We aren’t that different and our relationships aren’t that different – we both want an engagement ring – she has one and I don’t. It’s easy to say that my SO is different to hers, but the point is that I don’t want him to be!! I want a SO like hers! 

Member
2 posts
Wannabee

@Gorjuss:  What I mean is that since men are the ones that propose not all men want the same things at the same time. For example my SO prefers having a house together at this stage in our lives before getting me a ring…A ring will come soon but in his mind  , he values more the commitment of having a house together than being engaged living with my parents. This is what i mean when everyones situation is diferent. The friend of mine that got engaged 2 weeks ago has her beautiful engagement ring but has never lived with her fiance nor they plan to move together before the wedding. Some people prefer different things.. thats all! 

 Yes I do want to have my moment of gushing over my proposal/ring and future wedding plans but i cant force nor control my bf to do something that he wants to do on his own in his right time. But you cant say your relationship is lacking ..lacking on what?? love ?? will your relationship be any different if you have a ring?? I sure hope not… a ring nor an engagement cant complete a relationship.. its the two of you that do.. married or not married!

And even though its difficult to not feel upset just think that your time will come sooner or later. Wanting what everyone else has means your are not content with what you have…thats not healthy You have the man you love by your side thats what matters most :)  

Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

What I mean is that since men are the ones that propose not all men want the same things at the same time

But what about the things I want? My friend and I both want a man to propose… she has a SO who wants to get married, and I don’t. So I envy her relationship because they have shared goals and timelines and they’re on the same page with regard to their future. My SO and I aren’t… we want different things. 

Yes, all relationships are different and have different timelines… and that’s fine as long as both partners are on the same page. But when both partners aren’t on the same page, that’s when jealousy arises when you see other couples who are on the same page. 

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