Yet another guest list dilemma

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Invite all, or just two?
    Invite all the cousins and hope only a few come : (16 votes)
    33 %
    Invite only the ones you want and hope no one's feelings get hurt : (33 votes)
    67 %
  • Post # 3
    2787 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Lrroma181986:  Are you parents paying for all of this? Who do they think will be paying? It’s rude to force someone to spend more money then they have…invite who you want. It’s your wedding. 

    Post # 4
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    I didn’t invite all of my cousins, and it hasn’t come back to bite me in the ass yet. 

    Post # 5
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I also didn’t invite all my cousins. And are these your first cousins or your parents’ first cousins? I understand your parents fighting for your first cousins, because those are their nieces and nephews, but thier cousins is a bit of a stretch.

    Also agree with PP, their opinion holds more weight if they are helping pay.

    Post # 6
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    If you’re paying you get final say on the guest list and that would be to only invite those that you are close to.  If he’s paying then he gets final say and you’re stuck inviting all of them as he requests.

    Post # 7
    539 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I am inviting all of MY first cousins, but certainly not my Dad’s (my Grandmother is from a family of 5 as was my Grandfather) and that would make my guest list insane.  Who is paying for the wedding?  If you are, then just let him know that you can not afford to pay for all of those people.  But if your Father is paying for it, then its up to him to find the money to do so.

    Post # 8
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I have 8 first cousins. I invited one of them. One was upset. The others were totally fine with it

    Post # 9
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I have 17 first cousins. I’ve only invited 9 of them, all from one side because those are the ones I’m closest with, except for the two I’m closest to on my other side just to not hurt feelings. I’m still really hoping it doesn’t come back to bite me in the butt.

    Post # 10
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My sister only invited the cousins she wanted to come  -and most of them came. I invited all of the cousins – and none of them came.  I vote just do what you want!

    Post # 11
    10883 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    When determining who does and who does not end up on your guest list, I think it’s important to treat all individuals of the same category in the same manner, unless there is some obvious, differentiating factor. 

    In this case, I don’t think you can invite two of your father’s first cousins but not the others. However, if one of your father’s cousins were raised by your grandparents almost as a sibling to your father, or, if one of those cousins were a God-parent to you, then I think you easily could make a case for inviting that one and not the others.

    Post # 12
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @Lrroma181986:  I have a ton of cousins as well, but we are only inviting those who have met FI.  The rule applies with all categories of guests on both his and my sides so it’s fair. 

    Post # 13
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I was in the same situation with pretty much the same number of cousins on my Dad’s side. I really only wanted to invite a few of them but really didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I ultimately decided to invite all if them. Although I know some of them might not attend, I’m actually looking forward to having them there since we really don’t see each other very often. 

    It is up to you though since it is your wedding!

    Post # 14
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @Lrroma181986:  I feel your pain. I voted to only invite the cousins you want at your wedding.

    I have over 20 cousins on my dad’s side alone. I also don’t know any of them and wouldn’t even recognize them on the street. My dad thought I should invite all my cousins.  

    Because my FI and I are paying for our own wedding, my dad offered to cover the costs for all the cousins, but that’s not the point.  The point is, it’s our wedding, not my father’s (and my FI and I take pride in financially providing for ourselves). My dad had his wedding already, it’s our turn now and we want an intimate occassion. I feel the same applies to your situation, it’s your wedding.


    Post # 16
    5160 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Lrroma181986:  If your parents are paying for the food (the only major variable cost) and they want to invite them, I say invite them.  

    If you were paying and they expected you to invite these people I’d say not to invite them.

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