Post # 1
My dad wants me to invite ALL of his cousins. Including their spouses, that is SEVENTEEN people. I rarely see them. I think I have met most of them only one or two times. Once in my adult life at my grandmother’s funeral last year.
Out of the seventeen, there are two that I see more often and would like to invite. But my parents think if I invite them, I have to invite the rest too. Our guest list is getting out of control. Do I just nix all but the two and hope the rest understand? Or do I invite them all in the hopes that only the ones I am closest to actually come? Help!
Post # 3
@Lrroma181986: Are you parents paying for all of this? Who do they think will be paying? It’s rude to force someone to spend more money then they have…invite who you want. It’s your wedding.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I didn’t invite all of my cousins, and it hasn’t come back to bite me in the ass yet.
Post # 5
I also didn’t invite all my cousins. And are these your first cousins or your parents’ first cousins? I understand your parents fighting for your first cousins, because those are their nieces and nephews, but thier cousins is a bit of a stretch.
Also agree with PP, their opinion holds more weight if they are helping pay.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
If you’re paying you get final say on the guest list and that would be to only invite those that you are close to. If he’s paying then he gets final say and you’re stuck inviting all of them as he requests.
Post # 7
I am inviting all of MY first cousins, but certainly not my Dad’s (my Grandmother is from a family of 5 as was my Grandfather) and that would make my guest list insane. Who is paying for the wedding? If you are, then just let him know that you can not afford to pay for all of those people. But if your Father is paying for it, then its up to him to find the money to do so.
Post # 8
I have 8 first cousins. I invited one of them. One was upset. The others were totally fine with it
Post # 9
I have 17 first cousins. I’ve only invited 9 of them, all from one side because those are the ones I’m closest with, except for the two I’m closest to on my other side just to not hurt feelings. I’m still really hoping it doesn’t come back to bite me in the butt.
Post # 10
My sister only invited the cousins she wanted to come -and most of them came. I invited all of the cousins – and none of them came. I vote just do what you want!
Post # 11
When determining who does and who does not end up on your guest list, I think it’s important to treat all individuals of the same category in the same manner, unless there is some obvious, differentiating factor.
In this case, I don’t think you can invite two of your father’s first cousins but not the others. However, if one of your father’s cousins were raised by your grandparents almost as a sibling to your father, or, if one of those cousins were a God-parent to you, then I think you easily could make a case for inviting that one and not the others.
Post # 12
@Lrroma181986: I have a ton of cousins as well, but we are only inviting those who have met FI. The rule applies with all categories of guests on both his and my sides so it’s fair.
Post # 13
I was in the same situation with pretty much the same number of cousins on my Dad’s side. I really only wanted to invite a few of them but really didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I ultimately decided to invite all if them. Although I know some of them might not attend, I’m actually looking forward to having them there since we really don’t see each other very often.
It is up to you though since it is your wedding!
Post # 14
@Lrroma181986: I feel your pain. I voted to only invite the cousins you want at your wedding.
I have over 20 cousins on my dad’s side alone. I also don’t know any of them and wouldn’t even recognize them on the street. My dad thought I should invite all my cousins.
Because my FI and I are paying for our own wedding, my dad offered to cover the costs for all the cousins, but that’s not the point. The point is, it’s our wedding, not my father’s (and my FI and I take pride in financially providing for ourselves). My dad had his wedding already, it’s our turn now and we want an intimate occassion. I feel the same applies to your situation, it’s your wedding.
Post # 15
These are my dad’s cousins. Not mine. I’ve already invited all of mine. However, my parents are paying for the food, which will be the most expensive aspect. We are trying to pay for the rest. I don’t want my parents to go into debt for us (money is tight for them right now). But they have told me they personally will be thrilled if they pay $10,000 or less in total help for the wedding, which was way more help than I was expecting. They have told me not to worry about money, they want me to have the day I have always dreamed of, and they will help however they have to. Apparently I am the one most concerned about money, even when it’s not my own money we are talking about. I am hoping the food will be around $5,000, and fi and I are planning to pay for the rest ourselves.
My mom says invite them all, because they won’t all come. She said they will probably only send one or two to represent the family (it helps that they all live out of state). So probably only the two I actually talk to will come. I am just nervous, because if they do all come I am in trouble, lol.
Post # 16
@Lrroma181986: If your parents are paying for the food (the only major variable cost) and they want to invite them, I say invite them.
If you were paying and they expected you to invite these people I’d say not to invite them.