- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Sorry for using this board to basically bitch about my FMIL, but I seriously need to vent somewhere about this. You’ll be able to see from my last post that my FMIL isn’t the top of my favourite people list because I consider her quite a selfish and fake individual. I went out for dinner last night with my FI, Fi’s sister and her boyfriend, FMIL and her boyfriend.
She has a problem with us eloping, despite the fact she would never in a million years have offered one penny towards a wedding, which is fine by me, entirely. So last night at dinner, she keeps bringing up her idea for a family meal of around thirty people for after we get back from our elopement. I’m not happy about this because the whole point of eloping was to avoid all that fake bullshit, as well as us being straight out unable to afford it. Most of this thirty odd list is made up of her friends and family who we have no contact with, and five people from my family, so I visibly agreed to it but took a back seat from the deliberation last night as it doesn’t really concern me.
my FI got really annoyed with me because aside from confirming that my family members would go, I didn’t speak up about it. But seriously, what am I meant to say? They’re all sitting there deliberating over whether X can sit next to Y, and they’re people i don’t know!
I then kind of assumed, given that it was all a showing off affair for her family and friends that she and his father would pay for it, seeing as she knows we are really hard up at the moment because FI just got made redundant this month and is searching for work. She then mentioned how we can just ‘split the bill’ at the end! WHAT? In my opinion, it is incredibly tacky to invite a party of people out and then expect them to pay their way. If they were coming to the wedding they wouldn’t pay, so why is this okay? I was horrified and in private told my FI that I couldn’t do that, and would even rather wait until we could save up to have the meal just to save the embarrassment. I do not want to have this dinner, but I will if it makes FMIL happy, but I will not embarrass myself because of her stinginess. I do not feel entitled to her money, time ot anything else, but I do feel annoyed that we are being forced into this situation which is potentially mortifying. My mum and dad already think his family are tight with money (they earn more than my parents yet never even do the basic things, like buying housewarming or engagement gifts – which we dont expect, but it is awkward to explain away) so I couldn’t invite them to this dinner on the understanding that its a pay your own way deal, as my parents would feel obliged to pay the bill which they can’t afford and I wouldn’t allow it.
I just think she’s being egocentric about this whole thing and is making it about her; we dont have any friends coming even, they haven’t been asked, yet people we have met once have made the cut. I told my FI that we either have the dinner and the FILs pay, or we wait a few months until we can pay and he thinks both are unacceptable. What do I do?