Post # 1
My fiance and I got a dinner invite to old â€˜group friendsâ€™ of his that are not invited to our April 2nd wedding. During the year and a half the guy and I have been together, we have not socialized with this couple even though they live near by. We did escort the wife to a movie so she would not have to go alone, and we did attend her fatherâ€™s wake. They adopted a child before the guy and I ever met, but neither one of us has had the privilege of meeting this child.
Last spring I made several attempts to socialize with the wife and meeting their adopted baby. At first she delayed me, and then she totally blew me off. I do not buy the â€œbusyâ€ excuse from anybody, for my life is absolutely hectic yet I manage to see people that are important to me and to extend myself to people in my guyâ€™s life. And I see from Facebook that she has somewhat of a social life.
A part of me thinks this sudden invite to their home is her attempt to be invited to the wedding. She asked me about the wedding on Facebook, and I mentioned having sent out the save the dates a while back. She might have gotten the hint that she’s not invited.
I have no issue with not inviting them. I have no need for somebody who disregarded my attempts at friendship and who we do not see socially. I did tell my guy a while ago, when he put this couple on our b-list, that I did not feel they should be invited for the above reasons.
How do I avoid an awkward moment if we do go to their home for dinner? I am not inclined to go, but a part of me feels obligated if my guy wants to go.
Would anybody see a reason to hang out with these people?
Would anybody see a reason to invite these people to our wedding?
Post # 3
do you want to rebuild a friendship with them? if so, socialize them, but don’t necessarily invite them to the wedding. if they ask, just explain that you’re having a small wedding.
Post # 4
@kitzy: I never had a friendship with them. My fiance did a few years back. I’ve never even met the husband. And am I intrested? No. I think I was treated rudely and would rather spend my time with people that value me.
And I did tell her, when she asked me on Facebook, that we are having a small wedding (100 guests, mostly family)
Post # 5
I understand that you don’t buy the “busy” excuse. However, some people just don’t make time to hang out with others, regardless of how you do it, especially if they have children. You may not be on their A list either. So they have to juggle their lives around their closest friends and then hang out with the other ones later. It seems like this is an attempt to hang out with you and your fiance now. I’m sorry it didn’t happen sooner, but that’s just life. I wouldn’t feel obligated to invite them to the wedding. But I would make the effort to go to dinner with them (if you have time).
If they ask about the wedding, just say you have already made the guest list. And there are so many people in your life you had to narrow it down.
Post # 6
@kperry3: Thanks for the feedback.
Actually, she never told me she was busy; I just gave her the benefit of the doubt.
I completely agree with you that we juggle the people in our lives, and some of those people have more or less priority than others. My guest list is made up of the people that I prioritize and that prioritize me.
I told my guy that I am not particularly interested in having dinner with them, but if he wants to I will consider joining him.
Post # 7
As couples, there are always times when we have to support our partner in something we would rather not do.
If your Fiance wants to have dinner with them, plaster a smile on your face, make polite table conversation and go their home.
You have already told her that you are having a small wedding. If she raises the subject again, (which we all know she shouldn’t be doing), just say again that you have had to limit the guest list and are sorry that you can’t invite everyone you would like to have at the wedding. Say “I’m sure you must have had the same experience at your wedding”.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t invite them. Would you even call her a casual acquaintance? It sounds like she just wants to be invited to the wedding.
Post # 9
@SBourgeous: She is a “group friend” my guy used to see more often but has not socialized with since well before he and I met. I am fairly certain she is making a last minute attempt to get invited wedding, but we are NOT inviting her (especially not after my multiple attempts to socialize with her and since it was never important enough for her to introduce my guy to the child she adopted a year and a half ago.)
@julies1949: I’d prefer to not even socialize with her, but I did tell my guy that I will gladly escort him and be on my best behavior he’d like to go.
Post # 10
@stacycats: But you are right, if you don’t feel like having dinner with them, and your fiance is ok with that, then you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Somtimes people just need to remain acquaintences and not try to be friends. I always get hurt by the people I think are my friends who don’t give me the time of day. I hope it all works out!