Yikes, I may have did something terrible in etiquette land

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@elliptical2013:  I don’t see anything wrong with what you did. But if you are inviting your cousins for example, you would address it to “THe Smith Family” This means that the aunt, uncle and cousin(s) are invited, the cousins are not being invited with a plus one, if they were, you would send a seperate invite to each cousin with a guest.
We had an aunt that asked if her daughter could bring her BF and we said no, because 1) We never met him, and 2) We are on a budget. (Mind you her check bounced, so she has a lot of nerve asking to bring an additional guest and her check bouncing)

 

 

 

However, if you are inviting someone that lives with their SO, you have to invite them with a guest regardless if they are married or not. its just the right thing to do. So you should let your FI know that

 

Post # 4
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@elliptical2013:  I didn’t put plus ones on the STD’s – only married/living together/engaged couples were named on the STD.  Invites will have ‘& Guest’ or name of the SO in the case of couples that aren’t in one of the above mentioned categories.  I’ve already told a few of my friends that their SO’s are welcome, they just weren’t named as the relationships were new and I didn’t want to add pressure 😉

My cousins who are 18+ but live at home got their own STD’s and will get their own invites as well.

Post # 7
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@elliptical2013:  Are these cousins adults? If so, you really should send them their own invite, even though it’s going to the same house as your aunt and uncle. You can just put their own name, no & Guest or anything.

Post # 8
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@elliptical2013:  Not a big deal. If we know who their guest is we are writing the guest’s name in. If they don’t currently have anyone then it is just their name. If that changed by the time invites go out then they get a guest. But if you aren’t with someone right now are you going to bring a new girlfriend to a wedding? Probably not. Not the biggest deal in the world to send adults living with their parents one STD but I would give them their own invite. I am sending separate STD to everyone over the age of 18 as most have long term boyfriends so that would get confusing with their parents on it as well. 

Post # 9
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@elliptical2013:  Yes ask their names for the actual invites. STD are fine not to have official names as they are super casual. 

Post # 10
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@elliptical2013:  you are fine. its a STD.

the invitation is when you need to address who is invited. For ex The Smith Family OR if they are a couple Mr. & Mrs. John Doe 

And you are inviting your cousin that has a bf/gf you would write Mr. John Smith & Ms. Jane Doe (if you don’t know their name you can always just put Mr. John Smith & Guest, but its nice to have both names on their)

When I sent my invites out, we allowed our single guest to bring someone so thats when we used Mr. Jason Smith & Guest

 

Post # 12
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Dude, it’s only the save the dates. Don’t even sweat it! You can properly address the actual invites. Remember that you don’t have to give plus ones to everybody! We didn’t give them to our families unless they specifically asked if they could or they already had a significant other. 

Post # 14
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@elliptical2013:  Yes. Adult cousins should always get their own invite and you can make it out to just them. No problem there.

Are you doing inner envelopes for your invites? If so, you need your boss’s wife’s name, FI’s coworker’s husband’s name, etc. If you aren’t (I’m not) you can just put Mr. & Mrs. Boss’s Firstname Lastname on the envelope. If you ARE doing inner envelopes that’s where you state the names of those invited.

ETA: Forgot to say, what you did for the STD’s was just fine. Invites are where all the formalities come in.

Post # 16
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@elliptical2013:  It’s just an extra envelope to put all the stuff in. Super traditional and formal. The outer envelope has Mr. & Mrs. John Smith 123 Fake Street Nowhere, Random State with the stamp to send it. The inner envelope, which is actually where your invite, info cards, RSVP cards, whatever you’re including goes in, but that envelope simply states Mr. John Smith and then Mrs. Jane Smith.

If I remember right, I think it had something to do with when mail would get super dirty from the traveling and so the inner envelope was kept pretty by the outer envelope.

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