Post # 1
So, while the engagement hasn’t happened yet, FMIL knows Mr. Tacos intentions. Apparently he had the discussion with her months ago.
FMIL has warmed up to me and I find her to be very charming. Although she and I will never be surrogate mother/daughter like some of you lucky Bees, I can at least say it is am amicable relationship. We buy little presents for one-another – and though I wasn’t expecting a Christmas gift (They are Muslim), she got me a pretty shawl which I use at the office.
I decided to get a personal gift for her, I guess you can only do lotion and candles for so long! I was strapped for cash this season, so I ordered some prints of Mr. Tacos on our vacation and bought a frame that would match the decor in her home. I figured she’d enjoy having a framed photo of Mr. Tacos.
She and I will both be out of town over the holidays, so I wonder what the appropriate etiquette is to thank her? I can probably dig up her phone number some way, but I haven’t exchanged my gift with her yet so given the timing I was thinking… I could wait until I got back from being out of town, and bring the gift to her in person. Does that sound appropriate?
This is tricky for me, for some reason. I also found out that FMIL is staying with us next month for a night, and while I don’t officially live with Mr. Tacos… it’s pretty evident that I’ve made my mark there. I told Mr. Tacos I’d be staying at my own apartment that evening (which I’ve never slept at yet), and he thought it was absurd.
Do any of you Bees have advice? How do you manage your relationship with your “not quite there yet” FMIL?
Post # 3
Does she know you sleep there? Have you ever slept together while staying at her house? If not then it would probably be a good idea to sleep at your own place, especially if she has strict religious views. However, if she is perfectly okay with it or already knows then I see no problem. Lastly, you should really do what you feel most comfortable with, if you don’t feel comfortable sleeping at the house while she’s there don’t do it. Also, why not give her the gift when you see her then. Just some thoughts.
Post # 4
Regarding appropriate etiquette to thank her, why not send her a thank you note? My fiance and I send thank you notes to the other’s parents all the time.
If she doesn’t celebrate Christmas, I don’t see the timing of you giving your gift as an issue.
As for the overnight situation, if your fiance is okay with it and you’re not uncomfortable, you might as well stay with him. It’s HIS apartment, so as long as he stands up for you and the rules of his place, it ought to be fine. But if you’re uncomfortable (which I would be, too), there’s nothing wrong with staying at your place.
Post # 5
I have the same sticky situation, my FMIL knows we sleep in the bed, in the same house most nights. Do we sleep in the same bed while visiting her at her house? no, but when she comes and visits my boyfriend, we don’t change our sleeping arrangements, and it’s totally fine.
So, I say do what you feel most comfortable with! If you think it’s weird to have her in the next room, stay at your place. Don’t fret to much, it’s just one night!
Post # 6
Do you know how religious she is? Not to rain on your parade, but some Muslims do not allow photos of anyone in their home.
As for the “living” together. If your FFI thinks that it’s silly for you to go stay somewhere else then I would follow his lead. And, if when she’s there you feel uncomfortable then at least you know you have somewhere you can go.
Post # 7
Oh no, she has tons of photos. She’s pretty “hip” as Mr., Tacos would say. But for some reason the staying part is a “no”. At least, not until we are engaged.
When Mr. Tacos and I go visit his mom or dad, we stay in separate rooms at night. On the other hand… it IS abundantly obvious I am staying there from the clothes to the decor…