Post # 1
So I am co-maid of honor in a friends up coming wedding. I planned and paid for her entire bridal shower by myself. The other Maid/Matron of Honor planned a girls weekend away for the bridal party as her bachelorette party. I paid for my share of the weekend (hotel room, dinner, mani/pedi, trapeze classes-super fun btw!)
I just got an invitation for another bachelorette party that the other Maid/Matron of Honor is throwing for the brides local friends. It a whole day event starting at 12:30 and probably not ending until 9 or 10 that evening, and will probably cost another $150-200.
I really love my friend but with the bridal shower, my dress, the first bachelorette party, and gifts I have spent close to $700 and I really don’t want to spend anymore money on her wedding.
So my question is… Should I be honest and just tell her that I really can’t afford to come to yet another bachelorette party or should I just tell her I can’t make it because of some prior engagement (which would be a lie.) I ‘d honestly like to be able to go to just the first half or the party because that is the cheaper part of the day, but I don’t know how to explain why I wouldn’t be able to attend the evening festivities. I don’t want to hurt her feelings and make her feel bad, and if I hadn’t have already spent so much money on her wedding I would have no problem spending the money for the second bachelorette party.
I know I am sounding kinda cheap right now but 1000 dollars for one persons wedding seems like alot. I am planning my own wedding so I feel like I am saving every penny I can.
Please help! I hate lying but I really dont want to hurt her feelings! Thanks
Post # 3
@Meggiemae14: Why the hell is the other Maid/Matron of Honor throwing her another party? So weird.
Personally? I would go to only what I wanted and then pretend I’m sick. I’d set it up that I am on antibiotics or something… so once the drinking portion of the day started, I’m out.
Normally I’m not for lieing to friends, but brides can be insane and there’s no reason to hurt her feelings. I have the most reasonable, level-headed friend in the world who got married a 5 hour drive away- sort of mini-DW. I was unemployed for a YEAR before her wedding and still, when I said I was spending the night before (to help her get ready for the 9am ceremony) but would be leaving that night, she was hurt. Um. Expensive beach resort for TWO nights on top of gas & food? I totally didn’t expect her to care. It ended up working out and I was glad I was able to stay another night (yay SO for paying!) but you just never know how a bride is going to react.
Post # 4
@Meggiemae14: I went through a similar situation with one of my closest friends when her Maid/Matron of Honor decided on a bachelorette destination that was going to cost me $750 for the flight and hotel alone. My advice is just to be up front with your friend and let her know that you love her and are honored to be part of all these celebrations, but you can only make it to the first half of the party because of finances. I feel like people are more likely to understand that sometimes people just plain can’t afford something and you wouldn’t want to lie about a prior engagement and have it come out somehow that that wasn’t the case (that happened to me in regards to my bachelorette party and it feels much worse to be lied to. I wish my friend had just been honest.). Either way, I know it’s a crummy situation to be in, but your friend will understand!
Post # 5
@MexiPino: Thanks so much for feeling better! I felt like since I was Maid/Matron of Honor I should try to be at all of her wedding events and I have been. I am also getting married and I can’t imagine being offended if someone couldn’t afford to spend another couple hundred dollars for a room for the night. I think it was pretty nice you offered to stay the first night and help her get ready. I would have chose to stay the second night so I didn’t have to drive after the wedding. So happy everything worked out for you! Those SO’s are pretty handy sometime! 🙂
Post # 6
@sparklerunner: I had decided I was just going to tell her the truth but I really don’t want to make her feel bad about having this party. But I totally agree I would hate if she somehow found out that I was lying, plus I am terrible liar!
Post # 7
@Meggiemae14: I had 2 but there were no overlapping guests. So yes bow out. This is absurd.
Post # 8
Tell her the truth. You are her MoH so obviously you are her friend. She knows you have your own wedding to pay for so I don’t see how she could get upset with you for not going to a second party. 🙂
Post # 9
First of all: two bachelorette parties is just ridiculous. You don’t need two! Second of all: just tell her the truth. I’m sure she’ll understand that you just can’t afford it, especially with your own wedding planning and such. I couldn’t get mad at a MOH/BM for being unable to attend a second batchelorette party (granted I wouldn’t have two). Money doesn’t grow on trees. Surely she understands that.