Post # 1
My husband and I will be renewing our vows next year.
Both of us are aware that it would be gauche to expect gifts for this event. We are doing this to celebrate with my family and not to get presents.
I mentioned that I didn’t want gifts to my father and he didn’t agree with that approach. He said “You can’t stop people from buying you gifts. Some people will want to bring presents because they couldn’t when you eloped.”
Bees, I don’t want my guests to spend money on presents. I am not having a vow renewal to be gift grabby. My husband and I were going to write “Your presence is the best present” on the invitations so people would know not to bring anything. Now I wonder if that is the best idea.
What do you think?
Post # 3
@PositiveThinking: I like that idea, or just writing “no gifts please” at the bottom very small
Post # 4
@MrsTywinLannister: Writing no gifts is technically rude – it implies that you can direct your guests’ gift giving.
OP, can you pass by word of mouth that you really, really don’t want gifts?
Post # 5
@MoonlitMagnolia: I can see that I suppose. In this case though (since it’s a vow renewal) I’d rather be rude writing “no gifts please” than seen as gift-grabby.
Post # 6
@PositiveThinking: We didn’t want gifts at our wedding as we are moving overseas and it was totally impractical. Also many of our guests came from overseas so had already spent enough.
I refused to write anything on the invitation and so a lot of people asked either us or my parents what to do. If they asked, we explained the situation.
It turned out to be true that you can’t stop people buying a gift though – we had a lot of cash gifts and some other really thoughtful stuff like a voucher for an afternoon tea in a posh hotel, a beautiful picture of the church where we were married and many other things that were small enough to store or transport.
I see that your issue is not the same but I think writing nothing is the best option and if they ask you can say you are not expecting gifts.
Post # 7
I will not register for our wedding. It is a destination wedding (chosen because FI is American and I am Canadian, so we felt it was the most fair thing to do). I think it is inappropriate to register for gifts when every guest is already going to have to pay for a flight, accomodations, and take a day or two off work just to be able to come. His side has been more of a “you have to register, people will still want to buy you gifts because it’s a wedding”. It’s not happening.
I put on our website “your prescence is your present”. I don’t care what people say, if you can post a registry which is basically a list saying “these are the gifts we want you to buy us” you can post that you don’t want any gifts. Nothing is going on the invitation.
Since it’s a vow renewal, I wouldn’t put anything on the invitation. If people ask, you tell them “no gifts please, just come celebrate”. If they don’t ask and show up with or send a gift, just smile and say thank you.
Post # 8
We did the whole your presence is our present thing but I think it’s ok here in Australia, it’s sort of the norm to define what you want. I guess it’s really up to the standard of etiquette where you are, whether your guests will think it’s rude or not.
While our wedding is not a destination wedding as such (it’s an hour from our home), a lot of our guests need to travel and spend a lot on accom so I didn’t want them spending extra on gifts. Turns out they will though, I’ve already had a lot of ‘what do you mean you don’t want gifts, I’ll get you something anyway’ – so I agree with your dad. Just be gracious if they do show up with something 🙂
Post # 9
Actually, no gifts is only rude if it is a wedding invitation.
I have confirmed this by looking at etiquette guides.
A vow renewal is not a wedding, so I can say “Your presence is the best present.”
Post # 10
That’s fine, but be gracious and accepting if someone does choose to buy you something anyway.
Post # 11
I think yourplan is fine. If you get gifts, accept them graciously.
Post # 12
@PositiveThinking: Untrue, but thanks for playing.
Post # 13
@PositiveThinking: Don’t write anything. She’s right – you can’t stop people from doing something they think is polite. Just let them bring gifts. Donate them or something after.
It makes people feel good to give gifts sometimes.
Post # 14
Playing what? I am certain that I am correct.
I am not looking to argue about something that I am certain about.
Post # 15
I was talking to one of my best friends and my aunt about this issue.
They agree with my dad. It seems like many people want to give us presents because we eloped when we got married.
I will certainly be gracious when I receive gifts. It looks like expecting guests to come empty handed is unrealistic.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t write anything. If people want to give you a gift they will regardless.