"You can't stop people from buying you gifts!"

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 4
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MrsTywinLannister:  Writing no gifts is technically rude – it implies that you can direct your guests’ gift giving.

OP, can you pass by word of mouth that you really, really don’t want gifts? 

Post # 5
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@MoonlitMagnolia:  I can see that I suppose.  In this case though (since it’s a vow renewal) I’d rather be rude writing “no gifts please” than seen as gift-grabby.  

Post # 6
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@PositiveThinking:  We didn’t want gifts at our wedding as we are moving overseas and it was totally impractical. Also many of our guests came from overseas so had already spent enough.

I refused to write anything on the invitation and so a lot of people asked either us or my parents what to do. If they asked, we explained the situation.

It turned out to be true that you can’t stop people buying a gift though – we had a lot of cash gifts and some other really thoughtful stuff like a voucher for an afternoon tea in a posh hotel, a beautiful picture of the church where we were married and many other things that were small enough to store or transport.

I see that your issue is not the same but I think writing nothing is the best option and if they ask you can say you are not expecting gifts.

Post # 7
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I will not register for our wedding.  It is a destination wedding (chosen because FI is American and I am Canadian, so we felt it was the most fair thing to do).  I think it is inappropriate to register for gifts when every guest is already going to have to pay for a flight, accomodations, and take a day or two off work just to be able to come.  His side has been more of a “you have to register, people will still want to buy you gifts because it’s a wedding”.  It’s not happening.

I put on our website “your prescence is your present”.  I don’t care what people say, if you can post a registry which is basically a list saying “these are the gifts we want you to buy us” you can post that you don’t want any gifts.  Nothing is going on the invitation.

Since it’s a vow renewal, I wouldn’t put anything on the invitation.  If people ask, you tell them “no gifts please, just come celebrate”.  If they don’t ask and show up with or send a gift, just smile and say thank you.

Post # 8
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We did the whole your presence is our present thing but I think it’s ok here in Australia, it’s sort of the norm to define what you want. I guess it’s really up to the standard of etiquette where you are, whether your guests will think it’s rude or not.

 

While our wedding is not a destination wedding as such (it’s an hour from our home), a lot of our guests need to travel and spend a lot on accom so I didn’t want them spending extra on gifts. Turns out they will though, I’ve already had a lot of ‘what do you mean you don’t want gifts, I’ll get you something anyway’ – so I agree with your dad. Just be gracious if they do show up with something 🙂

Post # 10
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s fine, but be gracious and accepting if someone does choose to buy you something anyway.

Post # 11
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think yourplan is fine. If you get gifts, accept them graciously.

Post # 13
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@PositiveThinking:  Don’t write anything.  She’s right – you can’t stop people from doing something they think is polite.  Just let them bring gifts.  Donate them or something after.

It makes people feel good to give gifts sometimes.

Post # 16
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t write anything. If people want to give you a gift they will regardless.

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