(Closed) you could of came if you really wanted to

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@pettles:  I’m sorry this is happening to you! A couple of my really close friends (and family members) couldn’t make it to our semi-desination wedding. I was hurt a bit, especially because many of them were sure they were coming, and then didn’t. But, at the same time I tried to be open minded about the other things going on in their lives. Do you have to uninvite in FI friend? Is there someone else you could invite?

Post # 5
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@pettles:  you don’t have to uninvite your FI’s friend, When my SO and I get married I’m going to ask 3 girls to be in my Bridal Party, SO swears none of his friends want to be there and therefore not part of the bridal party. So I could potentially have 3 people while he has none.

It will be ok, as far as your friend’s surgery being a higher priority to her than your wedding, it’s sad that your friendship of 20 years is on the line because of this. But I find that weddings do bring out the best and worst in people. I’m a big fan of honesty, and the next time she asks what’s up? I’d tell her how you feel.

Post # 6
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@pettles:  You say she never seemed excited about your wedding, but was clearly upset that you weren’t inviting her. Obviously she is excited about it, just not to your expectations. Unfortunately, most people will not have the excitement level of you and your FI.

Also, her surgery, regardless of what it’s for, would have been scheduled months ago and she has probably already started many pre-op things that were needed to be done prior. Sure she could re-schedule and most likely lose her spot in line and have to start from scratch for waiting and pre-ops, she may even have started making payments for it and could end up losing money.

I think you need to be more understanding and accept that she has other things in her life that are preventing her from attending, that’s just simply life.

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I also think she was excited or else why she would she want to be there. I think missing the wedding for cosmetic surjery is stupid, but dummerbride brings up a good point about pre-op things she has to do.

Honeslty I think disinviting your Fi friends is wrong. Once you give an invitation you can’t take it back. Do you have another friend or family member who could go in her place? ARe you certain she not coming? YOu said it was close to the wedding but it doesn’t seem like she commented either way about if she was going to be there?

Keep things in perspective even if best friend can’t be there, don’t be selfish by insisting that your Fi disinvite his best friend.

Post # 11
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@pettles:  i’m sorry you are upset but i think that you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.  she obviously was excited b/c she wanted to be there with you.  it is not always easy to just postpone a surgery, elective or not.  she obviously cannot commit to the trip.  have you considered that she just doesn’t have the money for the trip?  surgeries and not cheap.  there is nothing wrong with her priority being her surgery over your wedding.

you didn’t have to uninvite your fi’s bf.  couldn’t you have invited someone else or just have the male friend there?

be the big person and let it go.  weddings are stressful enough.  you should be enjoying the planning process and everything that it entails.

Post # 15
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@pettles:  i understand that it hurts but you need to realize that not everyone is as excited about weddings as you and i are.  i love weddings and always have.  i know many people who just can’t stand them.  perhaps she changed her mind and is using the surgery as an excuse.  please don’t let it dampen your bridal experience.  the best thing to do is to accept her decision and move on.

example:  i had invited a few different family members from out of town to my wedding.  one out of province and one out of country.  they said that they couldn’t come for work and money reasons.  fine.  however, both individuals ended up travelling to ontario a month or two after the wedding.  i could have been petty and upset with this but it’s their decision.  i didn’t think twice about it.  i’m sorry they missed the wedding but i’m glad that they could take a trip later. 

negative energy is toxic.  you just don’t need it.

 

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