Post # 1
I don’t know I kinda feel sorta b*tchy – do I have a right to be annoyed
So my FMIL tends to be a very outspoken dominate strong woman – she raised 4 boys and with a husband and a male dog I swear she has to be strong.
So there is family coming from all areas to come to our wedding and some are getting hotels and some are staying with friends. Now keep in mind that I run by a guest list and she decided who I am inviting from her family.
So we are 2 weeks away from the wedding – FI and I are living with them temporarily while we finish up renos on our home – so I get home yesterday and she says to me – “WELL, my sister and my niece and so and so want to stay here the day after the wedding – I just don’t know where im going to put everyone, You deal with it”
Me deal with it – its her family not mine – so knowing how she is I flat up said “ok let us know if we should get a hotel or clear out our temporary room and just stay on an air mattress cause we go on our honeymoon Monday…but im sorry im not dealing with this. This isn’t my problem this is your family” And she proceeds to say to me that I invited them, I wanted this big guest list – hahahahah
Like listen here, I don’t know them from a stranger on the street I didn’t have to invite them!!!
So I just said to her – In a b*tchy tone “No sorry not my problem you deal with your family and we will make arrangements to be out of your way while they visit – this isn’t my family or my home and I didn’t ask for them to be on the guest list, and all you have to say is can you guys shuffle around to make room or get a hotel, not YOU DEAL WITH IT, that’s uncalled for”
That’s exactly what I told her – was I rude?
Post # 3
I took this directly from the Knot.
Lodging for Out-of-Town Guests
In general, out-of-town guests are expected to pay for their own lodging. It is a courtesy — and certainly not obligatory — for the bride and groom to take responsibility for finding or recommending lodging for out-of-town guests. But if yours is a large wedding and you expect the attendance of a good number of out-of-town guests, it’s a smart idea to prereserve a block of rooms in a hotel; some hotels will even offer discount room rates if a minimum number is booked in a block. Some friends may offer to put up out-of-town guests at their homes. If so, it is up to you to make the best match so that all involved are comfortable with the arrangement. Then either you or the hosts can send the out-of-town guests the name, address, and telephone number of their host and hostess and directions to their home and let them know what to expect (whether their hosts have a pet, a swimming pool, children, and the like). Make sure the hosts are clear on the guests’ arrival and departure dates and times. Remember to give a thank-you gift to those who are providing lodgi
Post # 4
my concern isnt the ediquatte (SP)- because they have a hotel – its they want to visit and called her to say they want to stay which is fine – but she told me its my problem to deal with her family that wants to stay in her house?????? and for her to say “Deal with it” instead of hey gotta some family staying over mind if you guys use the air mattress or hotel for one more night? like WTF is with her attitude!
Post # 5
Well, yes. I mean, she was rude first, and you had every right to tell her that it wasn’t your problem, but tone and the way you say things count for a lot. Maybe (after taking a few moments to calm down), apologize for your tone, and then try to figure out a solution together?
It also sounds like the sister and the niece are being rather presumptuous, assuming that the Mother of the groom would have space for them to stay.
Post # 6
Good for you! I think what you said was fine, it needed to be said, and was got your point across. Hopefully she’s not too butt hurt by it and she needs to remember it’s not your problem, she invited them and they are her family so she should help them figure something out. If it’s easier for you and FI to get a hotel after the wedding, then do that, it probably will save you some headaches and you might want some alone and rest time away from everyone anyway.
Post # 7
I think you were rude. And I’m a little concerned that you even spoke to your MIL that way. It’s not so out of line for her to ask you to help out with logistics, esp when she has been letting you live with her and helping with the wedding. Trust me, tensions run high in the time leading up to the wedding so you have to try extra hard to keep your cool so you don’t make enemies.
Post # 8
I appreciate your honesty…I really do – unfortonately all she had to do was persent the situation to me and ask me to help her out not rudely tell me to “Deal with it”
what does that even mean…call them, book a room for them, make space for them….
dont get me wrong she is a very loving and giving woman and i have a amazing relationship with her – i just think she was rude thats all and she should be called on it she cant assume she can speak how she wants all the time….
Post # 9
@penniepie: Two wrongs don’t make a right. You were very rude to her, and should apologize. Explain to her that you need to know what sorts of things she needs help with–it could be as simple as blocking rooms, which is very easy to do.
Post # 10
Her sistr and neice have a hotel room already they have been taken care of and was booked for them – they just called her up and said we are staying with you on the last night because we want to. She gets off the phone and says “well they want to stay here, so you deal with it.
As blunt as blunt could be she said it. I say what do you mean…and she says i dont care you want these people at your wedding you deal with it – so i ask again what do you mean….i dont know what you are asking me….and so on….
I said i dont know what you are saying deal with it for….like you want me to call then, get a room for them , get a room for myself – i dont know what you are saying….and when i finally say what i have to say – i mention to her this is all you have to do is let me know what you need…..not throw your hands up and tell me to deal with it like its my fault – i dont know these people.
Post # 11
I know you don’t know these people, but its YOUR wedding…you are marrying into this family. I’m sorry that you did not get the response from most of the Bees that you wanted. It doesn’t always work that way.
Post # 12
I appreciate everyones feedback!
sometimes its also hard planning a wedding with a MIL instead of a MOM (dont have one)!
Its not easy and it can be trying on the emotion and nerves.
Post # 13
I think she probably felt awkward asking you to move out of the room for the duration of the stay of the guests and thats why she just said “you deal with it”, I dont think she meant any harm
Post # 14
@Kanebaby: I don’t think just because it’s her wedding it’s her job to make sure everyone’s family is taken care of. It’s kind of unrealistic to expect her to figure out where to put these people, when she doesn’t know them, can’t talk to them directly. It really isn’t her responsibility.
It would have been better if MIL had just said so and so want to stay here, I need your help in figuring out where to put everyone. Then they could have come up with the solution of her and FI just getting a hotel or air mattress or whatev.
I’m sure you are both very stressed out and maybe just apologizing for the tone in which everything was said might smooth everything over?
Post # 15
Technically it is now your family too so get use to that.
Post # 16
I just want to say one thing though…
i wouldnt just “get used to” someones way of speaking to me just because im a part of the family. I would tell anyone in my own family if they were out of line to me as they would to me