Post # 1
My FMIL is a nut-case to say the least!
My FFIL passed away in December. He decided he didn’t want to be here anymore after my FMIL decided she wanted a divorce last fall. She started dating a new guy right away and we know NOTHING about him other than the fact that he is going thru a divorce right now. He married a widow after her husband passed away and this new guy used up all her money and wouldn’t get a job so she left him. Well now he is after my FMIL and she doesn’t see it.
Since FFIL passed away we haven’t seen much of FMIL because she is too busy with her new bf. She gave my FI and his brother a portion of the life insurance money and now is saying that we should give her money “because she doesn’t have a job.” NOT MY PROB! Go get one! We invited her, my FBIL & his FI over to cookout and FMIL bailed on us at the last minute to go to dinner with her bf and said that we should do it ‘tomorrow’. So ‘tomorrow’ came and she bailed AGAIN last minute, this time to go to her new bf’s daughters program at school. So I got angry and decided that it was STUPID and a bunch of bull so I texted her saying “I can’t believe you are canceling on YOUR boys for someone else’s kids!”
Before all of this happened we had scheduled a day to go dress shopping for my FMIL and my step-moms dresses the following week. Right as I was walking out the door FMIL texted me and said she wanted to follow us so she could run around after shopping. We went to the first dress place (we had 3 appointments that day) and she tried on two dresses, bought the second one, and left.
NOW we just heard that she ….. GOT A BOOB JOB! Are you kidding me?! You paid $250 last month on a dress and now you probably won’t fit in it! I am sooooo frustrated and annoyed!
Post # 3
I hope your FH just leaves her on her butt when her bf drains all of her money and she loses everything.
Post # 4
@countrylove914: Ugh, how irritating. I would be so mad if FI’s mom was doing that, and choosing her new BFs family over her own kids. I feel for you on that one. As far as the boob job, meh, that’s her choice. If she doesn’t fit into the dress and has to buy a new one, again, her choice. She has plenty of time to figure it out. Now, if she asks you guys for money for a new dress because she doesn’t fit in the old one anymore… that’s a different story!
Post # 5
The thing that bothers me the most is that when she decided to leave my FFIL she had no money, no place, no nothing and WE took care of her. Now she has life insurance money and has BLOWN thru it. If she runs out and asks us for even a PENNY I will flip out! She is a disaster.
Post # 6
I have no real advice except this: DO NOT- UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE- GIVE HER MONEY.
It might be one thing if she went broke and didn’t blow it or had been hanging around, but her actions are ridiculous. She has every right to get a boob job if she can afford it, but she can’t complain about lacking money now.
If it gets to some crazy point where she says she needs money for food/bills and you feel obligated to help… Don’t give her money. Invite her over for dinner, or drop it off. Don’t pay for cable/internet. If you feel obligated to pay for electricity or water, only pay a portion, and pay it directly to the company.
She just seems too irresponsible.
I’ve heard so many horror stories of “free loaders” like this. Don’t become a victim.
Post # 7
I refuse to give her any money. That is for sure!! We are 23 & 26 years old and work our butts off for everything we have. I am not giving a 54 year old woman money because she is too lazy to get a job! NOT MY PROBLEM she blew $6500 on a dang boobjob! Manage your money better sweetie 😉
The worst part – We used to be close. Until she filed for divorce and became a mess!
Post # 8
I have a ridiculous story myself about my FMIL. I’m going to spare you from all of the details, but she has canceled on me and FI 4 times (THE DAY OF, nonetheless!) with wedding related things. One was just to get together in the beginning of our engagement to discuss things in general, another was to have dinner an discuss things further in detail, once when we were supposed to go dress shopping for me, and just about 2 weeks ago to go dress shopping for her! Yes, that’s 4 times. Each time it was the day of that she canceled. With no excuse, just that she was sorry and she wasn’t able to make it. (Side note: she too is recently single, and is dating a new guy. She’s been acting like a 16 year old lately!)
My only advice is to lower your expectations of her. I thought mine were really low, but I’ve had to lower then significantly further. At this point, I don’t even know if I expect her to freaking show up to the wedding, let alone show any excitement or participate in pre-wedding experiences. That’s the the way it is, unfortunately.
The worst part is its obvious that it’s crushing my FI. I don’t care what she says about me or does to me. I don’t. I’m over it. I’m over her. But it kills me when he gets let down by his mom.
We’ve both had to lower our expectations at every turn. It’s sad. But it’s better to lower your expectations and not be let down, than to be continuously disappointed time and time again.
Hang in there. Family is tough! At least you and FI have each other.
Post # 9
@starz88962: Thanks missy! I come from a broken family. I am used to it. But my FI’s family was great. Until last fall. I feel terrible for him. He tries to be strong but I know it kills him. His mom used to be his best friend. I agree with you – say anything you want to me or about me, let me down time and time again. But when you mess with someone I love dearly with everything that I have – that is a whole dif story! 🙂
I wouldn’t be surprised if she cancelled on the wedding day. Because my FI told her her new bf is not welcome at the wedding. He will be missing his dad (it will be less than a year of his death) and doesn’t need to see another man that we don’t even know sitting there in place of him.