You don't just marry the groom…

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You aren’t the one coming between your SO and his brother. Your SO’s FSIL is. It was his brother’s decision to allow that to happen. If it was my brother and his SO did something like to my DH, even if I wasn’t already married, the damage would be done. I would never be able to look at him the same way.

Post # 3
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

If they are going to use one comment against you for the rest of your life then FORGET THEM. you can have a happy marriage as long as your husband backs you up 100 percent.  His family needs to love you because they love your husband, don’t ruin a wonderful relationship because his brothers/sisters aren’t on board. They will come around.  Time heals all wounds.

Post # 4
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sumshine.dawn:  I remember your old post. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. If FSIL and FBIL want to not invite you to their 400 person wedding, then it is *them*, not you, who are driving a wedge between your bf and his family.

Don’t leave your SO. He loves you and is sticking up for you.

Post # 5
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I read your previous post and it sounded like your FSIL got offended for no reason. It also seemed like your SO was being completely supportive of you. 

How do you get on with the rest of his family? Has something else happened?

Post # 6
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sumshine.dawn:  

It would be terrible if you left your SO because of his family. As long as he keeps being supportive of you, there is no reason for you to end your marriage over toxic in-laws.

Living far away from your in-laws helps immensely. Can you move at least an hour away from them?

I rarely see my husband’s family because they are an hour plane ride away. We love it because my MIL is cruel and jealous. My BIL is also very volatile. My husband sticks up for me when his mother insults me. We would never allow his family to lead us to divorce. 

Post # 9
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sumshine.dawn:  I think you should both go. If they question whether you’d be a problem, bf should give a “of course, why would she be?” type response. I totally agree that bf shouldn’t go without you. Your bf is doing all the right things.

I wonder if the joke you told was worse than you thought – or they misinterpreted it – but all you can do is apologise and move on.

Post # 11
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sumshine.dawn:  

Wow. That must be terrible.

Please rethink leaving your fiance. He sounds like a caring and supportive man. Be thankful that he wants to show a united front. Some Bees would kill for that! 

It would be wonderful to have a good relationship with your in-laws but sometimes that just doesn’t happen. Not all families are as close as yours, so I think you need manage your expectations. All married couples are tasked with figuring out where they fit into each other’s family of origin. My husband and I agree that his mother and his brother are not worth visiting, so we simply keep our distance and remain cordial. 

Enjoy your life with your man. You cannot allow the remarks of ignorant people to ruin any special times for you. It is easier said than done, yet learning to detach emotionally would help a great deal. 

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