you have met, got engaged and married and still no signs of a ring for me

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Because my DH and I dated for a long time, we had a lot of friends in this situation and to be honest, it didn’t really bother me.  Maybe a little?  But I feel like we moved at a pace that was about right for us.

I think seeing friends who started dating signifigantly after we did get engaged and married did help light a fire under DH’s booty though…so that’s good!  Maybe you can turn it into a positive?

Post # 4
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

It took Mr. D and I 7 1/2 years to make it down the aisle. This meant that there were quiet a few people that met, got engaged, and married by the time we got married. I just shrugged it off because I was willing to wait for Mr. D and if that is what it took for us to both feel comfortable getting married, then that is what it took. Would have I started putting some pressure on if we had hit 8 years? Probably not, but I would have a frank discussion on where the relationship was going. If he didn’t know, I probably would have walked at that point. But he knew it was towards marriage and kids, so I waited. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you see people accomplishing the things you want to accomplish, but just remember that all relationship are diffferent!

Post # 5
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@LilMonkey:  I’ve totally been on your side of the fence. By the time FI and I get married, we’ll have been together 8 years. Even though I’m engaged, I still roll my eyes sometimes at some people getting married younger/less years than FI and me because it was so hard on me during the “waiting” phase.

But, I totally support having many years behind you when getting married. I think it’s good to have that foundation. Just remember that your time will come!

Post # 6
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I totally get where you are coming from. When a friend of BFs and a girl he’d been dating less time than us got engaged, I was a little butthurt and vented to an engaged friend. I’ll tell you what she told me:

When you start feeling that way, stop and really examine what you know about their relationship, and ask yourself if you really *are* as envious as you think.

For me, couple #1 was made up of a doormat and a known cheater, couple #2 both had several failed marriages under their belts and couple #3 fought like cats and dogs 24/7 no matter who was around.

Doing that really helped me. I don’t feel we are “better” than any of those folks, but I’m definitely not so jealous of their engagements anymore 🙂

Post # 7
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I stopped comparing my relationship to others when couples we knew got together, engaged, married and divorced before we got engaged. 

Post # 8
446 posts
Helper bee

@LilMonkey:  I don’t know what it is about 2013, but this has literally been the year of engagenments. LITERALLY. I’ve known at least 15 people who gotten engaged. 6 of those couples are in my group of close friends. Except for one couple, all of them started dating their significant other a couple of years after I started dating mine (we’ve been together 6 years).

And yes, I have watched several people be single, meet someone, date, get engaged, and get married. Oh, and even a good handful of them have babies now… It’s all very depressing.

My SO told me that we will be engaged by the end of this year. I reached a point last month where I stopped caring, or focusing on getting engaged and started doing what I want with my time. If SO is a part of that, great. I don’t sit and dream anymore about whether or not this date/vacation/special time together will be that moment when he proposes. I just live in the moment itself. So, hopefully by Dec. 31, he will propose. If not, well, I’m going to seriously reevaluate my life and start making some choices that involve just me 😉

Post # 9
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

oh yes… that green eyed monster and me are just about best friends!! Yesterday I was talking to a friend who was married last year as well as one who is recently engaged. The engaged one said that me and my SO were next to get married -__- I was like aren’t you the engaged one? He probably meant well but that made the monster flair up!

Post # 10
56 posts
Worker bee

I know how you feel.  I know someone who started dating their husband after I started dating my boyfriend, and they’re already married and have a baby!  I think they went through dating, engaged, married, and had a baby in under a year.  I’m not jealous really, because that’s way too fast for me and I’m not ready for kids, but I would like some progress!

Post # 11
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

One of my coworkers met, got engaged, got married, had a baby and celebrated the baby’s first birthday before my fiance and I got engaged… and we got engaged a little over three years after we started dating. He was worth the wait, and I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes.


Post # 12
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@LilMonkey:  Yes, super aggravating. My SO’s cousin has met a woman, gotten engaged, and is marrying her in October. . . all in the last 2 or 3 years. We’ve been together for over 4 and though the wedding and kids talk is certainly more common in our house than it was 6 months ago, from all appearances engagement is not approaching soon. 

It does annoy me. I know how everyone says “different people have different timelines” and I understand that perfectly well but people meeting, getting engaged, and getting married in the time I’ve been with my SO without engagement is definitely jealousy-making. Blargh.

Although I am having fun daydreaming about what sort of wedding his cousin might be having (we got a save-the-date last winter, but invites haven’t come yet since the wedding is at the end of October) and looking for dresses to wear to it on Modcloth– haha!

Post # 13
85 posts
Worker bee

@LilMonkey:  I wouldn’t say infuriating, because I am totally happy for my friend and she deserves happiness!  But yeah it kind of feels like someone just cut me off in traffic, then I go to flip them off but realize its someone i really like.  So irritating, but yeah.  it def. gave me the wedding bug.  Also, this friend was still married as far as I knew…and we don’t talk for 6 mos and she posts that she is engaged…what!?

Post # 14
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@LilMonkey:  Where I am, people usually get engaged at 24 and above. A girl my age (we were 20 at that time) had already gotten engaged, and I was so envious I cried! A year on, she found out that her fiance was cheating on her & they called it quits. Another girl a year younger than me managed to sink her claws into a guy who was interested in me & they got married after 9 months by practically blackmailing him after he had sex with her. Eh, I wouldn’t want a guy like that anyway. Now that I’m just engaged, the whole rush & anxiety seems so pointless. It’s not some sort of race. We all just want to be happily married with Mr Right. =)

Give me a month or so & I’ll tell you about how frustrated I am with the long engagement (possibly 3 years!) & how jealous I am of those who are having their weddings soon. =P

Post # 15
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

@Macsgirl14:  that is a super perfect example 😀

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