(Closed) you ladies were so right……

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I remember your posts sending up a lot of red flags. We all fall in love with idiots at some point. Better to realize it sooner rather than later!

Post # 4
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am sorry dear… *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Impatiently waiting: Wait I reread your posts- I remember his outbursts. Im glad you came to this realization now instead of later *hugs* I hope you are doing ok.

Post # 8
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Impatiently waiting: Please dont wait around for him. Are you both sharing an appartment right now? Do you have finiancial funds of your own? I would highly suggest staying with a friend tonight so you can be objective about the situation- he will come back, apologize and the the cycle of this emotional control will continue- your posts outline how immature the man is, please dont waste your time any further. I think you deserve to be happy- with someone who has the emotional maturity of an adult, not a child.

 

Post # 9
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Impatiently waiting:

Wow, I’m sorry to hear this. I’ve been reading over your previous posts, and your boyfriend sounds exactly like my sisters. He though lives in another state. He’ll say something that hooks her, then if she wants a little affection, he turns the tables on her making her out to be some psycho daisy may. He says the same things to her, it makes my blood boil when men do this. You need to leave. Pack your bags and go somewhere, anywhere but there. He is emotionally breaking you. It just sounds like he wants you to be to the point that when he says “bark” you bark, and if he says jump you ask how high.

We’ve all fallen in love with someone who was not good for us at some point in our lives. I made the mistake, and I still get upset over my ill made plans. But I was in love, and nothing anyone could say or do would shake me from my fantasy of getting married until I found out he was cheating.

Post # 10
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

What a fucking dick. What’s his phone number? I will seriously call him and tell him he’s a fucking asshole on your behalf.

Post # 11
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What a douche. Please don’t waste any more time on him!

Post # 12
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Impatiently waiting:  Damn… all that over asking for hugs and kisses?  You deserve sooooo much better.. that doesn’t even make any freakin sense.  I vote to drop his sorry behind ASAP.  He has some issues and it’s not your job to try to fix them.  My ex was crazy like that, but he was a pathological liar and a serial cheater along with the mind control aspect.  We broke up like every other week.  It was soooo draining and wearing on me.  I didn’t realize until I finally told him to forget he knew my name exactly how much energy, time, and money I was wasting.  The burden that had been lifted was freakin amazing… and what’s even more amazing is that I started dating my FI about 3 weeks later. 

Don’t waste your time with this fool, please.  Life is too short and there’s far too many GOOD men who aren’t crazy out there that would love to have someone like you.  Good luck, sweetie.. you’re in my thoughts.

Post # 13
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Impatiently waiting:

Fuck him. No offense, but he’s a dick. You do NOT want to deal with that for the rest of your life. You will be emotionally destroyed. He will mess with your head more times than you can count. Get as far away from him as you can. It’s time to do for yourself. I don’t want to read that you went through the same as my mother with her husband. It’s almost killed her (he got worse as the marriage went on). So, please, do yourself a favor and move on. I know. It’s easier said than done sometimes.

Post # 14
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What a jerk! There’s nothing emotionally controlling about asking for some more affection from your partner! Figure out a financial plan and leave him….you deserve so much better!

Post # 15
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m really sorry that you are being treated this way. I read through some previous posts of yours, and it sounds like this guy has been mistreating you for a very long time. Do you have a strong support network of friends or family who can help you separate from him? I’m not sure if you live together or have combined finances, but having someone to help you figure that stuff out and move would be helpful (if thats what you decide to do).

I also just had to respond because I noticed that on one of the posts you identified that being with abusive guys was a pattern in your life. I have worked with victims of domestic violence, and also worked with men who use violence for years. It is common when a woman leaves an abusive relationship for her to end up in another one. However: this is not her fault. Men who use violence (including emotional) are very skilled manipulators, and are great at finding women who have low self esteems & are scared to speak up (all consequences of being abused in a previous relationship).

as a side note: abusive guys often come on heavy and fast, doing things like “Calling to check in” all the time and showing up unexpectedly with flowers- these things feel great to a woman who has been mistreated and controlled, but if its “too much” its often his way of gaining control. One man I worked with met, slept, and moved in with a woman in 48-hours by convincing her that they were soul mates.

anyway.

So I don’t agree that you “choose” abusive guys, I think that you probably don’t feel so great about yourself/don’t realize how wonderful you are and how well you deserve to be treated, because these guys have been in your life telling you awful (untrue) things.

ANyway. Sorry for butting in to your life, and making statements like that even though I don’t know you at all. I hope you have close friends or family that you can call on for help and if you decide to see someone for help with these issues- see someone to help you feel great about yourself. You deserve all the love and affection that you put out in the world, and you deserve to be treated with respect.

Post # 16
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@elivt: OMG! Everything you said reminds me of well…. me! I was too with the similar a-hole like Ms. Foxxy. Terrible thing he was.

Your bf sounds the same as my jerk ex. He would do the same things to me. I have been in the EXACT situation as you too. Can you even imagine the odds of that happening to two of us? I doubt it was the same idiot who you are currently with, but an idiot of the same breed nonetheless.

After I met my now FI (we met as friends when I was still with the loser and had ZERO plans of ever dating each other. Let alone get married!) So anyway, after I met my FI back in the day, that is when I realized “hey, wait a minute! There are good men out there. I don’t have to deal with this moron! I don’t care if I am almost 30 and the likelihood of starting a new relationship from scratch seems too daunting, but I much rather start it with a good man instead of this horrible thing!”

I think you need this ‘aha’ moment. 

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