Post # 1
I will admit, I used to be fairly overweight. All through high school I was the fat girl. i carried it around for years and years and then a few years ago, I finally did something about it and I got my health under control. Nowadays I am fit and healthy and doing great.
I ran into someone I haven’t seen in a while and the first words (maybe second, after hi) were “you look good!”
I’m sorry, I know this phrase is intended nicely but all that comes through on my end is “congratulations on not being fat anymore” And quite frankly, I find it insulting! It makes me feel like they didn’t think I was “good” before and somehow, my weight loss has influenced how they feel about me. Owch!
Maybe it shouldn’t insult me, maybe I should just appreciate it, but I don’t really think so. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me when people talk about the weight loss. I’m happy to have a frank and honest opinion about that. But thredound about way of implying that I’m some how a better person now, I don’t like it.
I like me, and I’m proud of me for coming this far but I don’t ever want to condemn myself for the person that I was.. It’s an old part of me but she was still me, and it’s still hurtful when people talk that way!
what do the others bees think?
Post # 3
I’m sorry, hon. I think it’s just a natural reaction from people–not that you weren’t good before, but that you’ve made a change for the better and people are noticing. I’m definitely guilty of this with my bff/MOH. She’s lost 130lbs+ over the past three years through diet and exercise and my first response after seeing her for the first time in a while was that she looked amazing. Not that she wasn’t amazing before, but that I noticed her hard work and dedication.
Post # 4
@lalalyanne: I have been thin/fit my entire life…yet people I have not seen in a long time still say this to me too. I think it’s just a polite thing people say in this sort of situation.
Honestly I think you’re reading into this.
Post # 5
I’ve never said this and thought, god you were so fat before and now you actually look nice, or anything like that. I think the intent is to compliment you on your hard work, not to make a point of what you used to look like to now, or to say anything about who you were as a person. You should be proud of the work you’ve done to change your life, and don’t be surprised when other’s are proud of you to!
Post # 6
I dont think you should feel insulted by the comment. You should feel proud because yor hard work and effort paid off! It’s not meant to say that you didn’t look good before but that they can tell you’ve been working hard. It’s either that or they say nothing at all and wouldn’t you say you look better than you did before? Not that you’re more beautiful now, but you’re more healthy and people can see that by more than just your physical size.
Post # 7
Please don’t take this as a harsh comment but maybe you are overthinking what is almost certainly an honest compliment that was well meant.
Saying that you look good now doesn’t have to be a reflection on you not looking as good back in the past. You’ve clearly come a long way and should be proud of your achievements so revel in the compliments you get. You don’t need to look for underlying meanings behind well intentioned remarks.
Post # 8
i agree with pps – they are commenting that you look good when they see you – that could have nothing to do with your former weight.
if someone says ‘you look great!’ to me – i don’t think it means i didn’t look great before…i honestly don’t think that’s the way it’s intended.
Post # 9
While I may be overanalyzing, I’m not imagining. I know what they’re talking about. People in their 20 something’s don’t tend to tell their friends they “look good” when they haven’t seen them in a while.. It’s not a “oh hey you look good you’re aging we’ll” type comment. I’m not a moron, and I did lose a ton of weight, I understand why they say it and that their intentions are good, I do.
I guess I was just explaining how it feels on the other end, how sometimes well intentioned things come across wrong. It’s been so many years since I did all the work, sometimes I wish it wasn’t such a huge part of what People thought of me.
No one is bad for saying it, and I am proud of myself. Sometimes I just wish it could rest though, that people would appreciate the rest of me! I am more than “looking good”, I’m doing a lot of other things with my life but “you look good” always has to be the topic. I’m not crazy, it’s really what they’re talking about, and I appreciate the well intended compliments but I just had to vent a bit about how it makes a girl feel once on a while.
Post # 11
@lalalyanne: Your first statement was that you got your health under control. I take this to mean that you believed you were unhealthy.
What’s wrong with someone commending you for getting yourself healthy?
Post # 12
OP, please don’t try to make a compliment into an insult.
Post # 13
@lalalyanne: I completely understand what you’re saying. I’ve yo-yo’d for the past 10 years and when I’m down on the scale and people say I look good it just reminds me that I don’t always look good. I actually hate it. I am not mad at them, they have the best of intentions, but to me you might as well say “wow you look so much better when you’re not fat!!”
Post # 14
@lalalyanne: Again, I am IN my 20s, been one of the fittest and thinnest in the bunch my whole life — and people really do say this to me when we havent seen eachother in a while. I say it too. Of course theres a TON more to you than how you look — but a person can’t see or know about any of then withing the first few minutes of seeing you after having not seein you for a long time.
Could it be that this is your OWN critique of yourself and you’re being sensitive to this because you see it as potential confirmation by others of what you fear, or what you are angry at yourself for doing? Meaning, in all truth, were you not happy about how you looked back then, and now believe you look better, but wish you could have just been satisfied and happy w/ yourself the way you were and would rather believe you never had a problem with yourself back then?
It sounds like you accomplished a really great thing, and now you truly do feel and look better than before. Regardless whether this thoguht actually crosses the minds of others, I think you should focus on the now and how happy you are with yourself. There are things in my own life I am not thrilled with and have worked hard to change or improve, and I too can get sensitive when I PERCIEVE someone else to be hitting on one of those issues. But thats just it — its my perception, and I can choose whether to believe it or not. I find I am always happier when I choose not to believe the negative perceptions….you should too.
Post # 15
@lalalyanne: I have struggled with weigh issues most of my life. I go up and down the scale. I don’t generaly take offense to “you look good”. I don’t think this person meant anything mean when they said that. I think they probably just meant that you look good, and summarizing what they see thier mind as to what kind of changes you made. If I see someone who has taken off a lot of weight, I would probably say something very similiar. Try not to take it as any thing other than a compliment. Losing weight is a big deal! Congratulations on making a lifestyle change.
Post # 16
I think it really is a compliment – but I totally know what you’re saying. my dad has this delightful habit of telling me how much better I’ve gotten at things like driving, skiing, swimming, etc by comparing it to how bad I used to be… I know I should be happy he’s giving me a compliment, but it just makes me think that all the compliments he gave me before were fake and makes me wary of anything he says.