You RSVP as a couple but bring someone else due to etc…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: You would be more angry if
    Guests RSVP'd their plus ones/significant others and came without them (NO SHOW) : (7 votes)
    6 %
    Guests brought random person you didn't know to take the place of missing invited SO : (40 votes)
    34 %
    Guests RSVPd their plus ones but their SO couldn't make it so BOTH decided to stay home (2 No Shows) : (70 votes)
    60 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I would never do this. The invitation was for myself and my fiance, not for myself and any old person I can find to go with me. Invitations are non-transferable.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5460 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If DH & I were both invited to a wedding by name, and something came up that one of us couldn’t make it, then I would do my best to notify the couple as soon as possible so they can alter their final catering numbers.  I wouldn’t bring a ‘stand-in’ or whatever.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would only do this if I asked the B&G, and I would probably only replace that person with someone who KNEW the B&G. I think its in really poor taste to show up to anyone’s wedding with an uninvited guest.

    Also most places only require a final head count up to a week in advance, so there’s usually plenty of time for them to change their head count.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MoonlitMagnolia:  +1

    No way – I would never do this. I would rather have the money wasted than one of my guests bring a random person with them.

    Post # 8
    Member
    636 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve been in that situation as a guest this past summer. My FI couldn’t go (had to work) and we gave the bride 1 week’s notice that it would just be me attending. She said she had some other people she wanted to invite so she asked someone else to take my FI’s spot. I think this is a much better option than the guest bringing a random friend. I think it’s best to call the bride/groom and ask them what they prefer. Some people will be ok with bringing a random friend, some people won’t.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6964 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @elliptical2013:  I would ask the bride and/or groom what they wanted me to do. If it’s the day before and it’s a big wedding- yeah, I might bring someone so they don’t waste the meal they’ve already had to pay for. But if it’s a small, intimate wedding they probably don’t want me bringing some random.

    Post # 11
    Member
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Talk to the bride!  Tell her what the issue is.  She may say “heck, bring whoever you would like!” or she may say “Oh, that is too bad.  I could actually use that last-minute space for someone..”

    It’s happening to me right now, and I am using up all of that last-minute spaces for bosses and co-workers that I wish I could have invited to begin with! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I would let the bride and groom know that DH can’t attend and see what they say.  If they offer for me to bring someone else, I would consider it, but unless I didn’t know anyone attending except the bride and groom, I would likely attend by myself. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2675 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    Depending on the person who invited me I might ask them. If I wasn’t going to know anyone else at the wedding or very few people I might bring a friend. If I was going to know a lot of other people there anyway, then I probably would not.

    We did this kind of for a close friends wedding, she invited my parents and brother. At the last minute my brother could not make it and we brought my cousin – though to be fair my cousin knows my friend probably better than my brother. My friend was fine with it and was actually happy to have my cousin there given the circumstances.

    For my wedding personally, I would hope not to many people would do this but if they RSVP’d 2 people and 2 people show up on the day…I probably won’t care if they made a last minute subsitution. I would be much more upset by someone brining someone when they did NOT RSVP for that many people.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would notify the B or G before bringing a substitute guest. The B or G may have someone else in mind they can now invite last minute that otherwise they couldn’t accomodate because you and your SO were invited/ RSVP’d. I would give them the opportunity to fill the seat first.

    Post # 15
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    It depends on the invite.

    If the invite was to you and SO, then you show up alone.

    If the invite to you and GUEST, then you can technically bring whoever you want.

    But if your SO can’t make it after the RSVP deadline, you should really call the host and let them know. They might have a someone on their B-list dying to be able to attend!

    Post # 16
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @elliptical2013:  I would just let the bride and groom know as soon as possible. I would go alone, unless they suggested otherwise. If I was having a large wedding, and someone’s husband couldn’t come at the last minute, it would be fine with me if the friend brought her sister or something. This would only really apply in a large wedding, for me, though. People curate guest lists for small weddings very carefully, and I wouldn’t mess with that. 

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