"You should date at least 2-4 years before marriage"

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

thenewmrsmax:  I don’t see how that is reflected towards you. It’s a reflection on her own relationship. Did she tag you or your fh in the quote? If no, theb you need to forget about it. 

 

I agree that she sounds a bit braggy, but nothing to take offense to.

Post # 3
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

thenewmrsmax:  that is so rude and annoying! It sounds like she’s jealous she’s not engaged yet and is finding ways to soothe herself by degrading your relationship. And you are right about the college statistics 😉

the way to get over this is compassion. She’s hurting, she wants what you have, poor her. A nod and a smile, a pat on the head there, there is the stance you take. Don’t be riled. 

Post # 4
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

thenewmrsmax:  She isn’t in your relationship so she shouldn’t judge. If you’re happy then that’s great! Are you sure she posted that to take a dig at you though? I have been seeing that post on FB a lot lately as well but I think the people that have posted it have posted it really just because they have been in their relationship that long. I’ve been with FI for 3 years but haven’t posted that post because I don’t believe love has a time frame or age. 

Post # 5
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There are people who are together for 10 years and their marriages dont even last for a year. No one has a formula for marriage all we can do is try our best in our relationships. Don’t take it personal!

Post # 6
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

And if she ever said anything in person… Id just say…” Well FSIL sorry you don’t support our union, because we’re pretty freaking excited about it! Every party has a pooper and that’s why we invited you.”

and everyone will laugh and she’ll feel dumb. Don’t take the bait! 

Post # 7
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

It sounds to me that she’s trying to justify to herself (and maybe others) why she’s not engaged yet. I don’t think it’s a dig at you, but maybe she’s a bit jealous that you’re engaged after a year and she’s been with her boyfriend for three and not engaged yet. It sounds like she’s trying tell others “I’m not engaged yet, but people together for longer are less likely to divorce, and I haven’t even hit the four years yet so I have time!”

I wouldn’t take it too personally, I wouldn’t reply or even mention it. No one is going to read it and think “thenewmrsmax’s relationship isn’t going to last because of this quote!”

Post # 8
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

That’s annoying. If I saw someone post that I’d think they were weird and roll my eyes at them. I feel like it’s something a younger person would write to try to justify their relationship.

Post # 9
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

 

thenewmrsmax:  if she didn’t tag or direct it at you then stop assuming it’s about you. Not everything is about you. Maybe she genuinely believes that. And if she does, that’s her right. Lucky for you she doesn’t make the rules for anyone but herself. do what you feel is right for you and your relationship and stop worrying so much about what she thinks or posts on fb.

Post # 10
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

While I think it isnt the nicest thing to post on FB, I doubt it was a personal attack. There are statistical senarios where divorce is less likely. Age, education level, socioeconomic status, whether or not your parents divorced etc. (Which is why people saying 50% of all marriages end in divorce is bullshit. First of all, its 43%, second, stats are not relevent to individuals) 

I diagree with PP that she is trying to justify not being engaged yet… I personaly didn’t want to be engaged at a year or even almost 2 years. It did seem too soon for me, but we are also in our early 20s. It all depends on the relationship 

Post # 11
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t see how this is about you, it seems like she’s commenting on her own relationship.  While the bragging might be annoying, I think you just have to let this one go.

Post # 12
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Either you are reading into this too far, or she is so passive aggressive that her [possible] marriage will likely never work out.  You also should not allow yourself to be so sensitive to whatever she’s doing, because it has no real impact on the state of your relationship.  Rise above her silly tactics and move on.

Post # 13
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

I also think you’re reading too much into it. Maybe she is talking about you and maybe she isn’t. 

Post # 14
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Shes an idiot for posting that and saying “at least ours will last…” LOL.

FB is so retarded.  Jeezis. Yes every study done, every thing you read and everything politicians say is fact….c’mon this chick is ridiculous and probably like a very young 20 something i am guessing….using social media to express and define who you are as a person is freakin stupid.  Reality is what counts…secretly she hates waiting as long as she has to get married…and this is her way of psuedo publicly justifying it and making herself feel validated.  IGNORE HER.  Better yet, ditch FB.  Real friends and fam will call you, not “post” you.

thenewmrsmax:  

Post # 15
Member
5286 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Why would you need to shoot back?  Why would you even let that bother you?  If I were you I would focus in my relationship, period.  Other people views are just that, their opinion.  Some people want to share their opinion with the world, like your FSIL, some others don’t.  

FWIW, I dated for less than a year with DH and we’ve been together for 24 years; I’ve met couples that dated for 5+ years and ended in divorce.  Marriage happiness and longevity is not an exact science, but it takes at least 2 things in addition to love IMO: 1.  that both share the same values, which you don’t need necessarily years to figure out, you just need to pay attention to the signs early in the relationship (doesn’t mean you must agree on everything, DH and I don’t agree in a lot of things, but are aligned in areas like fidelity, prioritizing our relationship and our children, how to raise our children, how to manage our finances, etc); 2. that both are willing to work hard to remain in love, which is waaay easier said than done.

My advise: focus on what is important and forget about the rest.

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