Post # 1
My FSIL has a photo on Facebook with the quote “It takes 2-4 years before you can completely know someone. Couples who wait at least this long are less likely to divorce.”
She also has a comment that says “So glad BF and I have been together for three years. I know that when we get married, it will last.”
I feel like its a dig at us. My FH and I dated just over a year before we got engaged. She tries to compete with me/our relationship a lot. She even started reading books about the foundation of strong marriages right after our proposal (which is great! I hope she has a very strong marriage, and I like her BF.) When it comes to the catty comments, we ignore it. Bragging about how her BF got her bigger diamond earrings than FH got me is easy to let go (it’s just jewelry!) However, this very public dig (that his entire family can see) kind of upsets me.
I know she didn’t say “their marriage isn’t strong” or “they’re going to get divorced” but she implied it, and it hurts my feelings.
If I could shoot back without being a bitch, I would throw out the stat that says college graduates have a lower instance of divorce and tell her to hit the books, but I can’t be mean to her. If she ever said anything in front of us, I would probably rebuttle with “quality over quantity” or “people who have been together for 50 years still get divorced. There is no time requirement that ensures success.”
Right now, I’m pissed, annoyed, and hurt. I am also even more glad I didn’t ask her to be a BM.
Post # 2
thenewmrsmax: I don’t see how that is reflected towards you. It’s a reflection on her own relationship. Did she tag you or your fh in the quote? If no, theb you need to forget about it.
I agree that she sounds a bit braggy, but nothing to take offense to.
Post # 3
thenewmrsmax: that is so rude and annoying! It sounds like she’s jealous she’s not engaged yet and is finding ways to soothe herself by degrading your relationship. And you are right about the college statistics 😉
the way to get over this is compassion. She’s hurting, she wants what you have, poor her. A nod and a smile, a pat on the head there, there is the stance you take. Don’t be riled.
Post # 4
thenewmrsmax: She isn’t in your relationship so she shouldn’t judge. If you’re happy then that’s great! Are you sure she posted that to take a dig at you though? I have been seeing that post on FB a lot lately as well but I think the people that have posted it have posted it really just because they have been in their relationship that long. I’ve been with FI for 3 years but haven’t posted that post because I don’t believe love has a time frame or age.
Post # 5
There are people who are together for 10 years and their marriages dont even last for a year. No one has a formula for marriage all we can do is try our best in our relationships. Don’t take it personal!
Post # 6
And if she ever said anything in person… Id just say…” Well FSIL sorry you don’t support our union, because we’re pretty freaking excited about it! Every party has a pooper and that’s why we invited you.”
and everyone will laugh and she’ll feel dumb. Don’t take the bait!
Post # 7
It sounds to me that she’s trying to justify to herself (and maybe others) why she’s not engaged yet. I don’t think it’s a dig at you, but maybe she’s a bit jealous that you’re engaged after a year and she’s been with her boyfriend for three and not engaged yet. It sounds like she’s trying tell others “I’m not engaged yet, but people together for longer are less likely to divorce, and I haven’t even hit the four years yet so I have time!”
I wouldn’t take it too personally, I wouldn’t reply or even mention it. No one is going to read it and think “thenewmrsmax’s relationship isn’t going to last because of this quote!”
Post # 8
That’s annoying. If I saw someone post that I’d think they were weird and roll my eyes at them. I feel like it’s something a younger person would write to try to justify their relationship.
Post # 9
thenewmrsmax: if she didn’t tag or direct it at you then stop assuming it’s about you. Not everything is about you. Maybe she genuinely believes that. And if she does, that’s her right. Lucky for you she doesn’t make the rules for anyone but herself. do what you feel is right for you and your relationship and stop worrying so much about what she thinks or posts on fb.
Post # 10
While I think it isnt the nicest thing to post on FB, I doubt it was a personal attack. There are statistical senarios where divorce is less likely. Age, education level, socioeconomic status, whether or not your parents divorced etc. (Which is why people saying 50% of all marriages end in divorce is bullshit. First of all, its 43%, second, stats are not relevent to individuals)
I diagree with PP that she is trying to justify not being engaged yet… I personaly didn’t want to be engaged at a year or even almost 2 years. It did seem too soon for me, but we are also in our early 20s. It all depends on the relationship
Post # 11
I don’t see how this is about you, it seems like she’s commenting on her own relationship. While the bragging might be annoying, I think you just have to let this one go.
Post # 12
Either you are reading into this too far, or she is so passive aggressive that her [possible] marriage will likely never work out. You also should not allow yourself to be so sensitive to whatever she’s doing, because it has no real impact on the state of your relationship. Rise above her silly tactics and move on.
Post # 13
I also think you’re reading too much into it. Maybe she is talking about you and maybe she isn’t.
Post # 14
Shes an idiot for posting that and saying “at least ours will last…” LOL.
FB is so retarded. Jeezis. Yes every study done, every thing you read and everything politicians say is fact….c’mon this chick is ridiculous and probably like a very young 20 something i am guessing….using social media to express and define who you are as a person is freakin stupid. Reality is what counts…secretly she hates waiting as long as she has to get married…and this is her way of psuedo publicly justifying it and making herself feel validated. IGNORE HER. Better yet, ditch FB. Real friends and fam will call you, not “post” you.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Why would you need to shoot back? Why would you even let that bother you? If I were you I would focus in my relationship, period. Other people views are just that, their opinion. Some people want to share their opinion with the world, like your FSIL, some others don’t.
FWIW, I dated for less than a year with DH and we’ve been together for 24 years; I’ve met couples that dated for 5+ years and ended in divorce. Marriage happiness and longevity is not an exact science, but it takes at least 2 things in addition to love IMO: 1. that both share the same values, which you don’t need necessarily years to figure out, you just need to pay attention to the signs early in the relationship (doesn’t mean you must agree on everything, DH and I don’t agree in a lot of things, but are aligned in areas like fidelity, prioritizing our relationship and our children, how to raise our children, how to manage our finances, etc); 2. that both are willing to work hard to remain in love, which is waaay easier said than done.
My advise: focus on what is important and forget about the rest.