Post # 1
Alright Bees who have separate finances. Here’s the deal. My sister is accusing me of concealing financial information from my husband. I say that if he can live all his life not knowing what Michael Kors is, he will be fine.
We both work and I bring home about 3K per month. We split all expenses and save some money. At the end or beginning of every other month, I put aside some 300 dollars for things that I need. Shoes, clothes, personal use items such as shampoo etc, etc. Recently, my husband saw one of my Macys receipts and he’s like….. you spent 180 dollars on a wallet? He wasn’t upset or anything but he could not believe that people would buy such frivolous things, which I understand but I work hard for my money.
Anyways, my sister says that I should always tell him, “Honey, I’m buying a 200 dollar pair of shoes.” etc. I say that if you are doing your part in the house and saving for both of you, and can still put aside a little bit of money for such splurges, you don’t have to ask for permission.
What do you guys think?
Post # 3
@amoret11: I think as long as your finances are split according to how you agree, then it’s your business how you spend your fun money.
My SO doesn’t care if I spend all my monthly fun money on a Coach bag or on 10 different items of clothing.. as long as I don’t go over budget.
Post # 4
@amoret11: I think it comes down to the couple. It seems like you’re both fine managing your own finances (i.e. you’re not spending the mortgage money on shoes), so I don’t see a problem with spending your “fun money” the way you see fit. My FI and I have completely combined finances, so we always let the other one know if we need to make a larger purchase, however, if it’s “fun money” my FI spends it as he sees fit (I don’t work), which is usually a pair of shoes for me lol.
Post # 5
It’s only okay in my opinion if he knows you’re putting aside $300 a month for yourself and you’re both okay with it. Otherwise, it sounds shady.
Post # 6
I think as long as you & your husband are on the same page, then everything is fine. Does he want to know what you spend and what you bought? Do you want to know the same from him? As long as the bills are being paid, money is going into savings, etc then I see nothing wrong with treating yourself to something that you want.
FI and I have separate finances and probably will continue that after marriage. We are mostly honest about what we spend on personal items. Every now and then I’ll get something that I don’t really want to fess up about (the price) and he’ll do the same. But we don’t get upset about it, so it’s fine. He understands that I like shoes/clothes and I understand that he likes videogames. He may not get how I can spend $150 on a pair of boots, but then I don’t see why a videogame needs to be $65.
Post # 7
@amoret11: Uhhhh…no….as long as the light comes on when I open the fridge and there’s food inside of it, what I spend MY money on couldn’t be less interesting to Mr. 99…he honestly doesn’t care…I whats even better is that I don’t care what he does with his…we pay our bills and put some away and the rest is free for all, I got rubber pants, let’s pick up some seltzer and hit the clown convention fun money….
Post # 8
Well I can speak from the other side of this. My FI and I put almost all of our money together and keep about 20-30% of our paychecks for personal use. FI makes about 60% more than I do, so he has a lot more money to spend on luxury items. The other day a bunch of boxes arrived and he just smiled at me and said he ordered a new exhaust system for his car. It cost him $1000. I was shocked that he spent that much money, but couldn’t get mad because it is his money to spend how he sees fit. I think your situation is the same. It is your money, so you get to decide how to spend it. You also have no obligation to tell him how you spend that money as long as it is your money.
Post # 9
@Cory_loves_this_girl: Yes, he knows that I save that money for me and I don’t usually put it aside every month, just every other month and we’ve also used that money for things like camping gear, etc.
Post # 10
Eh, I think that if you cover your part of the bills, are saving something, buy as many $180 wallets as you want!
Post # 11
If you both agreed on how to split the money, then it’s fine. And honestly, your sister has no right to butt into your finances or how you spend money, regardless of how your situation is set up; it’s rude.
Post # 12
Your money is your money, if that’s what you’ve agreed on. But….
FWIW, I can’t believe you spent $180 on a wallet, either. I have a nice leather one from Marshalls that has lasted 4 years and still going strong…for $25. I really believe some things that are more expensive last longer (I buy more expensive shoes, since I don’t drive and walk everywhere, and I buy nicer sweaters etc that I take care of that last many times longer than cheaper H&M stuff). But I think wallets and purses are grossly overpriced. My $25 H&M purse has lasted 2 years without much visible wear. Am I really going to carry a $250 Coach purse for 20 straight years without it breaking, or without getting bored of it to make up for the extra cost?
Post # 13
Would he feel differently if you had spent $180 on cute shoes, a flowy blouse, and a pair of sunglasses? It seems like he might have more of an issue with spending that amount of money for one single item rather than just the money in general.
My husband doesn’t care if I spend my fun money on 5 items or 1 item. It’s my fun money and I get to do what I want with it. Of course, this is after we pay household bills, individual bills, and add to our savings.
And while your sister is entitled to her opinion, you should do what works for you and your husband.
p.s. I’m dying to see this wallet! Pics??
Post # 14
I say let him know.
My FI and I both discuss our “irrational” buying desires and come to agreements. That means we both get to spend “way too much” on certain items and not feel guilty about them or have to hide anything about them. It also means we are able to budget better because no key info is missing. And, it actually does help us both from sometimes making bad buying decisions. Sometimes one of us points out a flaw in the item that the other really did not see before, but is glad to realize before buying!
Finally, it makes each of us know better what luxury items the other might like as gifts. It’s always nice to give your partner something they don’t need, but you know they really, really like! Oh, and it’s not bad receiving such gifts either. 🙂
BTW, it’s totally not about asking permission. It’s about respecting each others’ “irrational” quirks. Don’t tell me he doesn’t want to spend some outrageous sum on an enormous TV, the very latest smartphone, or whatever it is, that you could very easily live without. And the key thing is that both of you can spend on those things, because you agree you have room in the budget for luxuries, and you respect each others’ rights to decide what luxuries he/she truly would like.
Post # 15
If you agree to keeping seperate finances, both contribute and are doing well with bills, then it is my opinion that you can spend your money on whatever you please when it comes to extra.
I mean, sure, I could go get a purse from wal mart for like 5 bucks…and had one when I was younger that lasted a long time – but when I bought my Fossil bags which were much more expensive :/ I didn’t bat an eye about it. I saved and worked for them, and I love having them. If you feel it was worth it and are doing well in all other aspects…then it was worth it.
Post # 16
I think you have every right to do what you want with the little extra cash you have..