Post # 1
So my SO and I were out the other day shopping for nothing in particular when we went into a computer shop and he starts going… Oh I want a new laptop…oh I want a new Playstation etc… I was laughing along at all the things he wanted, looking at me with this puppy dog face and all I could think was well all I want is A DAMN RING!!
After his third or fourth cry of “I want…” I said in the most casual way I could “…well you know if you really want all that stuff we could compromise and you get me a ring…” and he said “yeah because the £1400 worth of stuff I want is a fair swap for a £4000 ring”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing… he’s got it in his head that he should spend £4K on a ring?!!!…. I tried to hide the shock and said -still jokingly- Oh well I’ll be waiting a hell of a long time then!
Don’t get me wrong thats a lovely thought and no girl is gonna ever say “Jez you spent too much on me this time!” but I’d be nervous about wearing something so expensive (losing it mainly) and the other thing is I seriously don’t know how he’s ever going to have that sort of money spare to spend on a ring without saving for a good couple of years. and as we waiting bees all know waiting another day is killing enough!
Following that talk we we out last night having a “date night” which mainly consist of us having dinner and getting a bit pissed together- its so much fun and I have to say the only time my SO talks more verbally about our future is when he’s had a few drinks… last night was no exception and we were talking about anything and everything when we started talking about losing weight… neither of us are overweight but could do with toning up.
He said “yeah if we got married I’d like to really try and lose a bit of weight” and I agreed and said “yeah me too, but I know I won’t have to worry about that for a long time yet” and he said “well you never know it could be closer than you think”
As much as I wanted to I couldn’t bring myself to probe him futher so I just played along and rolled my eyes saying “yeah, right!” but it’s got me thinking, could he really be trying to throw me off track by making me think its the furthest thing from his mind?- You know a bit like Chandler does to Monica in Friends??
Did any of your Mr.Bees do this to you? … what did he say or do to throw you off track? I didn’t think he’d have it in him to be so smart about pretending a propsal is way off but now I’m not so sure!
Post # 3
We were looking for rings, he’d shown me a ton online (we were long distance for a few months, while he was in school)… he kept saying he wanted one that was “me” & hadn’t found it yet. So on our 6 month dating anniversary/my birthday he was taking me on a birthday surprise road trip (to one of our favorite band’s concert). He said there’s a big mall there, we could maybe look at rings since they’ll have a big selection. Hahah he already had the ring & wanted to completely surprise me. I had no idea he was proposing… mostly because I didn’t think he had a ring yet.
Post # 4
My Fi totally caught me off guard! We had gone looking for rings one night and both really liked a particular style. Well in the next few weeks, he kept saying things about how we should go look again and check out a few more stores. But he never took me again and it drove me crazy! I just sorta gave up asking to go looking again, figuring we would go eventually, or if not, that he would propose with something similar to what we liked within the next several months (though I was secretly hoping sooner). Well, sure enough, about a month or so after we had gone shopping he proposed! Definitely NOT expected. He had bought the ring a week or so after we had gone shopping and kept mentioning taking me shopping again so that I would think he hadn’t decided on a ring yet. He then told me he didn’t want to actually take me in case I found something I liked better! Haha…sneaky guy…and I had no idea!
Post # 5
Ha i dont think he could lie or hide it from me – we tell each other EVERYTHING. and he keeps talking about it so i know he’s not holding back.
but i just wanted to comment on the $ portion of your post, becuase i am kind of in the same situation. I know he has spoken to my future MOH about the ring (which he has not yet purchased) and she has made a few comments to me about how i wouldn’t want to know what he’s spending because it’s more than i’d want him to spend on a piece of jewelry. And at first i was a bit upset about it and felt like you do (what if i lose it?!). then i thought about it and realized it is a matter of pride or something to him, and this is something he wants to do. I mean, i know we’re not talking crazy off-the-wall numbers, just that he knows i’d be happy with a piece of string on my finger and that wouldn’t be enough for him so he’s spending more.
It sounds like he’s got it all figured out, so in your case, i wouldn’t worry about it either. Obviously you can let him know it is unnecessary if you haven’t already, but i would let him take the lead, since it sounds like he has some ideas!
Post # 6
I think you could find ways to hint to him that you don’t necessarily need a 4000 ring. Maybe do some ring researching your self see what you like and price range. That is unless your ok with the price, and wouldn’t mind the wait until he can afford it.
That said I thought it was too funny your Bf talks freely about the future when he drinks so does mine. I think its cute, he just loses inhibitions.
Try not to think about it too much and welcome to Waiting.
Post # 7
I would just flat out tell him: marrying you sooner is worth more to me than an expensive ring. Maybe he thinks you expect a ring that big or would be unhappy without it?
I think sometimes guys are a bit dense. When I was dating FI, before we were seriously talking about getting married but we were just starting to joke about it… FI would ALWAYS make comments like: anything under 2 cts isn’t even worth looking at, etc. And I was always like UMMMM do you know how much that costs?!? haha. I flat out told him that when the time came I wanted him to buy a ring that he could AFFORD and I absolutely did not want him going into debt over a ring or having us paying off my ring into our marriage.
When the time came I think he came to a fair compromise of his desire to gift me big bling and my desire to not be in debt: he figured out what he’d be able to afford within 6 months and he bought my ring by putting 1/2 down and paying off the other 1/2 with 6 mo 0% financing. So, he paid it off before we really started seriously saving for the wedding (longer engagement) and didn’t pay any interest on it, and he still got a ring that he feels proud to have me show off (1ct by the way, not 2. he had no idea that 2ct rings cost like 25k+. silly boys.)
Post # 8
Oh yes: 1) He made a fake budget to show me; We went to a store to “look at desgins,” when he already had our ring. He was pretty sneaky.
Post # 9
Thanks for your thoughts Bees, its good to hear what others think and have been through during this waiting game!
Picturemuers- Glad I’m not the only one who’s man pipes up when he’s had a drink. I agree that he’s just relaxed a bit and really can feel like he can say what he wants- Ironically I handle wedding talk a lot more when we’ve both had a drink too!…
esqbee- I feel exactly the same about the fact that he could put a bit of string round my finger and propose and I’d be just as happy!… I’ve let him know in past wedding talks that its so not about the ring or the dress but I know I’d be the happiest proudest woman alive to call him my husband and to be his wife and I really don’t mind spending the smallest amount on a wedding. However he says its is about the wedding too and he would want to do it all properly and to the max that we were able to afford so I guess I just have to go with that. Although having said that I’d refuse to get into rediculous debt and if/when the wedding plans can start then I will speak up if we go over budget. Whatever that may be!