So I spent this weekend at a mock trial tournament in DC. We did well but didn't progress to the next round so our captain declared this as a night of celebration. Cool, no problem. We went out to dinner, drank, were merry.
Now I have no problem with drinking. I had several glasses of some really yummy wine at dinner, I laughed, I talked, I soscialized with my team and other competitors. But I was also exhausted. Oh my god I was so sleepy. I don't think I've ever been so tired. It was after midnight when we got back. We'd been up since before 7 am. My roommate snores so I hadn't been sleeping well. We'd been practicing the case for three days, I had been on my feet in heels for a good portion of the trial it was freezing cold outside and since we hadn't gotten a chance to do any sightseeing and I hadn't been to DC since I was in 5th grade, I wanted to go to bed and get up early the next morning to go into the city.
So when captain announced we'd only come back to change clothes and were going back out into the freezing cold to party more, that sounded like the worst idea in the world to me. I told him I was about to fall dead on my feet from tired but they should go ahead and I'd love to hear all about the funny stuff that happened tomorrow.
And that's when they all lost their friggin minds.
"WHAT??? YOU CAN'T GO TO BED!!! WHY WON'T YOU COME WITH US? WE WON'T GO WITHOUT YOU!!!" They acted like I just told them I didn't want the golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I assured them 'guys I'm just about dead here, y'all go have fun I just really need some sleep. "NOOOOO OMG WHY??"
Now I've been hassled before for not wanting to stay out super late (again, no problem with partying, I'm just a girlw ho likes her sleep) but these guys took it to a new level. They proceeded to grab me and drag me out of bed, throw clothes at me, then one of the guys literally pushed me out of the room and they shut the door so I couldn't get back in and hid the room key. Then they dragged me down to the hotel bar, telling me they wanted to go out but "since they wouldn't go without me I was ruining that for them" ordered Irish Car Bombs and tried to wheedle me to do shots with them. I was so tired I was falling asleep in my chair and they'd shake me and get in my face and say "why aren't you drinking why aren't you drinking OMG ARE YOU AMISH OR SOMETHING???" One of them actually was getting mad. "You don't want to hang out with us? You don't like us?" I kept trying to say no that wasn't the case I'd hang out with them tomorrow in DC I was just so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Then they told me that there would be no sightseeing in DC because they would all be too hungover to do anything but sleep the next day, even though we had the entire day to ourselves since we weren't competing in the next round. And I couldn't take the one car because we're 30 mins outside the city and there's only one car to share and we need to have it available in case on an emergency. I started to get pissed off at this point because we had done literally nothing but practice in our hotel for 3 days and they knew how much I wanted to see the city, but they decided to get so drunk they weren't planning on leaving their beds and they were forcing me to join them even though I was so tired I wanted to die. I told them I was tired of this game and they needed to give me back my room key right now or I'd be asking for one from the front desk and they finally gave it back then. It was about 1:30 when I finally fell into bed.
To those of you who don't understand why someone isn't drinking, as long as that person isn't being all preachy can you please do me a favor and leave them the eff alone? Up until now I'd actually liked these people, I had no problem with them going out, but the way they made me feel so guilty and horrible about myself and how judgy they were about me just wanting some friggin sleep. I really liked all these people before this and now I just don't know what to do. I feel like it needs to be addressed, but have you ever noticed it's always the non drinking person who has to be so careful about touching the subject of drinking? Yet the drinking people can do whatever the eff they want and hassle and nag and whine and no one says a damn word because the person who doesn't want to be there is just a party pooper and eff them.
Putting this in relationships because I think a lot of people have this problem with their friends and I'd like their take on how they deal with it.
Wow. That is awful. I am so sorry! I've done the same thing (stayed jn to sleep instead of goof out with the group) because I also love sightseeing and getting up early to do that! I can't believe how forceful they were! Sounds like childish bullying behavior. I have no advice, except maybe to address it with them and say that it was unacceptable, but I'm so sorry thT happened!
I am exactly like you as far as drinking and recreational activities. I'll have a few drinks but I actually want to enjoy my life instead of spending it miserably hungover.
It seems to me that you fell into peer pressure so you need to work on how to deal with that. Since you were doing a mock trial, it sounds like maybe you're studying law. I think a better lesson than a mock trial would have been having your classmates arrested for assault.
Idon't think you were dragged anywhere against your will.I'm pretty sure somebody would have noticed that you were being kidnapped and called security. Maybe that sounds a little harsh but it is what it is.
I think I was amazingly tolerant of it all things considered, I didn't get mad until they told me we were spending the entire next day in the hotel room.
Oh and I forgot the best part. Around 3:30 am I wake up to loud shouting and banging and all the lights coming on. They decided to continue the party IN OUR ROOM rather than the boys' room where no one was sleeping!! Luckily I'm a sound sleeper so I only woke up once but I was ready to push all of them out the window. I'm still really tired but I guess I have plenty of time to sleep today since I'm not going into the city. No shopping no good food no sightseeing :(.
That's horrible! It wasn't right for them to try and force you to go out against your wishes, and I'm sure the alcohol they had already consumed didn't help the situation. I've had friends who done something similar, and I ended up breaking away from them. It was just too awkward when we hung out together, and I couldn't spend time around people who wouldn't respect my wishes. These friends drink constantly, and I'm fine with one or two drinks. My advice would be to see if they offer an apology, and if not, I would look into separating yourself from these people.
@Dizbee: if you are 30 min outside of dc there is a way to get there that's probably less hassle than the car. Ask at the front desk. I would want to go by myself after the crap these clowns put you through. But really, you have to be stronger. I would never allow anyone to physically force me and would have been screaming. Unless you were thrown over their shoulders with your mouth duct tapes you agreed to go. You need to stand up for yourself. If this is a thing you do for fun I would find a new group. If this is a class or something I would report this behavior. Really this has nothing to do with drinking and everything to do with being assholes.
@mamadingdong: I'm really not sure where these comments about standing up for myself are coming from. I told them no nicely. I told them no forcefully. I said no got in bed like the discussion was over and then was physically dragged out and pushed out the door and my key was hidden and marched down the hall and into the bar and it was only when I threatened to go to the front desk that they gave me my key back. No they didn't commit a crime or kidnap me or any of that bs and I don't want to report them or anything (although I would like an apology, but I won't hold my breath) but I would have actually had to physically hold on to the bedrail to stop them from pushing me out of the room and locking me out. And I did go back to the room eventually. I think I stood up for myself just fine, although I do feel like I should do something in addition today to let them know how nasty they were to me. How would you have handled the situation differently?
Edit: And I don't think you'd be screaming, not if the people were your friends. These people were my friends, and up until that point they'd been very nice and we spent a ton of time together preparing for competition. They weren't just strangers that forced themselves into my room. It's really easy to tell people getting pressured that it's their problem and they need to stand up for themselves better but maybe it'd be better if we realized the problems were the bullies and not the ones being bullied?
I disagree with previous posters. Nobody should be physically dragged from her bed by anyone. Yes, OP could have thrown a fit and called the cops, but most people are hesitant to do that to people who they normally see as friends.
I'm sorry your friends were so crappy to you. There's not much you can do now, but I would avoid travelling with them in the future.
How OLD are these people? Sounds super immature. I'd be pissed too however, I would have gotten in their faces and told me to leave me alone, then I would have just gone down got a new hotel key (told them to disable the other ones that were "stolen" from you) and gone to bed.
That's ridiculous behavior. You've got to stick to your guns though and not let anyone force you to do things you don't want to do - even if it means they hate you! True friends wouldn't do that to you.
Where are you staying? EveniIf you're 30 minutes outside DC, there should be a metro stop nearby - that's way easier than driving in anyways. Ask the front desk at the hotel!
@Dizbee: I absolutely would have yelled. I am not someone who is afraid of confrontation and there is no way I would allow myself to be dragged out of my room. This is not normal behavior. And yes, I would have been kicking and screaming if someone was putting their hands on me forcing me to do something. And no, I don't think that's overreacting. maybe I'm the crazy one here but this is absurd and I would not consider these people my friends.
@Dizbee: As someone who is the partier and usually trying to get people to come out with them, that was amazingly rude. They had no right to treat you that way. I do think you probably could have called it a night a little earlier, but I can understand how you didn't want to affect that relationship (however right or wrong that may be).
I think you can tour DC by yourself! The siteseeing parts of town are safe enough to do on your own, if you're excited about it.
@Dizbee: Wow, that his horrible!! I would never hang out with these people again! They are bullies, and their insistence upon getting you drunk against your will is beyond creepy. Ick.
I would have went to the front desk, told them I locked myself out of the room, and got another key. Then I would have went to the room and locked myself in to get some sleep. The next day I would have talked to the front desk about getting a ride to the nearest Metro stop so I could go into the city.
When we got back home I would have cursed everyone out and told them what assholes they were during the trip. :)
@Dizbee: yikes, that sucks. Sorry to hear that. Next time, go straight to the hotel front desk and tell them someone has your key. I think as long as you have your ID and know who's name the room is under, I think you should get in without a problem :(
@OctBride-2012: great minds think alike ;)
That totally sucks. I was in DC the last 3 days of January and we hit the zoo and Smithsonian and it was completely amazing.
@Dizbee: I wish I had seen this before because now it's a little too late. I think it would have been nice to exact some revenge on them in their vulnerable hung-over state - maybe some music, a few missing eyebrows, some unflattering photo opportunities etc.
Then of course you could never be caught in the same position with them again because they would outnumber you.
I hope you won't have to do this with them again?
I agree there is something wrong with the idea that because something is normal or accepted by a group people in a group often don't feel they need to respect an individuals decisions.
It's sad that human beings - pretty much everywhere and throughout history - have always felt power in numbers justifies usually completely unacceptable behaviour to force others to conform.
@Dizbee:" I feel like it needs to be addressed, but have you ever noticed it's always the non drinking person who has to be so careful about touching the subject of drinking? Yet the drinking people can do whatever the eff they want and hassle and nag and whine and no one says a damn word because the person who doesn't want to be there is just a party pooper and eff them. "
You are my hero.
I don't drink, but my fiance and many of our friends do. Our core group of friends will tease me about it, but don't push the issue and are generally happy to have a built-in designated driver. But frequently, when going to friends-of-friends parties and such, it's a whole 'nother story. Even when I'm not the DD, I'll say I am just to avoid getting "the look"(like I'd punched a baby), the "but you HAVE TO!!" (No, I really don't.) and shots practically forced into my hand (luckily, never have a problem finding someone to take that bullet for me )
When getting made fun of, I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut or be accused of being snooty, repressed, judgemental, or trying to force my religion/values on others.
If other people drinking bugged me, I wouldn't go out to parties and clubs and such. I've never given anyone guilt trips for drinking, it would be nice to have that same respect for my choice to not drink.
Friends don't treat friends like this
A little update. Apparently there was a reason why we couldn't go to DC that had nothing to do with them being hungover. Here's what I heard from a secondhand account:
After I left they went absolutely bonkers at the hotel bar. They didn't want to pay for expensive bar drinks so they went across the street to Walgreens and brought back bottled beer and wine, which is against hotel rules. A manager came and "got in their face and acted like a douchebag" (according to the secondhand account from my roommate, personally it sounded like they were out of line and deserved to get yelled at) and said they couldn't drink the stuff they just bought at Walgreens downstairs. The manager told them they had had enough and needed to leave the bar, which was about 15 minutes from closing anyway. So they moved to the lobby, which is about 20 feet away from the hotel bar...then the manager got on their case again and told them they had to leave the entire lobby area, so they started stumbling towards the area...when one girl proceeded to drop an entire bottle of wine, which smashed on the floor and leaked onto the carpet. Instead of profusly apologizing like they should have, they giggled like loons and RAN AWAY. Like teenagers! These are mid to late twenties adults in professional school! Then they ran into my room and turned on all the lights and made a ton of noise and continued the party. I think at some point they must have left when I went back to sleep because they went into the boys' room and apparently got yelled at by the manager again for making too much noise.
So flash forward to the next morning. The story I'd been told was that we'd be too hungover to go anywhere, so I wake up early and try not to distrurb my roommates, who are snoring away, then at 9 am our team captain hammers on our door saying we have to get up and get packed up NOW we're leaving. The story he told us is he "didn't want to charge the school for another night for a hotel when we hadn't progressed in the competition and didn't need to stay." This struck me as very odd because the room was already paid for until Sunday and we'd always talked about how it'd be good to have a free day if we didn't progress in the competition.
No one ever told me why we had to leave so suddenly, but I think based on the account from last night they got kicked out. I never said anything to them because I was one of only two 2Ls on the competition team and all the 3Ls would be graduating and out of my hair in the spring. Next year however, I will probably be picked as a captain for a team given how well I performed this weekend (I won best attorney three our of the four rounds) and my competitors will NOT be doing this crap. if someone or a couple of team members act like a drunken asshole and gets us kicked out of our room early, I will have them kicked off the team entirely and will be reporting them to the dean. I don't care if they think I'm the biggest stick in the mud ever, the way my team acted was disgusting and completely unprofessional and I will not be held responsible for bad behavior next year.
@Dizbee: I think I'd go to the dean now and explain what happened. You don't want any of this to reflect poorly on you.
@oneofthesethings: I don't have confirmation we were kicked out. None of them will tell me anything beyond the manager was "being a douchebag" and they all keep insisting they just wanted to leave early. But they were so hungover and miserable I highly, hiiiighly doubt anything would have gotten them out of bed at 9 am unless they were forced out.
Ugh I can't stand people like that. All of you would have been happier if they weren't spending the night shoving their beliefs down your throat. Is alcoholism a new religion or something?
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