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We're renewing our vows after eloping and 7 years of marriage in Oct. 2010. We do not want or expect to receive any presents. You wouldn't bring a present to a destination vr right? I don't want to mention it on the invites, of course, but I also don't want people to think we want presents! I would assume that the couple wasn't expecting or wanting gifts, but I just wanted to double check.
Frankly, I've never been to a vow renewal and would not be sure what to do. I'd bring a gift to be on the safe side. I'd probably do something smaller than for a first wedding, but I'd do a gift card to a restaurant or something. Maybe I'm in the minority though.
No. No gift is necessary. If you're already married, you usually have everything by that time to set up your household, which is what the gifts would consist of.
If I were invited to your vow renewal, I would probably bring some sort of gift just because I wouldn't really be sure what everyone else would do. Plus, it's not like I would have already given you a gift at your wedding, so it's not like I would be giving you double gifts...
if i received your invitation and recognizing that you were hosting an actual reception event i would be wondering where you are registered so i could give you a gift. i guess if it was a bbq in the backyard i would be thinking a nice bottle of something but an actual reception function i would be thinking a more formal gift
but im italian so if not registered i would put cash in an envelope, its what the italians do :)
I have no idea what the proper protocol for this situation is honestly but I am curious to see what the general concensus is on your question.
Eloping, why would you register after you have been married 7 yrs? I'm sure her guests know that she and her husband have been married that long and don't need the same stuff as someone who is just starting out for the first time.
@Ember, and an elopee myself, i guess i would be looking for a registry because i would see it as their 1st formal wedding function. in saying that, we're having our own party in a few weeks time and its a low key home/backyard thing and im spreading the word no gifts please but knowing the familes (greek and italian) im expecting gifts to be given
if Katemw's invite was for an actual wedding reception venue with a dress code, sit down dinner ect i would consider the event an actual wedding reception and a formal gift would be required by me. not everyone else but i would give a gift because thats how i was raised - i wouldnt even come over to your place for dinner without bringing a bottle of something or dessert or something else as a way of saying thankyou for the invitation, its just how its done for me
I'd bring a gift, I think, because to me it's a way of saying to the couple I value your relationship and want to contribute, and to give them something to help them celebrate the day. (Love Languages, anyone??).
BUT if it was my vow renewal, I would not expect gifts but also wouldn't want to put it on the cards (so I understand your dilemma!).
Is it possible to have them call you to, so that you get to talk to them and they can ask, or you can mention "oh, and please spread the word that we would value the presence of our guests and aren't wanting gifts", or something similar?
I would bring a gift, especially if you were feeding me. You mentioned it is destination, so if the costs to attend are really high, I may just bring a card and a bottle of champagne to your house upon return.
I would probably bring something small at least. If you really want to make sure people don't go all out, I would suggest letting some key guests know and asking them to spread the word.
I would definitely bring a gift if I were coming to the VR, but if I couldn't come, I would send a card only.
I would probably bring a gift because I don't like to show up to a party empty-handed...If you're concerned about people bringing gifts, maybe you could include an insert with your invites with the name of a charity asking people to donate should they feel moved along with a "no gifts please" or "your presence is present enough" something like that....
I have no idea!
I look at vow renewals kind of like weddings, though. I'd bring a "safe" gift of some sort. Nothing as expensive as I likely would for a wedding (no stand mixer for you, sorry! lol), but probably SOMETHING cool, particularly if there's food and booze! I'd go to Bombay or Crate and Barrel maybe and definitely include a gift receript. Maybe a nice vase? I dunno. To me, that means party, and I ALWAYS bring a hostess gift, right? THis would be no different
Well, I have a semi-similar situation. My husband and I got married in June. The idea was to keep it a secret and have the whole church thing in January, for that "wedding experience." However, I'm pretty sure that people have been figuring it out. I know my sister figured it out, and as much as I love the kid, she has a huge mouth. I was chatting with my Mom one day, and she was acting weird, so I asked her if she knew, and she totally did.
I hadn't given any thought to the gift situation until someone asked me about it. It was actually my daycare teacher, who is a close friend to the hubs family. She already knew, since I had to update insurance info for my daughter. She said that if someone did not get the chance to celebrate with you at the time of your marriage, that gifts should be graciously accepted by the bride & groom. She even encouraged me to register, which I'm undecided on.
In Kate's case, I would say don't mention it and leave it up to the guests. Chances are there are a lot of people who want to celebrate your union in the form of a gift they didn't have the chance to give you before. And since you're not expecting anything, it will be a pleasant surprise. I know if I were attending such an event, I would feel a monetary gift would be appropriate.
I wouldn't say anything but if anybody asks I would either tell them you don't want/need anything OR if they want to give something, maybe ask that they donate to your favorite charity.
i would bring a gift because i like to give gifts. while it is not acceptable to make a note of where you are registered or that you only want money on an invitation, it is perfectly fine to note that you do not want gifts. a simple "no gifts please" will suffice and noone will find that rude.
I wouldn't assume you were looking for gifts, of course, but I would probably bring a little something like a gift card to your favorite restaurant for a dinner for two, or maybe a gift card for a couple's massage. Just something that you could both enjoy together that would help you celebrate.
I wouldn't even mention gifts, and if anyone asks, just say that their presence is gift enough. But just keep in mind that there are people out there who just like giving gifts :) But I definitely don't think you have to worry about people thinking you're just doing it for the gifts.
I recently went to a vow renewal and on the invitation they stated that my "presence at the event was gift enough" so that's how I knew not to bring a gift. You may want to do something similar on your invites. Good Luck!
You will probably get gifts as you are inviting people to a celebration. You could put a phrase on your invitation like 'The only presents necessary is your presence". I did that for my parents anniversary party but they still got gifts!!
I probably wouldn't bring a gift to be honest but I would definitely bring a nice card and write something heartfelt. I think I would just assume, after 7 years of marriage, you've got the stuff you need.
I would bring a gift. A lot of people usually do this around significant wedding anniversaries and I believe those deserve gifts.
I'm kinda shocked by the responses! LOL I wouldn't have thought people would say yes. I guess I'll need to find a way to make sure people know we just want them there and no gifts. It's obviously a small, intimate celebration of our closest friends and family, so they know we've got a stocked house. We're thinking about the reception as a way to celebrate our friends and family for supporting us through the past 7 years. The ceremony is about us and the reception is for them. Hmm...back to the drawing board about the no gifts. Thanks for all the answers!
Oh and I love the idea of donating to a charity. The town we're having it in has a conservation society I think. I could suggest that.
It might not be as big a gift that I might do for the orginal wedding, but I'd probably still bring something.
I would probably give a gift card to a nice restaurant.
I've never been to a vow renewal, so I'm not sure what the protocol is! I'd probably bring a gift to be on the safe side.
I would bring something really small like a bottle of good wine. This is a reason to celebrate, but not really a gift-giving occasion. I would treat it like an anniversary, and I don't give gifts for those.
I have never been invited to one, but if I was, I would likely bring a gift or send a gift. Anytime I am invited to a party (bday, anniversary, engagement) I usually bring something. If the couple was not registered, I would probably give a gift certificate to a restaurant, a nice bottle of wine, or something that I know that the couple is interested in.
If you feel strongly about it, on your invitations you could put in small print/italics at the bottom "No gifts please." I have seen it done before and I don't think it is offensive or tacky.
I wouldnt spend as much as I normally do on wedding gifts, but I would still bring a small gift or gift card for the couple. Are you providing dinner or snacks? If so, then as a guest I would definitely bring something. Since its a vow renewal and not a wedding, I think its ok to put no gifts please. It shows you are not asking or expecting gifts and you just want the presence of your family and friends.
yes. if you are absolutley sure about not wanting gifts and want to follow etiquette, then your safest bet is to put "No gifts please." on the bottom of the invite. i've seen it done many times, for weddings, retirements, anniveraries, b-day parties, etc.
I would probably bring a gift. My mom would tell me it's the right way to go. I wouldn't expect them to register though. Maybe a gift card to a place they like or a dinner gift card. A bottle of wine or champagne would be a good gift too!
I would end up bringing a gift unless it stated somewhere "No gifts please".
I know they say that you shouldn't make mention to a gift in an invitation package or on the invite itself, but is it still poor etiquette to say you don't want any?
I recently got an invitation to a second marriage & they sent a little card about 1/2 the size of the reception card just saying "No gifts please." I didn't find it inappropriate-- it helped relay the couple's wishes so there was no confusion!
I would absolutely bring a present...not a super lavish one but a present nonetheless if it were just a ceremony and cocktails or something lowkey. If there was a reception I would take it as my chance to give them a very late wedding present, esp since the couple had eloped the first time around. I wouldn't put anything with no gifts because its awkward but you may also get alot of people thinking they should bring a token gift. I would suggest telling someone close like a sister that you don't want gifts and making sure they tell everyone else.
I've never been invited to a vow renewal, but I would definitely bring a gift. I don't like showing up at a party without something for the guests of honor. I probably wouldn't go crazy, but I would definitely want to get something special for the couple.
No, i wouldn't. I might send a card and a little bit of money, but if they are renewing their vows then that means the couple has been together long enough to have pretty much everything they need.
I would bring a small gift. Nothing expensive but something nice. People could always use something. I like to celebrate with a gift!
I give gifts for everything so I'm sure I would bring a little something. I'm of the school of thought that you never show up empty handed to any party, which may not be the case with most people.
I think it depends. For parents, grandparents, or very close friends I absolutely would. If there is a party and ceremony, I would bring a gift. This wouldn't be like a wedding gift, though.
I do usually give my parents something on their anniversary and I'm sure to acknowledge my close friends' wedding anniversary.
I would probably bring a bottle of wine (depending on the couple) and a homemade card or something to that effect.
I would bring a gift, even if the couple wasn't registered. Heck, I would bring a gift to a dinner party so why not a vr??
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