Young bee moved back in with feuding parents…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

How close are you to your parents?  Have they fought a lot in the past?

 

I only ask because I am very close to my parents and feel very comfortable with them.  When I was younger they were going through some rough years in their marriage and fought a lot and sadly they would bring my sister and I into it occasionaly or we would end up in the middle on our own.  I regret that my parents let that happen but now I have no problem asking one of them why they have been fighting so much or if anything is going on between them.  Maybe you aren’t the same, but I would pick the parent you can talk to easier and just say “Hey I’ve noticed a lot of tension in the house and I don’t want to overstep my bounds but are you and mom/dad okay?” They may still see you as a child and want to hide all the bad from you but they need to understand that you are not a child and you are seeing what is happening, you just don’t understand why.  Maybe even ask if you moving back home as caused some tension and if you should get out of the house for a few days if they need to work through some things.  Sometimes the key is just asking. But if they tell you to back then back off and let it be.

 

Post # 4
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

Don’t ask — it’s not your business. If they want to bring it up with you, they’ll bring it up to you — otherwise, leave it be.

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@morrisonlives:  I would stay out of it. Their personal relationship is no longer your business now that you are an adult. I doubt they would appreciate your interference.

Post # 8
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@morrisonlives:  I don’t really have advice for you, I just wanted to say I’m sorry that you’re in this position!  It’s so hard to see your parents this way.  Hang in there!

Post # 9
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@morrisonlives:  Do you think you will have another one if you begin to talk about it again?  If so then maybe it would be best to just ask them not fight in front of you.  If not then I would go to her and ask her, you be the one to bring it up.

And I totally get feeling like you deserve to know what is going on when they are doing this right in front of you.  I think that is why I am so blunt with my parents; if they can come into the room I am in screaming at eachother then tell me what the heck is going on or leave the room but the older I get the more they are willing to tell me.  I remember a few months ago they got into a blow out and it could have gotten a lot worse if I had not been there to walk into the room and ask them why they were screaming at the top of their lugs, at that point I became a neutral party for them to help figure out the problem.  It sucks but works for our family.

If you decide to go to your mom to see what is going you for sure need to make sure you are able to know when to walk away.  You have a history of anxiety attacks so you need to be prepared for another one and stop the conversation when it becomes too much.  And you also need to express that even though you would like to know what is going and possibly help them if they need it (if you want to) then you will not take sides, even if you do in your head, don’t let them know who you think is right unless one is going way over bounds with something. 

Post # 10
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@morrisonlives:  My advice is to stay out of it and mind your business as much as possible.

My Parents went through a rough patch a couple years ago, and it took a toll on my Mothers and I relationship. Trust me you don’t want to be in the middle of their relationship. If you absolutley have to address the tension in the house and what everyone can do to make it better, then do that.

Eventually my Parents got back on track and it was case of growing up apart, and leanring how to love and live with just each again.  It’s really sad but I know quite a few people like mine whose parents raised children and were married for 20 to 30 years who for whatever reason imploded once their chidren reached adulthood.

Certain things need to have boundaries and ramain between husband and wife, so if I were you I would do everything in your power to stay out thier relationship and whatever is going on.

Post # 14
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I’d stay out of it, like others have said, if they want to talk to you about it, they will. I dont think id take too kindly to my adult child asking about any issues in my relationship. sorry x

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