Post # 1
I love lurking on this site so I thought I would post and ask something I’ve been wondering about for a while. Specifically, I am baffled by young brides marrying men they just met and wondering why someone would want to do this.
Young brides marrying high school sweethearts or long term boyfriends? Yes. But feeling the need to marry someone they met only a few months ago? I just don’t get it. I’m young myself (just turned 22), and I knew just a couple of months into my relationship with FI that we would get married. But how does “He’s the one” turn into “Must. Marry. Now”? Logically, you have your whole life to be married, so why not enjoy a couple years of dating first? What’s the rush?
Post # 3
Just a question – shouldn’t this also apply to older brides as well? I think rushing into marriage could be a scary prospect for anyone, no matter their age. Have you noticed this more with younger brides?
Post # 4
I wonder this as well too. My cousin who is only a few years older than me (and I’m 22) married a guy she only knew for 6 months by the time the wedding happened. She said that they had so much in common and she just knew they were perfect for each other so they just went for it. Now a few months after the marriage, and after they bought a house together, a lot of stuff is coming out of the woodwork; and not good stuff. Like the fact that he has real serious anger issues and can be abusive.
If she had just waited a few more months, I feel like maybe she would have seen more of his true colors before they plunged into a marriage that she’s not happy in anymore. And they haven’t even been married a year yet.
Now I’m not saying that I think everyone should be together longer before they get married just in case their potential husband might be abusive. I just personally think it takes longer than a few months to get to know a person for who they really are.
Just my two cents.
Post # 5
I’m definitely a young-ish bride (22, FI is 23) but we’ve been together since high school. So we’re one of those couples that people were complaining we weren’t engaged yet. I had to remind them that at the time I was only 20, or whatever. I didn’t want to get married THAT young, even if we did know it would happen eventually.
Post # 6
I agree with you, it doesn’t necessarily have much to do with age.
Post # 7
I’ve often wondered the same thing.
Post # 8
@LittleLynx – I can see how someone who’s been through a lot of relationships/dating could be impatient to settle down as soon as she knows she’s found the right guy. So at least for older brides there’s a reason to want to get married right away. But I just don’t see any logical reason for a younger woman to do it.
Post # 9
I actually see more older brides rushing into marriage than young brides – but I personally think that everyone should wait a while before marriage!
I feel the first couple of months really are a “honeymoon” period and you really don’t get to know everything about a person until a couple years into the relationship. Not that I am saying these marriages don’t work because I know some that have but they go through a lot of growing pains while getting to know one another and in my opinion it’s just a little backwards!
Post # 10
i see what you mean. i’m a young bride but i’ve dated my fiance for over 3 years. i don’t mean to be a hypocrite, but dating someone for a couple months and getting married is crazy. my fiance’s sister in-law proposed to his brother after weeks. wow. they got married 5 months later and are on their way to divorce. (she cheated on him and stole $ from his account).
Post # 11
I don’t understand it either. I have a friend who met a guy, was engaged within 4 months and then married a year after they met. He was then deployed to Iraq and while he was gone, she decided that she didn’t want to be with him anymore and they were divorced within 6 months.
I, on the other hand, have been with my husband for about 6 years. We were engaged for 3 years before getting married this summer. She is one month younger than I am (22) so it wasn’t a big age difference between us.
Post # 12
I’m 19 and I’d like to get engaged after graduation and once I’m settled in my career. I’ll be graduating in May with my Bachelor’s degree in accounting. I was able to earn my Associate’s two months after graduating high school. Accelerating my college education was the right decision for me and it made me more mature (imho) than many 19 year olds. My boyfriend is 29 and we’re living together in a house that he bought (I contribute, but it’s not half and half). I want to get married around 21 but with a long engagement. For me, 19 has been more like 22 or 23 as far as life experiences go. Age is really just a number. I want to get married so young because I know I want to spend my life with him. I love him with all my heart and I’m eager to make it not only legal, but also in front of God, our family, and our friends.
Post # 13
I think some “older” brides move faster towards the altar because of the biological clock and wanting a little time as husband and wife before starting a family. I’m nearly 35 and we’ve been dating for two years and I know our families and friends have been waiting anxiously for the last six months for us to get engaged. all thw eddings i have gone to in the last three years have been of couples that dated a year or less before getting engaged. I think the other part of it is for older brides that you’re further along in your career, life, whatever and so you can pretty quickly figure out whether someone’s goals/priorities align with yours fairly quickly as opposed to waiting to finish important milestones (like graduating, grad school, etc).
Post # 14
My FI and I got engaged on our second anniversary of going out and will get married when we’ve been together nearly 3.5 years. I’m 31 — and a decade ago, I would have wanted to wait much longer before getting married. I think I know what works and what doesn’t much better now than I did even five years ago — life experience and knowing my own priorities and values much better has really helped.
Post # 15
I think it’s incredibly judgmental to qualify a person’s relationship based on their age or the length of the dating relationship. Every relationship and person is so different; just because a young woman wants to get married, doesn’t mean she’s making a stupid decision, feels obsessively driven to do it regardless of the quality of the relationship, or is dragging her man down the aisle!
My grandparents were engaged after four months, when he was 22, and were married until his death a few years ago. The night he met my grandmother, he wrote to his father and told him he met the woman he was going to marry. And that was that.
In my situation: my SO is eight years older, with a place of his own and a great career. Next spring I’m graduating with my BA and get to start my career. He happened to come into my life exactly when I needed him most, and at just the right time for us to start our life together without throwing life plans off course.
I’m 21. Does that make me young? Yes. Does that make me stupid? No.
So why don’t we lay off the ageism and look at individual couples rather than demographics.
Post # 16
I agree with the point that a lot of the rush for me was that I wanted to make it official. It meant I was comfortable to buy a house for our family since I knew he was serious about getting married. I wasn’t going to buy a house with my boyfriend or combine bank accounts. By getting engaged/married, it allowed us to do this and to begin to save together for things like our kids, etc.
My parents were married for 5 years before they tried to have children, same with his parents. It allows you as a couple to get established, enjoy each other etc. I really wanted to do the same thing. We will get married right before I turn 25 and he will almost be 27. I think that allows for us to have a couple years to establish our marriage and then think about having kids while we are still relatively young.