- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
Well, Bees, I’ve joined the ranks of frazzled brides freaking out over how to graciously handle children being brought to my ceremony and reception. Before I begin, a few points about my wedding:
- Venue seats an absolute maximum of 90 people indoors (ceremony can be moved outdoors if the weather is nice, but in my state/month, that will be unlikely)
- Venue can accommodate up to 150 people for an indoor reception, with a courtyard for activities and cocktails.
- There is plenty of space/rooms to have a day care-ish room with sitters and activities during our 30 minute ceremony.
I had a freak-out moment last night when my Future Mother-In-Law told me that not only did one of my FI’s cousins expect to be able to bring a plus one (I only addressed the STD to one person), but there were people on his side who have children that I didn’t know about. Adding more children and a plus one would tip us over the scales of 90 seated indoors. I also have to leave at least 3 seats open for my brother, with whom I am currently estranged, but am hoping to reconcile within the year.
I have freed up about 8 seats for the ceremony by deciding my college friends would receive an invitation to the reception only. I suspect a few of them might not even show if they only receive an invitation for the reception, but hey… family comes first, right?
I have second cousins of all ages– anywhere from 18 months at the time of the wedding to 12 or 13. Obviously I know that my older second cousins, nearing 7-13 years old, are perfectly well behaved and can handle a ceremony, but I’m just not sure about the infants.
Many of the people bringing toddlers and infants are from out of state, so there’s no possibility of saying “hey, leave the kids at home with a babysitter” for them. They may in fact choose to have their in-laws keep the kids for the weekend, but I am going to err on the side of caution and say that I’ll need to provide child care during the ceremony if I choose to have an “adults only” ceremony.
I was thinking of calling each family member with a young child and asking them if they plan on bringing little so-and-so to the wedding (because I really do want to see those kids! Just don’t want crying during our vows, you know?), or if they plan on having them stay in their respective states. If they’re bringing them, I’m going to ask them “would you be alright with leaving the kids with a childcare specialist/babysitter downstairs in the dancing room during the ceremony? It should only be about a 30 minute ceremony.” I don’t mind having the children at the reception.
My main concern is the seating. I know kids can be fit on laps, but I would feel awfully cruddy if I assumed they would be an in-lap seat, and left an adult guest without a seat.
Do you think it would be rude of me to strongly suggest they leave their children with a babysitter downstairs? Is it rude of me to give my college friends reception-only invites (especially if I haven’t seen them in about 3 years)? Does including individual RSVP cards with one name on each send a clear message that there is no plus-one option (if you’ve already filled it out for them)?
How do you all handle guest limits gracefully and without hurting feelings?
*edit: I should mention the cousin does not have steady boyfriends, so I am not sure by that time they will be engaged or cohabitating.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by TheAnonyMouse.