(Closed) Young couples not set on having children

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Liss: I feel the same way. FI is working toward a PhD and is a child himself most of the time, so I can’t imagine having kids because the idea just seems impractical and overwhelming for me. FI imagines we’ll have them some day because he thinks he’ll make an awesome dad (I agree…) Like you if it happens, then it happens…and we’ll welcome our child happily but, realistically I could do without.

Post # 4
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think I’m in the same boat, except we are 29 and 31 (I’m the 29 . . .just had to throw that out there).  I don’t see myself wanting children, honestly I just don’t like them that much.  And after working for a few years I decided to go to law school so I have that going on and will want to get started on that career after I graduate.  So yeah, I think I’m not entirely ruling it out, but just don’t see myself changing my mind!  Luckily FI feels the same way. 

Post # 5
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

In theory I want children someday, but I also definitely know I don’t want them anytime soon. I’ll be 28 in less than a month and the motherly tendencies have most certainly not kicked in. I’m hoping the old biological clock will make itself known in about five years, but I’m starting to wonder if it will. Maybe after I’ve gotten to enjoy a few years of married life with just DH and I I’ll feel differently, but I’m starting to worry that I will never be in that place where “baby makes three” is a welcome proposition. I guess only time will tell.

Post # 6
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I just dont think i could handle the stress of looking after a baby 24/7… as much as i would love a child of my own i dont think i could handle that.

I’m very much happy with my two stepchildren (10yrs and 15yrs)… they dont live with us but when they are over its full on… so i dont see myself handling a baby who NEEDS your attention 24/7.

Although i have thought about my stepchildren living with us full time… i think i would like that… HAHAHAHA maybe LMAO!

Post # 9
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

FH and I are both 21 and have no desire to have children. Neither of us like children and I highly doubt I’d ever make a good parent. I don’t have any motherly instincts at all and the one time I did, I got a dog. Problem solved.We’ve already discussed what we’d do in the event of an unexpected pregnancy. There’s just no room for children in our lives.

There’s lots of pressure on FH’s side to have children and my parents think that I’ll “grow into” the idea of having a family, but I don’t see it.

 

Post # 10
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I get told that I’ll grow itno the idea, too. Honestly, if I got pregnant, I’m sure I’d love the baby, but that’s not the life I want.

Post # 11
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@helenberrycrunch: I personally believe that two people can be a family just as much as two people and a child, so I don’t see the need to have a child just so people will consider my FH and I a family.

Post # 12
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah I understand the comments about feeling pressure or guilty because you don’t want children.  I do feel bad because my mom would be an awesome grandma and she would love to be one but it’s just me and my sister, and I don’t see either one of us having children anytime soon, if at all.  Good thing we’ve given her 4 grandpuppies. 

Post # 13
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@Liss: Yeah, I agree. If I don’t get to that place, I don’t get to that place. I would never have a child for the wrong reasons. But I do hope the mommy instinct kicks in eventually. I would love to have a family with DH someday, and I know he feels the same way. Guess we’ll see how it goes!

ETA: I loathe people who accuse others of being selfish for not having children. The world is already severely overpopulated, unwanted and needy children are starving and being abused, and they think we have a duty to bring more lives into this world that we’re not ready or willing to support? Those people get a big “F you” in my book.

Post # 14
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I do think it is fine not to have them, people should NOT have them if they don’t want them, but I do also think, 21 might be too young to really make that decision forever…. but as long as you are both on the same page, it is great.  I think the problem will arise if someone someday feels differently.  

Post # 15
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My FI was VERY againct kids when we first met, but I am always wanted kids. We now have two (yes, surprise after engagment) and he really changed from overly awkward cant even touch a baby to a very loving dad, so you can grow into it .

BUT I have a few older adult friends of our family, who never wanted or had kids. What I like is one of them is in their 80s and still act like newly weds. The wife said she just didnt have the gene to want kids, and her husband worked as a teacher and had his fix there(although he seems like he would have liked them, but the are still SO happy. SHe is the love of his life.) The other couple is in their 30’s and they travel the world looking for their next adventure, and to be honest, I could never see them settling down with a child. I think either they would be lost, or the child would never know roots. We actually had a “vasectomy” party for her hubby and my FI… lol

Post # 16
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@JennaBride: I think it’s possible for 21 year olds to make that kind of forever decision, just like 21 year olds can make the decision to get married. My cousin decided at 19 he didn’t want kids, and at 26, he is still very childless. My aunt decided at 17 that she didn’t want children, and she’s still childless 30 years later. Neither of them regret their decision.

I guess I get a little defensive, since I hear all the time that I’ll change my mind because I’m a girl and I should want to have children, my life won’t feel complete without children or I’m selfish etc.

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