(Closed) Young mom does not= Cannot care for the baby…

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@MsPanda:  I try to remember that  not all act the same, so I try to put “most” in front of statements like that. I would say, MOST young moms don’t take care of their kids primarily, and too many don’t at all. Kudos to you and your Fiance for taking care of yours

Post # 4
12899 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agreed!  Just like not all “older” moms (late 20s/30s/40s) are good moms.  It’s a job, and some people excel and some people struggle and some people don’t care and some people are lucky and some aren’t.  It’s all stereotypes.  Unfortunately, it’s a stereotype because, in a lot of cases, these are kids taking care of babies, and don’t know how.  From what you said, you proved the stereotype wrong, and brava for that! 

(older in quotes!  Not calling anyone old — differentiating from the young mom  — i.e., under 20 — comment!)

Post # 5
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@MsPanda:  I totally agree I was 18 when I got pregnant with my son now I am 22 with 3 more kids that Darling Husband and I adopted. Not all young woman are bad moms and I know a bunch (including mine) of moms that are older and are terrible mothers.

Post # 7
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Obviously not all teen parents are crappy but I believe that a good chunk of them are, atleast from my experience. I’ve seen 14-17 year olds have kids and then continue to carry on with their lives as if their offspring doesn’t exist. The kids somehow become the responsibility of the teens parents and the teens get their lives back. I’ve seen this happen more than once and it doesn’t sit well with me. Then again, it’s not my life and their mistakes don’t affect me at all. 

@MsPanda: It’s great that you and your Fiance have taken responsibility for your child but sadly not a lot of teen parents do. There will be poor excuses for parents in every age bracket but there’s no denying that teen parents will outweigh those in other categories. Most teens are not equipped to handle the responsibility that comes along with reproducing and they end up failing miserably. If you’re an exception then great, fellow teen parents could learn a thing or two from you. 

Post # 8
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@MsPanda:  I can attest to this too! Not just with myself & my son, but with a young girl that was part of our home for women program a couple of years ago. Yay, she had help to get herself in a better place (she had lived alot of abuse & heartache for only 16) BUT she on her own took care of her son & seriously she is one of the most admirable moms I’ve ever met!!! 17 y/o in her 3rd semester of college, raising her son in a life she herself didn’t even think existed a few years ago. Not just a good mom, but a girl that literally changed to course of generations in her family!

My ex-husbands mom was an older mom & ALL 3 of her children have grown up to be useless to society. smh

Being a good mom is a choice of selflessness & sacrifice… Something someone can decide or reject regardless of age (just like having a good marriage)

Post # 9
12899 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@runsyellowlites:  Being a good mom is a choice of selflessness & sacrifice… Something someone can decide or reject regardless of age (just like having a good marriage)

I think you summed it up perfectly There are some fantastic moms at 16, and there are some terrible moms at 34.  It’s a choice to be a good mom (generally, there are of course things out of mom’s control sometimes) and it’s a sacrifice you need to be willing to make.  Age is nothing but a number, motherhood is a mindset.

Post # 10
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You are right. But you can thank MTV for highlighting the stereotype.

I had my son when I was 21 (and I looked- sometimes still do like I am 16). My ex-husband (not that it matters, but we were married before my son was conceived) was in the military and we were stationed across the country in WA. I don’t know if ya’ll are familiar or not but in the summer in WA, the sun is out til past 10PM. I needed to get some stuff at the food store, which was rght around the corner. Ex-H was in the field for a few weeks and my son was about 3 weeks old. It was about 9PM when I went to Safeway. There was a woman on line behind me who, 1) Said I gave up my childhood by choosing to be a teen mom (I was 21 remember) and 2) I was unfit because I had my son out of the house so young and so late. With that, I (as cordially as I could) tell this biyotch, I was NOT a teenager, I was MARRIED and my ex-H was in the military and not home so I HAD to take my NEWBORN who SLEEPS ALL DAY AND NIGHT out so I could get some food to EAT. I proceeded to ask her if she was going to call the “Baby” police. She backed off, and the woman behind her told her she was an ass. Moral of this ramble, people are ignorant and obnoxious. You know the type of parent you are so don’t let other peoples stupidity bother you!

Post # 13
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011


Yes I hate the stereotype! I was not/am not a teen mom. I did have my son unplanned, and was pregnant at 20. For me the transition was easy, because I had my party years, and knew I wasn’t missing out on much. Plus I had been out on my own since I was 15.I think thats what makes it harder for teen moms, is they haven’t had much experience with life. For you, I say congrats, I think it would have been tough. But I don’t think it is impossible. And the stereotype really irks me.I know this one girl who got pregnant at 16, and at 21 owned her own house, worked full time, and her son was so well behaved. I saw her mothering in action, and she was a great mom.

I see alot of older moms out there ignoring their children, and screaming at them all the time. So it just goes to show that there are bad parents of all ages. When an older mom has a babysitter to go out partying on the weekends its fine, she needs her “me” time. When a teen mom does it, shes irresponsible. Sheesh.

Post # 15
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think that the term “bad mom” to describe “most” teen moms is not accurate. While most are not financially equipped to care for a child there are a good number of us who had children young that were good moms to our kids in every other way possible including financially sometimes. the money is only one part of it. I had my son when i was 20. 3 months before my 21st birthday. I did get food stamps and WIC for the first year of his life but I had also worked since i was 15 consistantly and have worked consistantly since he was a year old. I did not make that a lifestyle to take from the government nor did I depend on that help always being there. I used it as it should be used, as a last resort. It was humiliating and for sure not ideal but it was necessary. His father and I worked really hard in that first year to makea  good stable home for him and he has never had anything but a loving solid home life. I may have been young but I did a lot of things that I see some older moms not doing. You do not have to be a certain age to have a child and then continue on living your life as if that child did not exist. I have seen women in their 30’s and 40’s do that very thing. My mom was a teen mom and she did a great job with me as a child. She was in high school and still did all the extra things with me like mom and tot classes and as I got older every sport and activity one could possibly want to do, as well as the necessary things like doctors visits and everyday care, school conferences etc. It was not anyone else that was my primary care giver. I have examples all around me of young (even if they arent exactly teen) moms that do a damn good job. I tend to not generalize very much because I feel like for every bad seed there is a good one, even if i am only seeing the bad or vice versa.

Post # 16
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Ugh, yes! I really have to bite my tongue when I see words like “unfit teen mother” being thrown around, not because of the person’s actions, but the person’s age.

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