Post # 1
Do you ever wonder if your FI had ‘enough time’ to be wild and for lack of a better term ‘sow his wild oats’ prior to your relationship/pending marriage? Mr. Luna and I started dating when I was about 16 and he was 18. Any other girls curious/wonder about this too? Especially if you started dating and plan to marry, young. Also, and I know this is sort of controversial, but in your opinion… how young is TOO young to marry? Is it based on length of time dating, age when dating and considering marriage? What are your thoughts? Thanks!
The Ever Curious,
Post # 3
I think it differs for every couple. We started dating at 14, never had any breakups (although there were a few tough times) and just got engaged at 19, although we talked about marriage earlier. We plan to wait until we both graduate college, so we’re looking at a June 2012 wedding.
I used to worry about the old “sowing of the oats” – with myself as well as him! There was a brief time when we were 18 that we were having a hard time and facing our futures. We gave each other a little time to think about who we are as individuals – and came out of it realizing that we are incredibly lucky with what we have. We’ve talked about the lack of intimacy with anyone besides ourselves, and are both okay with it… but it is an important issue to tackle, I think!
The major reason we are waiting to get married is because we want to be able to support ourselves in married life. I know people who are getting married at 19 and expect their parents to still pay for everything and act as if nothing’s changed, no job or anything – IMHO, that means you’re not mature enough to get married.
Also, I know I’m going to get flamed for this one, but I could never imagine getting married for the sex – like if you don’t believe in sex before marriage – I can’t imagine getting married before knowing so much about my FI. I’m sure it’s right for some people, but for us living together first was the way to go.
Post # 4
Oooo interesting.I guess I didn’t worry too much about this b/c DH was 21 when we met. We talked about this, and frankly, he’s not much of a “sowing the oats” kind of guy. He had a couple girls he dated in college, got tired of it, said he hated how he was acting, and decided the next time he dated or was with a girl it’d be with the intention of actually getting to know her and being serious. So I guess I came along at a good time. He was 26 when we got married and had 3 years of active duty military service, which sort of ingrains the “family” aspect pretty heavily. But he was a senior in college when we met.
@lilyfaith, I don’t see how you could get flamed for saying you shouldn’t get married for the sex. I think that’s just common sense. There should be OTHER reasons too =]. The sex should just be a bonus =]
Post # 5
I think that not everyone needs to sow oats. My parents met at 15 and 18, got married at 17 and 20, and have been married for 33 years. They’re the happiest couple I know. 🙂
Post # 6
@ejs4y8 – I’m glad you have that feeling, too – I know a lot of religious people are very open-minded, but we have gotten a lot of trouble from FI’s extended family for living together first, as did his sister – to the extent where his 15 year old cousin wasn’t “supposed to find out” because we are “bad influences.”
Post # 7
Oh, goodness, hodge podge. I can see where they are coming from (i have lots of friends/friends’ parents who are abhorred by the idea of living together or anything not “moral” blah blah blah or who “encourage” aka demand the ring before moving forward) but I find that those people are also 100% opposed to the idea of divorce, so they never see that it *could* possibly, even minutely happen, so they don’t see the big picture of what happens if you get married then find out it all sucks cuz you got married too fast! Whereas some of us would rather take things slowly and do it our own way. It doesn’t mean you’re getting married FOR the sex, rather that you have a different way of approachng your life.
His 15 year old cousin will figure it out someday. Sometimes the sheltered ones go the craziest in college ;P
Post # 8
My FI and I were both 16 when we started dating, and as he was a little bit crazy in high school, I’m pretty confident he got it out of his system. I always told him that if he wanted a break from us, if that would help him be sure, he could have it–but he said that would be the last thing he wanted! I’m now 21 and he’s about to turn 22, so I think he’s already figured out he’s just not the party/sleep around type.
Post # 9
gees… I worry about this, and we’re both 25! (we’ve only been dating since this summer, but we’ve been really good friends for years).
More, I worry that I’m pushing him to get married. BUT we talked about it this weekend (hehe… that conversation went like this:
J – what else is new?
DW – well, I’m kind of worried that we’re rushing into things and maybe I pushed you to think about marriage right away because of circumstances and what if you don’t really want to marry me, you just don’t know how to tell me you’re not ready and everything is going to fall apart.
J – wow. thats … wow.
DW – so I’m right?
J – no, but you kind of broad sided me. One minute we’re talking about soccer and the next you’re freaking out.
DW – oh. *shame*
J – listen, if I didn’t want to marry you, I wouldn’t have asked. and I wouldn’t be in a ldr if I wasn’t totally crazy about you. the distance is just getting to you. you have to remember I love you!
DW – ok. (all meek like)
I’m just paranoid that someone as amazing as J deserves to be with someone so much better than me, and I’m just waiting until he realizes it.
Post # 10
The funny thing is that his aunt and uncle were quite the party people themselves… and now deny any of it. Hypocritical much? Whereas FI and I both work, go to school full-time, and rarely have the spare time for anything resembling partying, we are the bad influences!
I know there are many couples out there who genuinely wait for sex because it is important to them, and I applaud that… I guess my train of thought was that the aunt and uncle would rather we had gotten married last year at 18 before we moved in together, so in my mind that would have been just for the sex (although that ship had sailed, but they don’t need to know that!) whereas a couple that chooses to wait are still making an informed decision. Does that make sense?
Post # 11
Everyone’s definitely different! =)
My FI is 30 and despite our age difference (5 years – I am 25) he actually has never had a long-term relationship – and by long term, I mean, past one date! For years he was super picky about who he went out with and always found something of an issue with the girl and thought it wasn’t worth pursuing…and he thought he’d never find someone ‘worth his time’ and just got used to the idea of being alone.
Me, I have had several long-term relationships from HS through college and after; 3 out of 4 years I was dating a serious boyfriend in college. However, when I met my FI, I knew he was the one.
When I brought up this conversation (about how he has not had lots of relationships) after we became engaged, he said he was glad he waited because he can put all his time and energy and love into one person he wants to be with forever. =D
Post # 12
FI never really was a wild child but he was also 27 when we met and had plenty of time to sow his oats. I, however, was still doing the partying scene when we met. I was barely 21 when we met but I learned pretty quick that drinking every night and waking up at noon just wasn’t the life for me. I enjoy a good dinner, board games, and cuddling on the couch. However, I will say that I did worry about this in my last relationship, we were together from 15 to 20 and I worried that both of us needed to experience other things before settling down. Apparently my worry was valid because he did end up cheating on me. I thought at the time that we were ready for marriage at 19/20. Looking back I think I was wrong, I changed so much when I moved out of my parents house and started to take care of myself, I’m so completely different, but then again, that’s just me. I do think sometimes it can depend on the couple, but I do think that college/life outside the parental home changes people in various degrees. I think the age your ready to marry just depends on you and your SO.
Post # 13
FI and I are both pretty young — he’s 23 and I’m 21 (at least for a couple more months!). I don’t at all worry about the wild oats thing with him, though. As far as other women go, he seriously dated everyone under the sun before he met me, haha! He’s definitely been with a lot of other women and while that’s hard for me sometimes because I had only a couple brief relationships before him, I know it helped him be completely sure that I was the one for him.
As far as the partying thing goes, FI has never been a partier. He actually didn’t drink until he was 21, which is pretty unusual! I was the “wild child” – doing drugs and getting in trouble in high school, and still partying pretty hard up until I met FI. Our relationship changed my priorities and calmed me down a lot, though sometimes I wonder if I would have liked to have another year or two of careless youth. Still, I would never trade what we have for a hangover!
We also want to still be young when we are married. We like to go out and do things and have a good time with friends. We’re going to be living in a young neighborhood with lots of bars and things to do, so its not like our youth is over!
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
You know, I do struggle with this. My FI and I met in the first month of our freshman year of college, and have been together ever since, with no break-ups. Also, hope this isn’t an overshare, we were each others’ “firsts.” We’ve been together seven years now, and we’ve both gone through some phases of feeling like we should have gotten out there and sown our oats a little more, like you said. I guess you just have to decide that the excitement of, I’ll go ahead and say it, a few experiences of sex with other people just to see what it’s like is not worth threatening the relationship you have. My motto in my relationship has been that love is a choice. You don’t just fall in love with someone and have it all be easy street from there…….you have to choose your relationship all the time. We choose our love over “seeing what’s out there.”
Post # 15
tee hee i think M and i have sown enough wild oats for the entire board plus some!! it still amazes me that i am faithful to him (first time ever) and that we’ve never broken up (ever) sigh we’ve had some trying periods but i think m is exactly what i would be like if i were a guy so i have complete total and all encompassing trust in him and well he’s just so darned cute. but we are older i am 29 and he’s 32 (will be 33 on the 25th)… sigh… btw daniellemybelle i still wonder if i would like to sew a couple of other oats but i have learned that the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side and sometimes you just need to fertilize what you have and it will end up better than the others (took years to figure this out btw!!)
Post # 16
FI & I met at 15/16 & have been going for 5 years. He’s not really a “sow your oats” guy & I think to some extent neither am I. I did worry about me for a little while (or when I’m in a really bad mood) but we both know that we’re the right ones for each other. The FI’s dad is a pastor & their family is COMPLETELY against living together before marriage (which I hate-my family doesn’t care either way) which is hard-but it’ll be tons of fun getting to experience everything!