Young women should spend more time searching for husbands than planning careers

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

@TwoStatesBride:  It makes me want to throw things.

There are plenty of men in their 30’s that will marry a 30-something.  Remember, these men were building their careers too, not wife-hunting.  

And WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with marrying someone that isn’t my financial equal??  I have to aspire to marry someone that makes more?  That’s rather antiquated advice! 

Post # 4
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@TwoStatesBride:  This was particularly maddening, “An extraordinary education is the greatest gift you can give yourself. But if you are a young woman who has had that blessing, the task of finding a life partner who shares your intellectual curiosity and potential for success is difficult. Those men who are as well-educated as you are often interested in younger, less challenging women.”

Congratulations to you pretty, young and dumb ladies. Apparently, you fare best in wrassling up a husband!

Post # 6
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My biggest problem with this is the “relying on a my husband for my future happiness.”   I am the corner stone of my future happiness.  My FI makes me happy, but I am a firm believer that you/I need to be happy with ourselves first.  I can’t depend on him to make me happy all the time.  If I can’t be happy with me, no one else is going to be happy with me either. 

Also, I find it hard to believe that every guy who is worth marrying is looking for a 20 year old bimbo.  I am pretty sure those are the exact guys I don’t want to marry, and thank goodness I took myself off the market for them by growing up and being educated.

Post # 9
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

By just reading the title of this thread I already know I wouldn’t agree with anything in that article. The mere fact that I wasn’t even worried about a husband but just being happy was what turned my FI on to marriage, his ex constantly brought up marriage. And I didn’t do that on purpose to play some game, I was like that because that’s genuinely how I felt. Marriage was always an added bonus not a necessity to me and finding a husband was never a priority. 

Post # 10
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@TwoStatesBride:  I think it’s a shame that good advice (priortize things that will make you happy) needs to come in an obnoxiously sexist package.

There are plenty of women and men who will find family and partnership very rewarding, and I think it’s great to give advice that doesn’t advocate putting family on the backburner.  But why do we need all the sexist garbage about men chasing young shiny things, and women needing to marry up?

Post # 11
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - backyard in the woods

This one gets to me: “Those men who are as well-educated as you are often interested in younger, less challenging women.” Not in my experience. My husband and my male friends all like women who are intellectually on par, regardless of age. Then, in the next paragraphe she goes on about how a women should marry someone intellectually equal so that they can have good conversation and be happy? So she thinks that women need an equal or more intellegant partner but men don’t? Wow. She has a low opinion of men.

Post # 12
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@TwoStatesBride:  Trolls exist even on news sites. The part about this that bothered me the most was: “The grandmotherly message of yesterday is still true today: Men won’t buy the cow if the milk is free.” I’m marrying a man I slept with the night I met him. Also a couple of my friends are in great relationships with men they didn’t wait long to sleep with. I just want to throw that out there.

Post # 15
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I disagree with a lot of what she said in the article.  I am an attorney who married an engineer (who was 2 years younger, woo!).  I never would have met him if I hadn’t gone online to match.com (at age 27, so still quite young) and found him myself (technically, I was outside his age demographic on the site, boo hiss).  I winked but waited for him to email me.  Still, we never would have met if I wasn’t taking an initiative.

I disagree with her statement that men in college are who women should be dating.  Men in college are pretty much the worst.  There are legions of easy women around for them (I won’t get into why this is mostly women’s fault for being so available all the time– and YES, this is a problem.).  I think I went on two dates in college for a total of four years.  Men are not ready to date seriously at that time.

I also dislike the idea of “husband hunting.”  It’s ridiculous for her to state that “far more time” should be spent looking for a husband than focusing on a career.

However.  I think she has made some good points that are lost in the article.  (1) Women waste time with men who aren’t suitable.  How many times have I seen fellow attorneys or law students date bartenders or firefighters? There’s nothing wrong with those occupations at all, but they are so different (and with differing hours), it’s not a shock when they don’t work out.  Women also seem to waste time on men who aren’t into them.  I honestly feel the “he’s just not that into you” book, while dumb, actually worked for me.  If the guy didn’t call me, he wasn’t into me.  Next. (2) Ignoring dating until you’re 30 or later scares men– because those are the “let’s hurry up and have a kid years”.  So, the takeaway is: don’t waste your time on those who don’t matter, and actively try to have a hand in your own dating success.  

Calling it husband hunting is just degrading.  It reminds me of my grandmother, who sent my mom away to law school in the 70’s with a big fishing net.  The purpose of the net? “To catch a man”, said my grandmother.  This is a true story.

Post # 16
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not even gonna read it. I ignore articles/blogs that talk like this. Young women should do what they want whether it’s search for a husband to take care of them (I guess you would need that since you arent planning a career) or plan a career or whatever else. 

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