- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
This is my first-ever post on here, Bees! And yes, it is pretty long. Please bear with me, as I’m sure my post will be annoying to some WB veterans. I’ve been a “lurker” on the boards on-and-off for nearly a year, as my now-FI & I had been discussing engagement/marriage for some time. I decided it’s about time I make my own account & start soliciting advice from you lovely ladies!
To make this easier for everyone, if you are uninterested in the details surrounding my questions, feel free to skip this long part & go to the bolded questions further down! I have also made use of italics & underlining to try to highlight some important details.
A bit of background on me:
I am 20, will be 21 in 8 weeks! (YAY!) Definitely a ‘Young Bee.’ I am a Journalism student, in my 3rd year of study at my Big 12 University, which I will not name as I suspect it could start an argument at some point or another 😉 I am the first person in my entire family, on either side, to get a degree, so making my family proud has been a major focus of mine for the past few years.
I have known my fiancé since middle school & have been close without him since early high school. We even had a little fling my Junior year that neither of us really pursued, as he was leaving for college soon after & we both thought we were out of each other’s league lol. Anyway, he’s always been one of my closest “guy friends,” & lucky for me, he finally got the courage to ask me on our first real date a few summers back. I swear I just knew he was my whole future right then & there; we spent 4 hours at the table talking.
We’ve been ‘official’ for about a year & a half. We have been long distance for the majority of the time, separated by 393 stupid miles… It has truly made us both stronger as individuals & as a couple. I still see him every 2-3 weeks for long weekends & talk to him (via FaceTime, texting, phone calls) daily, but it has been really tough. I think we are closer than most couples our age, he truly is my best friend, I know him like the back of my hand, & there is no one in the world I would rather go through this with. I’ll try to stop rambling: we talked for months about our future together, & when engagement became a real possibility, the only thing that held us back was money for the ring. Ultimately, I opted to have him pick a diamond-alternative for me to wear until we can afford more permanent ring. Which brings me to the main point of this…
FI will be graduating in May with his Bachelors, after which we will move into our first real house together while I finish out my senior year. We are engaged as of July, which I am over-the-moon excited about! I am very anxious about a few things, though. I figure I will try to make a list, so this post doesn’t become annoyingly-long(er):
- With FI being 21 & myself, not quite 21, we do face some of the “you’re too young” comments. Naturally, these are people who know little about me, FI, or our relationship, but it still gets frustrating. Luckily, our parents have both made comments along the lines of, “we saw your connection from day one & knew you’d be taking this step at one point or another.” While this is all fine & dandy, given the concerns of other family members, we initially responded to questions regarding the wedding with “it’ll be in a few years, after we both have graduated.” The issue is that, after discussing our timeline with one another, we are really leaning toward an October 2015 wedding. This will be only months after my May 2015 graduation. Technically this will be following what we told our families initially, but I anticipate my FMIL, in particular, might be a bit surprised at how soon that will be. She is very attached to FI, & I can’t blame her! She raised a remarkable man. How would you approach telling our parents about the potential wedding date?
- I am obviously very new to the logistics of a wedding. My mother & father, now divorced, met in Germany, where my mother lived & my father was stationed in the Army. They were 19, could barely speak one anothers’ language, & they eloped to Denmark, my mother wearing an awful royal blue taffeta dress! Lol. Needless to say, neither of my parents have experience with wedding planning or finances. My mother is an immigrant & she doesn’t understand half of the American traditions involved, anyway. My dad jokes that its fine that I’m engaged, but I can’t get married until I’m 28. He’s kidding, & he adores FI, but I wonder if that remark isn’t related to his ability to help pay for my wedding.
Now, FI’s parents are pretty… well-off, to be politically correct. I have been working since I turned 16, sometimes more than one job while going to school, so I’ve come to expect that a lot of the wedding costs will be our responsibility. However: FMIL, especially, has a very high-paying job, FI’s parents are still happily married (my inspiration, as they were married at our age!), & they are a very close family in general. They have paid for all of FI’s living expenses throughout college & have paid his tuition out-of-pocket. I’ll just say, his tuition alone is $807/per credit hour. So $807 x 128 hours + living expenses (rent, groceries, etc.) = A TON OF MONEY. Apparently, this was no sweat to them. My parents, on the other hand, have helped as much as they can, I will be paying off the majority of my college debt after graduating.
- To summarize the issue here, I don’t know what to expect from either of our parents, as we have not really discussed it. I am not saying I expect anything, honestly. Knowing our families, I suspect we will receive some help with maybe the cake, my mom has mentioned paying for my dress, etc. However, I would be fine with paying for the entire wedding ourselves. I wouldn’t prefer it, but I certainly would understand & am thankful every day for everything they’ve done for us for the past 21 years.
- How do I bring up this somewhat uncomfortable topic without sounding entitled or off-putting? (Mainly my concern with his parents, not mine) His parents are significantly more financially-stable than mine, so though the bride’s parents traditionally cover the majority of the wedding costs, I’m not sure how our wedding will be approached, as I don’t think my parents are able to do that & FI’s parents will not want us to go into any wedding debt.
- Can anyone remember how their conversation with their parents/FMIL&FFIL went regarding wedding expenses?
- And finally, can anyone offer personal advice regarding how to go about financing a wedding? Did you pay for it yourself? Did you receive a lot of help from loved ones? Is it standard to use credit cards/loans to cover any of the expenses? We certainly do not want to have an extravagent wedding we cannot realistically afford, but we do need to have an understanding of what exactly our loved ones will want to contribute before we can make any plans. The size & location of our wedding will be fairly dependent on the above, though we are not the type to be overly-flashy no matter who is footing the bill.
Again, really sorry for the length of this post, but I wanted to provide enough background regarding the concerns I’m having. Please give me a bit more time/a few more posts to charm you, Bees! I am not always this talkative, just feeling anxious 🙁