Post # 1
So my parents have decided to throw an E-party at their house! They told my FI and I to go ahead and invite his immedite family. Well, the way my IL’s family structure works, there is no such thing as an “immediate family”. In other words, all cousins, all aunts, all uncles, all friends of friends of friends are considered their “immediate family”. My fear is that there will be too many people over here. it’s too late to make formal invites. And FMIL is set on inviting “everyone”. My parents don’t want that many people over! On top of that…most of them make me really nervous because they’re very different from my family!
I know the right thing for me to do is put my foot down infront of FMIL about limiting guests. But, is it normal to feel nervous, anxious, aggrivated about the combining of the family & ILs??
Post # 3
i would have your fi deal with his mom.
i still get a little anxious when our families are together, just b/c they’re all so important to me and my husband and i want everyone to like each other and be happy. they do get along great, our families are very similar, but it’s still nerve racking.
Post # 4
I get nervous even though they’ve met a few times and get along very well. Both my family and his are really into politics, but with different views on a lot of issues. I am always paranoid it will come up and there will be screaming.
A couple months ago, my parents and his Dad and Stepmom had dinner together without us (our families live close to each other and we live far away) and there was no screaming match, so maybe we’re in the clear by now?
I think it’s pretty normal to feel anxious, but in your situation specifically maybe you can ask your parents about how many they think they can accomodate. You don’t want his family to feel excluded, but you also don’t want there to be 200 guests and one bathroom, so it’s pretty reasonable to check in on that.
Post # 5
I would have your FI talk to his mom….maybe stress that your parents are going for a more intimate gathering? However, if you have extended family there and exclude your future in-laws extended (extended being defined as aunts, cousins, etc), then prepare for drama.
Post # 6
I get nervous, yes….My parents do not like my MIL for reasons I will not go into. I would never ever ever ever ever consider having a family get together with both sides of the family. It would be 100% awkward b/c the two sides of the family are so completely different. I get shivers (not the good kind) just thinking about it.
On that note, I (along with DH) have a blast when we’re with either side of the family.
Post # 7
PinkPinstripes: yes we are inviting extended family. But most of my blood relatives live out of state. So with my immediate + my extended, there will still be less people on my side than FI’s family there. We’re trying to make it an even amount on both sides.
I like the idea of calling it an intimate gathering.
Post # 8
FI and I have very clashing families- so get togethers make me very nervous…but I am hoping the more they see of each other the more they can get along better.