(Closed) Your feelings are not valid…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, but my sister is the same way, and I once failed an english class in college because we were told to write our opinion based on a topic and because my opinions were always way off from what he thought, he failed me. 

Look in the mirror and tell yourself, I am valuable, I count, I am worthwhile and I am awesome.  You deserve it!

Post # 5
748 posts
Busy bee

OMG Yes! Haha. Both my mom AND my dad are the same way, but especially my dad. He has never apologized to me EVER. And to everything I say badly about what she’s done my mom is always like “but that’s SO not true, I did this and that and that…etc”. SO I GET YOU! Lol. Just relax and get him off your back. I’m sure he loves you and wants you to be happy, but he just doesn’t know how to communicate it. He probably feels like he’s solving your problems and has just shut out your pov… So just be nice, smile when he tells you something, but mind your own business and stop relying on him for your self-esteem.

I think that you need to accept that he won’t change into the daddy you want him to be. You need to be nice to him and accept him the way he is (not the way you want him to be) and at the same time draw a line. So, whenever he’s getting critical of you, tell him that you feel like you’re handling just fine and would appreciate him not giving you advice unless you ask him for it. He might get upset at first, but he’ll get over it and start respecting you more. 

Good luck! And don’t let him get to you, please!

Post # 6
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MsBrooklynA:  Yes.  A couple weeks ago, for the first time in 25 years, my father apologized to me for the way he acted towards me.  I cried.  He treats me that way because his father treated him that way and he thinks if he’s hard on me, I will do better.  But that doesn’t work as well with girls as it does with boys.  My parents are very negative.  You honestly have to ignore their comments and live your life as you wish.  Their negativity is their problem, not yours.  As children, we want acceptance and approval from our parents but we do not always get it.  You are working hard, you are important and your feelings DO matter because they’re yours.

Post # 7
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My mother rewrites history so that she always “wins”. If I have a problem with something she said, I misinterpreted her. If I quote her directly, my memory of what she said is inaccurate. Everything must also be about her. If I make any suggestion that she is overreacting about something, then either I’m selfish or it’s ME who’s overreacting. She’s psychic, too. If I tell her some news, she knew it all along. I should start asking her for the winning lottery numbers.

Gosh it sure would be nice to know everything like she does. I may be 28 and married, and have moved to another continent before and lived there on my own, but apparently I’m still not capable of knowing my own mind or making basic life choices. Good thing I have her around telling me how I should wear my hair or what to do with my money.

Post # 9
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry you have to deal with that.  It sounds like my Future Mother-In-Law with FH.  She never apologizes for anything she has done wrong, even when Future Father-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law tell her she is wrong.  She is constantly criticizing FH for almost everything he does, but he just ignores it, which I don’t get.  Yet she is always telling FH’s brother how proud she is of him and while he has accomplished a lot, FH has accomplished even more, but Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t seem to care about it.

I’m not used to this, my parents are so supportive and would never criticize me, I don’t understand why she worships Future Brother-In-Law and criticizes FH.

From what I see with FH, he just accepts that she is what she is and it doesn’t seem to bother him, he usually tries to avoid potential conflicts just to avoid the argument.

Post # 10
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yes.  My father had high expectations of me.  He wanted me to go to school, become a doctor, get rich, and give him a comfortable life.  I am supposed to buy him a house, as well as a house in his native country.  He told me this when I was a child and for many years.  Additionally, I was supposed to do this all on my own somehow.  His expectations were a burden to me and I resented him for never asking nor caring what I wanted to do in life and be happy.  Nope, my main purpose was to fund his retirement.  And I should be grateful to do it too.

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