Post # 1
Ok let’s cut to the chase, Fiance and I have been going back and forth about this wedding thing. We finally agree and are trying to get EVERYTHING at the last minute. We are both the first ones in our family to get married of our generation, so EVERYBODY wants to come. To keep our budget at bay we can only feed 120 ppl. That will include family and a decent amount of close friends on both sides.
The issue is Fiance wants it to be “whoever wants to come see us get married, can come.” That number would be close to 200 ppl!! Is is wrong to allow anyone to come to our ceremony and have the reception on an invitation only basis? That way we both get what we want? How would you feel as a guest that is only invitied to the ceremony.
Post # 3
I voted tread softly because depending on what type of ceremony you’re having there’s sometimes a given that a ceremony is an open mass that anyone can attend.
Post # 4
Honestly, I’d be a bit upset and probably wouldn’t go to the ceremony. My thought behind it is, if I’m not good enough for you to want me at the party, why should I spend my time at the ceremony? If you can afford to feed 120 people, then that’s who you invite.
Post # 5
I think it’s (no offense) rude to only invite them to see you get married but not to see the cake cutting, not to see the first dance, be able to dance and laugh with the rest.
Perhaps a different option would be a non open bar and possibly appetizers and snacks instead of a full on meal to feed all? Fiance and I are opting for a buffet style reception with tons of finger foods and deserts. Our list will be about 150 but our budget will only be about 5,000 tops so if we can do it, anyone can.
To ask someone to sit in silence and watch you marry him and leave only 30 minutes later and not be invited to the reception seems to be a bit harsh. If people are that insistant on being a part of the ceremony that you can’t cut the guest list, they should be understanding in not having full meals and only snacks.
Besides neither my Fiance or myself have ever been to a wedding that was anything but feed yourself. It’s a lot more common now, a lot more accepted and a lot less money.
Post # 6
If they can’t come to both they shouldn’t come to either. It’s a wedding, everyone and their mom shouldn’t be invited. 120 is IMO the perfect size for a wedding
Post # 7
I would not attend if I was only invited to the ceremony.
Post # 8
Could you do lighter food, and add some more people? Heavy snacks? Finger foods?
Post # 9
No. I’ve been on the “B-list” for just a ceremony and it feels really shitty when you realize more than half the people at the ceremony are going to a party afterward that you weren’t invited to. I would have MUCH rather not been invited at all and it left a really sour taste in my mouth regarding my relationship with the girl and her now-husband.
Post # 10
I would do the A-list B-list thing. Meaning send out invites early enough that when you get some Nos, you can send invites to people on the backup list.
ETA: my B-list isn’t the same type of B-list that the PP right before me posted.
Post # 11
I have been over this SOOOOO much with Fiance but he is just not getting it. I am ABSOLUTELY fine with only 120 ppl, but i guess he is just so happy and nonchalant at the same time that he doesn’t see it. He had a physical with his doctor on Friday and when she inquired about the wedding he invited her too!!!! UGH!
Post # 12
I would be extremely offended.
Post # 13
Yeah… I don’t think it is right, the reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to the wedding….
Try to find a way to cut costs elsewhere.
Post # 14
Just on top of what the PP’s said, I’ve heard that the reception is a thank you to the guests for coming out to see you get married. If it’s an open mass, or something like that, then anyone really can come, invitation or not. However, I wouldn’t send out any actual invites for anything less than the whole thing. After that, other types of reception options, like PP’s mentioned, are good ideas.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Honestly, you cannot invite people to just the ceremony, but if the ceremony is in a house of worship or a public place (so not a hotel, country club, rented space, etc.), then there is nothing stopping people from watching. Most houses of worship require that the ceremony be open, especially to members of the house of worship. However, there’s really no way to invite people under those conditions. All I can think you could do is put on the wesbite something like “Ceremony Open to the Public.”
Post # 16
You need to clamp down on Fiance inviting people. Show him how much it costs per person for your wedding. Make an invite list, a detailed spreadsheet, with all of the expenses you will need– maybe when he realizes he is throwing away $50 or whatnot every time he invites another person, he’ll start cutting back.