Your presence is your gift – do you still get gifts?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If invite says 'your presence is your gift'......
    Do whatever you would have done if it hadn't said that : (23 votes)
    36 %
    A small, thoughtful gift : (20 votes)
    31 %
    Just a card : (10 votes)
    16 %
    No gift- that's what they asked for! : (11 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    9859 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    i feel like saying ‘your prescence is your gift’ is a little tacky to be honest – that makes me feel like it IS a gift grab.  

    My wedding is the same deal, wedding is in ON, guests coming from NL, NB, NS and AB as well as a few other places.  These people are spending a lot of money to come to our wedding.  I do not expect these people to bring me gifts (but i secretly hope that they do…who doesn’t like presents!?!).  

    I would leave any reference to gifts of your invites competely, people will do what they want regardless.

    Post # 4
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think people will ignore that and do what they would have done regardless.  However, I will say that I think it’s “rude” to mention gifts on your invites.  Do you have a wedding website?  I would put that on your wedding website and also put your registry at the same time and let people do what they want with that info. 

    Post # 6
    724 posts
    Busy bee

    Not flaming you, but I personally don’t agree with having 80+ (or, if I’m reading what you wrote properly… 200+) guests not invited to the ceremony. It does read as a giftgrab, especially in that context.

    Post # 7
    1787 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    If I was close with you, I’d still get you whatever I had planned before receiving the invite that said “no gifts.”

    However, if I didn’t know you as well, I’d either just get a card or small gift.  I’d only do that because I wouldn’t know how you’d react to receiving a gift when you asked for none (you know how there are some people who’d be offended or annoyed with even a gracious thing like that—silly), so if I wasn’t sure, I wouldn’t want to possibly tick you off. 🙂

    Post # 8
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    You’re going to get a lot of different answers not only based on what people would personally do, but on their etiquette know-how. I’m by no means an etiquette snob, so here goes:

    If I got a card like that, it definitely wouldn’t at all impact what I would give as a gift. If I had previously planned to give the couple a nice check, I would still do that. I might think it was a nice gesture for the couple to say that, but it doesn’t negate the fact that as a guest I would feel the need to give my well-wishes to the couple in the form of a gift.

    Then again, I some people around the hive don’t seem to agree here and they would literally show up empty handed, which I just think is honestly the most odd thing. You shouldn’t give a gift because you think it is or is not a requested by the couple. You should give a gift because that is what you do when you care about somebody.

    If I were you, I probably wouldn’t put anything in the invites just in case.

    Post # 9
    917 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I agree with PPs that it’s better to put it on the website than in the actual invite. Try to avoid any reference to gifts in the actual, printed invitations. 

    Both times that I’ve been told “your presence is the gift” (personally, by the bride) I’ve given a small gift anyway. Once I took an ex-pat bride’s favorite US board game to her in Europe because I knew she missed it. I like to gift, and having the bride say it’s not necessary makes me feel good, but I still like to give a little something. 

    Post # 12
    211 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I would say no to putting anything about gifts on the invitation.

    Personally, I think you should just not worry about finding a solution. I think most people enjoy giving gifts to people they love and will give only what they want/can afford.

    Post # 14
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Honey-Bee:  Please don’t write that on the invitation. 

    Some guests will honour your request, and then feel crappy when they show up and see a table full of gifts.  Others will not honour your request, but you’ve already told them that no matter what they give it won’t be appreciated.

    It is confusing to everyone.

    I would also ask you to reconsider a tiered reception.  If it is actually 2 hours away I can’t imagine many dance only guests to make it out.

    Post # 15
    3664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If the only problem is the small venue, why aren’t you inviting all of your guests to the full reception? The small ceremony venue shouldn’t have an impact on how many people you can feed. I’d be put off as a B-list guest that you fed 120 people and then invited 200 additional people to the dance portion.

    I don’t think you should write anything about gifts on the invitation — I doubt the guests only invited to the dance will bring large gifts anyway.

    Post # 16
    10899 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Etiquette states that your invitations should make no reference whatsoever to gifts — even to mention their absence.

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