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I'm sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like your ring is beautiful and really special to you. I don't really understand why she'd be so judgmental of it. 3/4 c is not a "small"stone!
((Hugs))
PS post a pic on here, you'll get lots of the positive feedback you are wanting. We love ring porn.
My mom's ring is twice as big as mine (3ct vs 1.5ct). She's never mentioned the size difference or anything. It's not a big deal. Her's is an upgrade from what she had when she got married.
Just tell her you're saving up for a future house or something!
@KatNYC2011: HAHA! I know! I'm so addicted to the ring porn!!! :) And I'll post a better pic later when I can get to my laptop :) Thanks! AND I totally messed up my ring size...LOL the diamond is really a 1/3 ct. and I (like a dummy) forgot...Stupid me.
That's fucked up. Next time she brings it up, try saying something along the lines of, "Yes mom, and we all know the quality of a marriage and the depth of one's love is directly proportinoal to carat size."
But maybe that's too sarcastic for you. If so, I'd say calmly and firmly, "He gave me EXACTLY what I wanted, and I couldn't be happier with it. If you can't share that joy, please keep your thoughts to yourself in the future."
Call me a bitch but this is how it goes down for me.
"hey mom, drop it I love my ring. don't dare mention it again. end of story" *dramatic exit*
@mrsdavistobe2012: "And my mom hated that her mother did that to her future son in law...."
You need to politey make the point that she is basically doing the same thing, just after the fact. I would also say "well it's perfect for me, and I don't appreciate you trying to make me feel bad about it". Sometimes mom's don't realize they are saying things out of line... Just be polite about it (no need to stoop to her level!) but be firm and let her know how your feeling.
I'm really sorry she is making you feel badly! Your ring is beautiful!
Ugh that's awful!!! I'm so sorry. It sounds like your mom has some other issues, honestly, to be acting this way. I can relate to critical mothers for sure. Do you generally have a positive relationship with her/ is this typical of her? I would just tell her how she's making you feel- gently call her out next time she says something nasty & see what she says.
But don't let her make you feel insecure about your ring!! It sounds beautiful & yes- please post a pic so I may drool over it :)
Edit: Ok, I recognize your ring from another thread- it's gorgeous! Is your mother the only reason you feel the way you do about your ring?
From the picture you posted your ring looks fantastic. It is proportional and beautiful.
@mightywombat: hehehehe, love that!!!
@mrsdavistobe2012: it's a beautiful ring!!!!!
you could always say something along the lines of "did you hate it when grandma made DAD buy you a ct ring just so he could marry you?" then walk away and let her figure it out.
I've got the exact opposite with my mom. She's so freaking jealous of what my FI does/gets me, she makes EVERYTHING look horrible. From stating that weddings aren't important (after all SHE went to the courthouse and HER marriage has lasted....ignoring the fact my dad had multiple affairs...), that all SHE has is a small diamond that my dad got her from a pawn shop (I have a larger sapphire than her small diamond...), etc etc etc.
Normally, I just ignore her and complain to my FI later about it. ;) But, again, totally opposite of what you're dealing with!
((((HUGS)))) sorry you've gotta deal with this from your mom (of all people!).
shame on her. her job is to be happy that you're happy. end of story.
Your ring is sooooooo classic and beautiful!
This is what I was told by our new male bee yesterday because my ring is a 1/4 carat: "Hell no, the size of the ring isn't proportional to his love for you. No diamond or metal in the world can exemplify my love for my fiance. It's a symbol and nothing else!" Paraphrasing of course.
As for your mother: What she is doing is being like her mother. Maybe even subconciously, she hates that she's being like her mother.
I would also be stern (yet respectful) about it. I would tell her "He loves me deeply and I love my ring deeply. If that dosen't make YOU happy, I am STILL happy. So we might as well drop it"
First of all, your ring is beautiful and looks perfect on your hand. I don't know your mother, but it might help if you explained to her how hurtful her comments are. Moms always want the best for their babies and she probably isn't trying to be mean, but just wanted you to have something as nice as she has. As you know, the size of the ring isn't important, it's the thought behind it...so remind her of that. Remind her of how she felt when her parents did almost the same thing to your dad. And...be glad she wasn't like them and actually said something negative to your FI.
And for the record, pretty much all white gold is now rhodium plated. It just makes the white gold whiter and shinier. It doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with it. Not sure why your mom looks down on that.
My mom hasn't made any comments about the size of my ring really. Mine is a 1.1 carat square cushion. She has a 1.5 carat princess. She wear a size 4, I wear a size 9.
Her thing is my stone is a moissanite on a palladium band, not a diamond and not gold. When I showed her my ring, she looked at it, said "Oh, well it does look kind of real all things considered" and that was it.
But I agree with the other posters, be firm and respectful. It's your ring. If you love it then that's all that matters.
I honestly do not know how that feels sweetie. (((HUGS))) My ring is a marquise solitaire 1/5th carat on a white gold band. My mothers is a 2+ carat marquise solitaire on a yellow gold band. (I use to think it was 1 carat.) Until I asked her one day, WOAH lol its 2.30 carat exactly. But she thinks my ring is beautiful & told me it was so nice. I would be so hurt if she had anything bad to say. So I can understand why your feelings are hurt. You can't change how she feels/thinks so just let it go. Remember your man DOES love you & your ring is gorgeous!!!!!!! & It looks classicly beautiful on your hand, Bee's honor! :-)
I agree with Neva, your mum is mis-informed. It is the absolute standard that white gold is rhodium plated. It is still "real" white gold. I would say everything you see in a jewellery store that is white gold is rhodium plated. Heck, if your mum's isn't, then yours is surely a much nicer white! There is nothing to 'look down' upon.
In these situations, hold your ground. If my mum commented to me that my ring is too small compared to hers, I would pretty much be like "So what? Gee, that's a bit materialistic isn't it?" in a jokey sort of way. Don't get defensive, otherwise she will see that as a sign that she is clearly right and she'll get a kick out of it. If you always hold the attitude that you love your ring and it is perfect for you, then you're more likely to have her start recognising (to herself at least) that yes, she is being materialistic.
I also disagree with the others suggesting to attack her marriage. Again, she will get defensive and it will make things worse as she will be re-affirmed in her belief that she is right, and she will be looking to attack you back. It's unnecessary. You want you mother on your side, you're planning a wedding!
This doesn't mean just take everything she throws at you though. By all means tell her "hey mum, you're being a bit of a buzz kill here, you should be excited for me" or whatever you want to say, but I just don't think it is a good idea to bring her marriage into it. I bet it is an incredibly sore point for her, and it will make things worse.
I think the key is to portray the image that you make the rules about this, (in a non-agressive way, just assertive) and you'll just shrug off any ill-intended comments your mother has. You do not need to seek her approval on this.
That's absolutely crazy. You should definitely point out the hypocrisy in her logic. What's funny is that I'm having problems with the exact opposite. My family has never had money and my mom never got an engagement ring and just has a plain gold band. When I told her we were looking at rings her immediate response was, "I don't understand why someone would want some gaudy stone on their finger. They are absolutely ugly, a waste of money and get caught on everything." That pretty much ended the conversation and killed my excitement.
I think you're ring is beautiful and timeless. Hopefully she'll turn around soon.
@mrsdavistobe2012: I can sympathize with an unsupportive mom all the way. I am really sorry that she is allowing her personal issues to get you down, especially about your beautiful engagment ring. I cannot understand parents that fail to think before they talk like this.
My issue is opposite of yours in a way. My ring is much bigger than my mothers (who is recently engaged and yet not yet divorced from my stepfather...whole long dramatic story.). I know that she is jealous and while I can appreciate the irony of the daughter having a bigger ring I can't appreciate her comments and attitude. Instead of compliments I get snarky zingers and it hurts.(FYI she has been married seven times so I suppose if she put all those rings together hers would be enormous. LOL).
Keep up with a positive attitude and try not to let her comments get to you. I know it's hard to remember this but her comments more than likely have nothing to do with you and more to do with her personal insecurities. Your ring is gorgeous and it is just what YOU wanted, it doesn't matter what she thinks you should have.
I'll admit I dont know how this feels my ring is much bigger than my mothers and she is happy not about the size but that I love it and I love the man who gave it to me. I do want to comment however, on your BEAUTIFUL ring! I LOVE IT, its so stunning so as long as you love it who cares what anyone says. Take it like a grain of salt, who cares what others think. When your down just think about good ol Dr Suess "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I don`t think it would ever occur to my mother to compare our diamond sizes. I have a solitare on white gold, hers is a cluster of many smaller diamonds in yellow gold. They are completely different, and suit each of us perfectly.Different strokes!
@ mrsdavistobe2012: I think your ring is gorgeous and the perfect size for your finger (from the picture!)
My dad never even got my mom an engagement ring (still to this day -- but they obviously have wedding bands, are still together after 30+ years, and she has gotten lots of "cool stuff")
Anyway, I just hate how society is all caught up with size of the stone or even the ring for that matter! Shouldn't it be more about "I'm marrying the love of my life"?
First of all, your ring is REALLY beautiful. Any woman should be thrilled to have such a pretty ring...
Let me tell you the story of my mother...I went to her house to proclaim my engagement. I also told her the story of how I picked this particular ring out myself (and coincidentally, he chose it too). She said, "Oh. Let me see your ring."
When she saw it she said, "I have a similar ring to that one only it's bigger. I'll go get it for you. You can wear IT instead."
She jumped up from her chair...rummaged in her bedroom and came out with a plated CZ ring that my sister's BF had bought for her off the internet for about $5.00.
(*notice I am stunned at this point)
I asked her why on EARTH I'd want to wear A) a ring that wasn't given to me by my SO and B) a fake diamond just because it's bigger?
She stared me right in the eye and answered, "Well, YOUR ring isn't a real diamond either."
Yeah...I didn't stay there very long. As I was driving home I thought of all these wicked comebacks I could have said to her. I was in a rage. She still hasn't congratulated my SO on our engagement. She's indifferent. I'm trying not to let it hurt me because she is a narcissist.
My moms ring is HALF the size of mine....but since she was always so happy with hers and in her marriage...she loves hers more than mine:) She says, "you're ring is gorgeous but I love my little thing".
So, I honestly tie it to how much my mom loved her ring from the day she got it many years ago.
Maybe your mom wasn't "n love" with her ring when she got it so she doesn't get it. Especially if your grandma made her get it that big. She probably was under the impression that ring size was crucial from a young age.
MY ADVICE: Take what she says with a grain of salt. From here until the wedding you'll here lots of crap...just remember: you're happy and in so in love! No one can ever feel what you feel or understand what you two have....So, don't let em bring you down!
@mrsdavistobe2012: Your ring is BEAUTIFUL and thats the way it should be
I think a lot of moms are afraid that their daughters will get stuck with a broke joke of a man that doesn't value her daughter, and the size of the diamond is a barometer of that. I am not saying it is right or fair. I am not saying it is a good practice or that it is even reliable. I am simply saying that a lot moms are looking for signs that point to a comfortable life for their daughters, for their own piece of mind.
1) Your ring is gorgeous!! I love how simple and delicate it is. Some women like big rings, some like small... I would never want something much bigger than what you have.
2) I'm so sorry your mom is acting like that. Have you tried sitting her down and really telling her how you feel?
3) There is no such thing as white gold (trust me, I have several jewelers in the family). There's yellow gold, and there's yellow gold that's plated in rhodium (that's what we call white gold). That's why sometimes white gold rings start to "turn" yellow. It's just the rhodium wearing off... which is normal for a piece of jewelry you wear every day. You get it redipped for about 40 bucks when that happens. Your mom is misinformed.
4) Again, your ring is absolutely to die for! I love it, and more importantly, you love it!!
tell your mom to 'go scratch' lol learned that from my teenager so apparently it's not the cool thing to say anymore.
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Has anyone had a situation where your mom, instead of being genuinely happy for you the first time she sees your ring and actually showing some excitement in helping with the wedding and such acts like your ring is nothing and that she's better than you for having something bigger, which in her eyes means better???
I'm so frustrated. My Mom makes me feel like because he didn't buy me a "huge" ring that he doesn't love me as much as he says he does...
I told him what kind of ring I wanted. I'm a very simple, traditional kind of girl. I'm practical. I'm in nursing school, I like to hunt and fish and just a good ole' southern belle, I guess you could say. Sure, do I kind of wish we would have went together to try some things on..YES. What girl doesn't? But I love the ring that he gave me and her putting her nose in the air like its nothing...honestly? kinda hurts.
My ring is a 1/3 ct. Solitaire with a plain white gold band. And that's another thing...my band right now is just rhodium plated instead of being totally white gold. which is fine with me for now but that's another thing she looks down on me about. I'm getting tired of it and like I said. It just hurts my feelings that my own Mother wasn't even as happy for me as total strangers that I met who are friends of my FI right after the proposal.
My Mom's ring is a 1 ct. HUGE for me. She wears a size 8 ring and I'm a 5.5...so the size of your fingers does affect what ring size also. And the ONLY reason that she has a 1 ct. is because her Mom (my grandmother) told my dad before he proposed that if he wanted to marry my mom he would HAVE to buy at least a 1 ct. diamond ring or he should just forget marrying her period because they wouldn't allow it. Conceited and materialistic huh? And my mom hated that her mother did that to her future son in law....Why can't she see that she's making me feel bad about something so trivial!?!?!
Just wondering if anyone out there can sympathize with me at all?