Post # 1
ok – so I’m just curious – is your significant other the more hides his feelings / rather be the “tough guy” all the time almost to the point that he acts jerkish and harsh most of the time – especially when you want something to be romantic – or is he very romantic always wanting to be soft and cuddly? or yeah – somewhere in between?
I just ask because – while my husband CAN be cuddly and all “lovey-dovey” once in a blue moon (more when we’re tired and in bed) – normally he’s the macho – things need to get done in a timely fashion and done his way and it’s sometimes like pulling teeth to get him to do anything romantic.
for example – we put out our christmas lights on our house today – and we BOTH did it – but yes, he did the “hard work” as far as putting them ON the house and I did everything on the ground…we came in and I started putting the tree (fake) together and assembling it – but I wanted him to help and ENJOY putting the lights and everything on it and it was seriously like pulling teeth – and when I finally did get him to help it was all “ok, c’mon let’s do this thing” ugh. I just ask for something – especially like putting the christmas tree together to be special and almost a little romantic…
now – granted, after a while he started to calm down and once the tree was up he started lighting candles around the house – but then HAD to go finish laundry because god forbid he let something sit for a few minutes (seriously he’s mr. freakin’ clean-freak)…
I don’t know. it’s just annoying that I really want something like putting up the christmas tree something that he and I enjoy doing TOGETHER but it’s like pulling teeth with him to get him to do something like that where it can become a tradition and we enjoy it together…
Post # 3
My FI only gets all macho-y in front of his buddies, and even then not very much. He is extremely lovey-dovey, to the point where I have told him to knock it off before because it was annoying me. (Like seriously, does he have to draw circles on my arm and stare at me for the entire movie? Can’t he just hold my hand or something?) I know it is nitpicky, but it just irks me sometimes. He also doesn’t really celebrate holidays because he has only bad memories of them while growing up, but he is getting better about it and actually starting to enjoy them. This Halloween we went and picked out pumpkins (he hadn’t carved a pumpkin since he was 10) and he picked the largest pumpkin in the patch (seriously) and then had a blast carving it and replying to the trick or treaters who asked if it was real. He is still hesitant about Christmas, but we are working on that too. 🙂
Post # 4
🙂 i guess it could be “worse” lol (j/kidding) – halloween he really liked handing out candy to kids – he CAN be a “softy”…i dunno – he just told me (earlier) that the christmas tree thing has never been a “tradition” or something you “enjoy” when he was a kid – just something that HAD to get done. So I told him – well that is going to change then. Last year and the year before I put it up myself just because he worked on the day after black friday (which will now be the day we put it up, when I was a kid it was ON black friday, but he likes shopping black friday and we don’t get home til usually 8 or 9 that night…) but i told him – especially once we have kids we will be making it a tradition that he will grow to like – whether he wants to or not! lol
(sorry for so many “quotations!” lol)
Post # 5
Mine is somewhere in between….not really sure… he’s not macho, but definately not Mr. romantic either.. He’s not super-cuddly all the time but he will touch my back or my arm, or hold my hand, etc..
I kind of know what you’re talking about though..about when you WANT them to WANT to do something, and not just do it because they feel like you’re nagging them? Yeah, I’ve felt like that before. Don’t worry, from what I understand, it’s more common than not.
I mean, WHY don’t they just naturally WANT to take out the trash, or pick up their socks, or fold the laundry, or blah blah blah to make us happy? 🙂
Post # 6
Usually I’m the jerk.
We were going our ways for a break, probably not going to see each other for a good three weeks, and I said “I’ll see you when I see you”. I think we’d been together for three years at that point, so you’d think it’d be more of a “zomg I can’t wait for this time to be overwith”.
But I cry for a good day whenever BF goes away, so if I am not a jerk, then I will feel like a weepy loser. 🙁
I’ve never been all that open with people, I’ve gotten better about it, but I can still be pretty distant.
Post # 7
@okqueenbee – actually the funny thing – when it comes to cleaning – I’M the one who usually would rather live out of my clean folded laundry basket instead of putting them away or I’d rather leave dishes in the sink for a day instead of cleaning them up the second I’m done with them…
but absolutely – it’s the whole “I want him to WANT to do these things” and that’s just not him. I KNOW that about him – but it’s so incredibly frustrating…course I guess that’s the same on his end that I DON’T want to clean up and do things ASAP and would rather let things “sit” for a while…(this is our biggest argument as I’m a procrastinator and he’s a “must do things right this second” type of person – but that’s a whole OTHER issue! lol)
Post # 8
We are pretty evenly well matched I think. We are both physical people (get your mind out of the gutter!) we both like to hold hands (even while driving), random kisses, cuddle before bedtime, cuddle when we wake up, tell each other “I love you” a billion times a day. Not bad for 3 years. I hope it doesn’t end. But as far as romantic things I am a really low key girl. I hate putting up the tree. I don’t need him to plan extravagant dates, I don’t care if he never gives me a flower randomly as long as I live. Dunno. He loves it though! I often tell him I should make it harder on him.
Post # 9
Yeah, he doesn’t really enjoy it either (…yet), it was just something that had to be done. We are going to my family for Christmas this year and that should be fun. I am also really careful about being pushy. If I get too pushy, he just pushes back. This Halloween was fun because a) he really does want to please me, b) he really does like doing stuff once he realizes I am not going to complain if he doesn’t do something “just right,” and c) I was really laidback about it. “Can we pleeeeease go walk through the milo maze?” “Can we pleeeeeease go pick out pumpkins because I really want to carve one and we can even get an extra one and I will make you pumpkin pie with it because I know it is your favorite and you can pick out any pumpkin you want and carve whatever you like on it as long as it is not obscene.” Also, I made a meatloaf that looked like a severed hand and he thought that was just oh so cool to eat for dinner. Sneaky sneaky.
Post # 10
I think the key is just accepting that some thing, like putting the tree up, may just not be fun for both of you and there’s nothing wrong with that. 🙂
There are many things that I enjoy doing that he doesn’t, however he usually will go along with what I want but it’s clear he’s not having a good time. Other times, he allows himself to have a good time. I’d LOVE it if he’d be excited about going to a musical or something, but since I know he won’t be I don’t put much on it so that way I’m not making myself feel bad.
My SO is very macho, but also very sensitive which I think is harder than being just macho or just sensitive. lol… His feelings are hurt very easily, but his reaction is always defensive. He is not very openly romantic in the typical romantic way – his way is like taking my car and washing it, or folding my kids and my laundry while I’m out of the house, or surprising me by picking me up from work.
He is pretty physically affectionate too, atlhough not as much as I like, but I’m beginning to realize that is MY issue. I’m like my 4 year-old is towards me with him, when I’m sitting next to him I want to be touching him all the time and sometimes he just wants to like sit on the computer without me fussing with him. lol…
Post # 11
My FI has a lot of feelings. He’s very romantic and sensitive, but also protective. I geuss he’s both, in the end. he is not afraid to be affectionate and never hesitates to say I love you.
Post # 12
He’s a big softie!! He’s only “macho” when playing sports, but when it comes to me, it’s no holds barred on the feelings. I love that about him. 🙂
Post # 13
We have two separate issues 1) we were brought up in radically different cultures 2) he feels uncomfortable whevever he does anything new. However, underneath everything, he is very very sensitive and emotional. What I’ve discovered is that when he doesn’t understand something, he gets a little defensive and angry (the uncomfortable part). But when he understands something and has done it once, he loves it and embraces it. So I just need patience to get him to that place.
For example, he has never had a Christmas tree or Christmas decorations. He was really apprehensive about the whole Christmas decorating last year. But this year he knew ‘his role’ and enjoyed helping to decide how to decorate and loved watching the Christmas movie marathon. Same with horseback riding…when he first found out I was a rider, he said he hated horses and thought they were dirty. When I finally got him out to a farm and onto a horse…he wouldn’t get off the horse!