Your SO invited to a party but YOU are not….thoughts?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3112 posts
Sugar bee

@texasbee:  This has never happened to me.  But I think if it did, more than likely it’s an oversight on the host’s part, rather than an evil plot to get DH alone.  But since I’ve never been in this situation, it’s easy for me to just give the imaginary host the benefit of the doubt!

Post # 4
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do people really do this?  I mean, if a friend or colleague invites one of us to a casual party (i.e. not a formal work event or a boys/girls night out), we always assume the other is invited too and it’s never been an issue.  Does the inviter go out of the way to say that the invitee’s SO isn’t invited?  I’ve never had that happen so I’m a little dumbfounded.

Post # 5
13168 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have seriously never heard of someone doing this.  Even if the host only tells one person in the relationship about the party, it doesn’t mean that both people aren’t invited.

Unless it is like a guy’s poker night or a girl’s wine and movie night and SO aren’t included, I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone.

Post # 6
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@texasbee:  This has never happened to me, but neither of us would tolerate it. We are a package deal, and if people don’t like or understand that, then that’s just too bad for them. If it was a “boys’ night,” I could understand not being invited (even though FI would very likely decline that too), but a girl inviting him anywhere without me? Keep dreaming, bitch 😛


Post # 8
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

This used to happen to me a lot. My FH used to work in sales and would get a lot of invitations for events and parties from flirty women who knew he was in a relationship. Being the uncouth monster that he was, he’d come home and tell me WE were invited. If we went, his ladyfriends would be noticeably bitchy to me BECAUSE I WAS UNKNOWINGLY A PARTY CRASHER (ugh). So my dear FH learned some manners (and matured somewhere along the the way) and now makes it clear we are a social unit. We haven’t had this problem for years.

Post # 9
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it depends on the situation. I don’t think that couples need to be joined at the hip, so I wouldn’t have a problem with a friend only inviting one person to a party or get together. But the person having the party should be a good friend of the person invited and it should be a case where other people’s SOs are not invited either.

Post # 10
1321 posts
Bumble bee

I ditto what you said OP.  I don’t understand how some women are okay with their FI/DH going to parties/events alone that they were invited by a flirty female “friend” who purposely left you out of the invite (but I don’t feel this way if you were only dating and not very serious).  My FI believes the same thing yours does, if he’s invited by a female but I’m purposely left out it’s very disrespectful to us and our relationship, and he def would not go by himself.  We move as a unit everywhere we go, unless it’s an “only girls” or “all boys” gathering or family related.

Post # 11
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@texasbee:  No kidding.  Beyond girls/boys nights, sales parties or gatherings specific to a group (i.e. book club or a fantasy sports draft), I’m having a really tough time thinking of a non-work situation where this would come up and have it not be totally strange.

Post # 12
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I can honestly say I’ve never encountered this. Everytime either me or DH have been invited to something it was as a unit, even when we were still BF/GF. the only exception would have been girl/guy’s nights out but that doesn’t apply to the OP’s scenario.

That said, we only hang out with other couples for the most part. I think the only single friend we have is the young college student – intern DH works with, and he’s just the stray puppy everyone takes turns feeding, lol.


Post # 13
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Guilty.  I started a thread a couple of days ago asking about a situation where my fiance was invited to a party by his female friend.  I was not invited.

I think it really depends on the couple.  My fiance has A LOT of female friends and they invite him everywhere.  I’ll admit, sometimes it hurts when I’m not invited but I’ve learned to accept it.  I can’t be his everything, even though I’d like to be.  

His female friends were here before I was so they tend to be a little over-protective of him.  I guess I’ve learned to share him.


Post # 14
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

DH’s friends and my friend’s always invite both of us, unless it’s gender-specific, like a girls’ night out.  Most of our friends at this point are couples anyway, but even single friends invite both of us.

Sometimes if I’m not sure, I’ll ask if he’s welcome, but for the most part, with our friends, it can be assumed that the other person is invited as well. I’d be mostly confused if a female friend invited him somewhere without me.

Now if I can’t make it, I don’t mind if he goes alone, and I don’t mind if he goes out for lunch with his coworkers (4-person department – 3 women and him) or something like that.

Post # 15
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@EmilyInIdaho:  ummm, no offense meant at all, but *screw that* Your his FI, not some girl he’s casually dating. Those girls excluding you and chalking it up to being “overprotective” would NOT fly with me, and it shouldnt with you. You really don’t deserve that.

@texasbee:  We only encountered this when we first started seeing eachother. At the time, he had a large group of friends he’d known 10-20 years. All of the girls in the group were dating guys in the group. Anyways, he has always included me in everything, and back then was no different. If he went to the bar, he’d call and invite me. Baseball game? Same with that, etc.

One night, we met a group of the guys up at the bar and one of them left to take a call. When he returned, he was openly annoyed. He said to my BF “Listen, if you’re going to bring badabing88, *please* don’t check her in on Facebook. I had told my GF this was a guys night, and she saw you check her in, and now she’s mad at me.” BF said “…since when is trivia a guys thing? Your GF has been here before” to which the friend replied “yes, but this time I told her it was just guys because she’s driving me nuts and I wanted some space.” I don’t feel anyone was rude or at fault here except maybe the friend who tried to put his frustration about getting caught lying on us.

Another situation was a pool party one of the girls in the group was throwing with her FI at their apartment. The day of, BF got a call from the FI and he was super embarrassed. He said “Listen, I cannot believe I’m even saying this, but Sarah doesnt want badabing88 at the party if she’s going to wear a bikini.”


Post # 16
6951 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sportsgal31:  +1

I’m stumped. I can’t think of a single instance where this would happen. If any of our friends are having a co-ed gathering, we’re both invited. Hell, my SO went to a gaming party and even though everyone knows I don’t game, they were upset I didn’t show to hang out. I mean, if someone was specifically only inviting my SO they would have to SAY I wasn’t invited. Otherwise, if it’s co-ed I would have no reason to believe I wasn’t since there’s no formal invitation. 

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