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Probably. I've only ever slept with FI, but he knows about all of my previous relationships/hookups. We don't have issues with jealousy and I believe honesty is the best thing possible. I think ultimately, it'd be good for him to know but I can't see it bothering him that I slept with someone because I'm with him now, I'm marrying him and he knows my loyalty is unwavering.
No, I believe the past belongs in the past. What's the point of making him feel awkward if there's absolutely no chance anything will ever happen again?
Hmmm, interesting. I guess it would depend on how close we were to the person in question. I think I wouldn't, unless directly asked if I've hooked up with any of my friends. My husband and I were friends long before we were ever lovers, so we do still hang out with people we've slept with, but we both knew about it before the relationship was ever in the works
Thats how my FI and I both answered. Thats one thing I love about our relationship that its open and honest and we have no secrets.
hmm, hard question. eventhough i dont think that i would still be close to someone that i had a fling with, i would tell my FI. the first reason being that i would want to know if he had a fling with some one that he was still close with.
i guess men wouldnt tell their SO because they would probably have to stop talking to that person or they are trying to avoid any problems, but i cant think of a bigger problem then it coming out at a later date by accident.
No. We choose to not really go back and discuss all the nitty gritty details of our past.
@FEFE I guess your rite so women dont take things like that well. Honestly I wouldnt want to know. I would expect for him tell me (b/c I know him) but I wouldnt pry.
And an example of a person your still close to was: friend of the family, sibling friend, neighbor, childhood friend, ect.
I don't know, I dont think i would willingly bring it up - Though I do have a friend that I had a brief romantic relationship with. We were best friend for years before it ever became romantic and it was a brief couple months one summer quite a few years ago before he left for florida to finish school. We stayed friends and though he doesnt play a huge part in my life i still consider us good friends (one of those people that if you dont talk to them for a while things don't change and you kinda just pick up where you left off) I invited him to our wedding and my husband was not happy about it. I had to explain that our friendship completely overpowered any romantic feelings and it was really brief.- 2 months out of the 7+ year friendship. - He still wasn't happy about it but my friend came anyway - luckily he doesnt live in state so I don't have to deal with it. my husband doesnt care that i talk to him but i don't think he likes the idea of hanging out with someone i've slept with. Kinda makes me sad, they would really get along.
Pasts should not be discussed.
Think of it like this men do NOT wanna know where their loved ones have been... they like typically like to think they fairly innocent. Blah blah blah... that's why men don't tell. Women think they want to know "everything about their partner... blah blah blah made them who they are blah blah blah" so women share, but their men don't *really* want to know.
Goodness no, I would not bring it up. What is the point? I don't want to know if DH did either. IMO, no good can possibly come of it.
@soon2bnixon: i agree i would expect for him to tell me and wouldnt pry either, but if i was to find out about it later a would be a little upset that he didnt mention it earlier. especially if it was with someone that close. my Fi and I are really open about our past relationships and it has really never bothered me that he is more "experienced" then i am.
I would tell and I would want to know. I think it awkward to be in a room with someone that your SO slept with and everybody in the room knows it except for you.
I have been in this position and it actually really pissed me off. I couldn't understand why this person was so short and rude to me. Turns our they were hooking up right before we go ttogether and once he met me he dropped her. This was a really long time ago (over 6 years), but it still annoys me that my now DH wasnt honest about the situation.
I would tell and I would want to know. I think it awkward to be in a room with someone that your SO slept with and everybody in the room knows it except for you.
This ^^
If the one-night stand is still currently in your life in some way, then I'd think your spouse/significant other would absolutely have to know. It would be so unfair to the spouse/SO to be left in the dark when you either individually or as a couple still hung out with the one-night stand/fling.
I would, by all means, want to know. Sure, the knowledge would upset me, but I'd be much, much more upset to find out later that someone who for years I thought was "just a friend," in fact, wasn't. It just seems dishonest, almost like a lie of omission. I deserve more than that from my husband, and he deserves more than that from me. (Meaning, I'd either want to know, or I'd do the telling).
Unfortunately, if the fling is still in your life, it can't just be dismissed as "oh, it's the past" because this person is still part of the "present" that you and your SO share.
[For the record, I mean the universal "you," and not you, OP! ;)]
@ all the ladies who said no they wouldnt tell...... would you be upset if later on down the line you were "side swiped" with this information?
I would tell if I thought it necessary. I'd hate to put my FI in a position where he was broadsided by the info, by a joke, statement or something from someone becasue I know I;d feel like shit if it was reversed. He knows I have a past, we don't discuss it, but he knows I did a lot of things I am not proud of. I;ve had way more sexual partners than he does (like 5 times as many), and I will tell him whatever he wants to know. But I am lucky that he doesn't really care, so those questions rarely come up. I have prepared him for awkward moments, my brother is good friends with about 5 of my ex's, so I knew there was a very good chance of us running into them at his wedding. So I prepared him for that, but I wouldn't tell him about some random hookup without reason.
@soon2bnixon: Meh, no. If it was before me I wouldn't be jealous. I also have no desire to know all his secrets so I wouldn't feel like he'd been deceiving me.
@soon2bnixon: a little, just because i think it would catch me off guard. But then I'd realize I never wanted to know in the first place. I think I would be more upset that I found out. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
@soon2bnixon: yup but that in no way makes me want to know up front! But I'd like to know who the idiot was for thinking I would want to know!?
@soon2bnixon: Also, I know I have secrets of my own, so I really don't have anything to be upset about. I think as long as both people have the same rule about telling or not telling, it's ok. It's when one side tells more that there becomes a problem.
@soon2bnixon: Not really. He married me.
I wouldn't see the point of telling him if it was seriously just a one night stand. People make mistakes or just realize they aren't right for each other. Now if you had a serious relationship with someone you still regularly hung out with and didn't bother telling your SO...that's a slightly different story.
Yes I would and I have. DH and are completely open and honest about everything. There are some people I slept with before him that are still in the periphery of my life and he's very much aware of it. No biggie.
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Last nite my FI and I went out with some friends for dinner and drinks and the conversation of ex's and flings came up, and my friends husband asked a very interesting question....
Would you tell your FI/SO about a one nite stand, that happened way before you all were together, with a person who is currently in your life, even if there is no chance it would happened again?
By the end of the night almost the whole bar was involved with this debate. I was surprised that most men said they would not tell their SO and almost half the women said yes they would. What are your thoughts?